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DD is 17 suffering from anxiety, particularly worried about her schoolwork.

(8 Posts)
wundawoman Thu 11-Jul-13 08:23:10

I try to support her as much as possible but sometimes I think she relies on me too much and is reluctant to become more independent. She turns 18 soon. She has friends but spends most of her time at home (with me!). I try to encourage her to get involved in hobbies or a part time job but she lacks confidence. She worries constantly and confides in me with her worries, but it's getting me down also! Advice anyone?

kukeslala Thu 11-Jul-13 21:43:14

Can you support her towards the independent activities, depending on her levels of anxiety etc, may depend on the level of support she needs.
For example is there a hobby you would both enjoy which would involve others also. You could go along together, and gradually you withdraw from conversations leaving her to carry on by herself.
Could she go to work experience with someone else she knows and trusts to build her confidence.
Are there any mentors in your area or within your family or friends.

For someone who excessive worries a good coping mechanism to try is to tell that person to write down every worry that pops into their head no matter how big or small, this could be on a phone, paper however they want.
They then have to tell them self not to worry about this now, it takes a bit of work, but every time it pops back up keep saying to yourself do not worry about this now its written down I will worry about it later.
At aprox the same time daily (ideally not just before bedtime), the person should get out their list and go through each worry.
Some of them may no longer be a worry, great forget about it and move on.
For each worry that is still causing concern, the person can ask themselves the following questions
Can I solve it?

The rest have popped out of my head- I will again post when I find them.

You should set aside 30 mins for this, so that the time becomes focused and meaningful.
At the end the person should do something they enjoy, e.g. a bath with their fave bubble bath, lighting a candle.

This should be a daily strategy, until (hopefully) the person no longer needs it.

yamsareyammy Thu 11-Jul-13 21:47:43

Do you mean hobbies with friends?

Biggest question. What sorts of things does she worry about?

twentyten Thu 11-Jul-13 22:18:23

What about trying yoga or mindfulness? Try headspace app. It's worth speaking to your gp if it doesn't improve. Good luck!

wundawoman Fri 12-Jul-13 10:51:46

Kukeslala, thanks that is wonderful advice - I have read about writing down your worries like that. I will suggest it to dd.

Yamsareyammy, she seems to worry about everything, from social interaction in general, even going into a shop! Whether she will pass her exams, getting on a plane makes her anxious, anything really...

Twentyten, yes I am encouraging mindfulness meditation and she is willing to try that. I just downloaded the Headspace app, sounds great, will get her to try it....

Thanks everyone grin

kukeslala Fri 12-Jul-13 18:17:23

I have been trying to get hold of the q's but not back at work till next week.

If she has thoughts which are noisy like talking to yourself constantly, another good one, and every one I have met so far that has done it, it works for.
Say in your head "what will your next thought be?", I haven't
been in a situation to use it however am told it stops the thoughts for a period.

LongGoneBeforeDaylight Fri 12-Jul-13 18:28:12

I was just like this when I was a teenager but I wish my mum had noticed and let me talk about my worries with you.

Later, in my twenties, I had therapy and we made a list from easiest to hardest of things for me to do, going away for a weekend and on holiday were at the top, joining a writing group, etc, too, and easier things at the bottom and I worked my way up. We also realised what kind of life I wanted and we realised I'd want it to be very full and active.

For the anxiety, reassurance does feed it. Try and get her to weigh up the evidence for and against what she's anxious about and get her to see for herself that the anxiety is incorrect.

twentyten Fri 12-Jul-13 21:45:06

Good luck!

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