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(35 Posts)
Desperadomum123 Sun 30-Jun-13 14:19:59

I have a 14 year old daughter who is becoming ever more argumentative and unpleasant. She refuses to eat what I cook for her and then makes her own meals - usually chicken kievs and pizza. She is causing frequent arguments between my husband and me. She rarely does homework, saying that she has done it at school and just wants to sit in front of the TV or computer playing games eating sweets, crisps and chocolate. When she does speak she swears and nothing is ever good enough for her. If she is nice, it is because she wants something. This has been going on for several years and is just getting worse, not better. We have tried counselling and asking the GP for advice to no avail.

Desperadomum123 Sun 30-Jun-13 15:16:30

too true

Ugh - your 'dp' isn't helping at all, is he? Storming off and running away for the weekend will just teach her that storming off and hiding from one's problems is an adult thing to do.

Agree that trying to get a bit of quality time together is a good idea. My dd2 is being quite hard to be around lately, but she will consent to going for a coffee and cake every now and then. Even if she doesn't actually speak much when out, I do feel that it's important to take her anyway!

TotallyBursar Sun 30-Jun-13 15:20:51

For both of you though, it sounds.

You are not pathetic and shouldn't have to carry that.
You are doing the best you can being pulled in two directions - that's not a walk in the park.
She has two parents - but you aren't getting any backup. You need support as much as she does.

yamsareyammy Sun 30-Jun-13 15:36:43

I should show her this.
Help her to realise a whole heap of things.

Desperadomum123 Sun 30-Jun-13 15:37:20

OK, so I'll stop buying junk food and see if I can get her to watch the mental health programme with me tomorrow night. Also will have a chat regarding doing something nice next weekend whilst husband away. Is there a male version of mumsnet I could suggest to my husband/

amigababy Sun 30-Jun-13 15:53:23

do the drama groups act as agents? this is my area of work (including Waterloo road smile).
If you can find a performing arts school with an agency, she will have a Cv. and head shots done, will do her classes and if lucky may get castings arranged for her. It is hard work and requires luck but it can happen. It will need your support, including financial, though a local school / agent should not be exorbitant, no more than other child activities.
This could be the leverage for her behavior too as if you're taking her to class and paying, you need to see reciprocal good attitude in return.

Viking1 Sun 30-Jun-13 16:11:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TotallyBursar Sun 30-Jun-13 17:14:04

Yes, there is Dadsnet (and Gransnet) here but Mumsnet has quite a few male posters anyway, it's not a separate forum and lots of answers on there are from all members not just men.
I think that's a good thing (I appreciate all the pov in one place) but if you were looking for men only idk.
The boards I've had experience of through dh got invaded a lot by mra types and it drowned out helpful advice really sad.

cory Sun 30-Jun-13 18:30:02

Agree with others that getting her to focus on what she wants to do (rather than what you don't want her to do) is the way forward.

Am dram might be really helpful: it will get her in touch with other youngsters who share the same dream and who may be able to tell her a few things about the kind of discipline and long term working-towards-a-goal attitude required. The good thing about this is that it will be in a positive spirit, rather than a parent grumbling at her.

And the whole am dram atmosphere is a mood lifter anyway, what with the preparations for shows and the elation afterwards.

It may also be worth pointing out that if she is going to act or even cope with stage school, she will need physical stamina, so a healthy diet should be high on her list of priorities. Stage school is very much about physical theatre, at least in the first year.

Apart from the usual youth theatres, there are often summer programmes for young teens: some of these are very prestigious and count on your CV if you apply for theatre work later. They do cost, but it could be a possible bribe to hold out for next year (they do tend to be by audition though).

LineRunner Sun 30-Jun-13 18:46:42

Your DH would be most welcome here.

Parenting a teenager is tough, we all know that. That's why we are all on this board.

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