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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

Is it normal that teens kick of before special days?

13 replies

Palika · 26/06/2013 23:43

My DS (14 years) has developed a nasty habit to become very aggressive and difficult before days like birthdays, Christmas and Easter. Is that normal? He did not use to do this when he was younger. Any input would be much appreaciated.

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MuchBrighterNow · 27/06/2013 07:08

I have always found these "special" occasions a bit stressful.
The anticipation, the pressure to make the day somehow stand out from all the others.
The fear of it somehow not being as special as your expectations and therefore being a dissapointment.
Other people expectations on you to enjoy yourself.....

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flow4 · 27/06/2013 21:58

It was a normal pattern for my DS1. :(
I think there can be a lot of anxiety around 'special' days, about whether the people around you will remember, and care about you. My DS's dad forgot several Christmases and birthdays, which obviously upset DS and made him feel upset, unloved and angry, even when he said he didn't care. And those feelings sometimes spilled out/got dumped on me, because I was the one who was there.

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Palika · 01/07/2013 14:29

thanks guys, for the replies. I asked DS why he behaves that way and he says that 'he does not deserve all the presents'. This reply puzzles me a great deal. Why would he think that? There is not trauma or problem in his life for having such a weird attitude.
He is a single child but not spoilt.
Maybe he is just over-excited and it comes out in this way...?

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Princessjonsie · 02/07/2013 02:56

My son t

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Princessjonsie · 02/07/2013 02:56

My son t

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Princessjonsie · 02/07/2013 02:56

Dam phone lol. My son t

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Helpyourself · 02/07/2013 02:59

spill it Prncess!
I've had this too with teenagers. Stuff comes out sideways.

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Princessjonsie · 02/07/2013 03:01

I will get used to this new phone. My son told me two days before we married he wasn't coming to the wedding and to find someone else to give me away. He was 15. I was destroyed . He did it in the end and enjoyed it. I asked why he acted up and he said he was scared of being on show and pressure of the day . He said he hated being centre of attention but it was the build up he hated not the act so he just had to get over the hump. He hid it for bdays and as but this day was big and he wanted it to be special. It sound like the same thing to me

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Princessjonsie · 02/07/2013 03:02

Help your self: lol this is what happens when your 45 and decide to buy a iPhone 5. Lol

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BastardDog · 03/07/2013 08:26

My 12 yo dd has always done this. Birthdays (hers or others in the immediate family), Christmas, holidays, parties, sleep overs, non uniform days at school, even cooking at school .

As flow4 says she gets beside herself with stress and dumps it all on me. I end up as stressed as her and the pair of us are practically bouncing off the walls and usually end up falling out. It can go on for several weeks prior to the event and I find it very wearing.

I've never been able to understand why or develop a particularly good strategy for dealing with it.

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Itaintmebabeitaintmeyourlookin · 03/07/2013 19:28

I can imagine saying when I was a child I did not deserve all the presents... Not because I can't enjoy myself or had any problems I was a very happy child just that I felt a bit embarrassed about having so many things at once and a bit sorry for my brothers etc not having any presents. I am not mad about standing out or being the centre of attention...only thing is I was never in a bad mood just felt a bit embarrassed

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commuter · 03/07/2013 21:00

My eldest dd hates marking special events where the focus is on her, this has extended to her 21st where she didn't want a party, special meal, special gift. So it ended up with money and pizza. The other dc aren't like this, so we just go with the flow even though she gets stressed and miserable about it, and I do too. But she also thinks that the other dc get more....well, you refused it! A mum's place is in the wrong

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Palika · 04/07/2013 12:03

thanks, guys! I am glad it seems to be more 'normal' than i feared it was.

But what to do about it? Shall I say before his next birthday, you won't get so much this year? Seems a bit harsh. But goodness, I can do without his horrendous behaviour beforehand. He gets so bad as if he 'wants' me to say that he won't get his birthday presents.

Last Christmas he was in such a state that we only had a short window of time in which we quickly gave him his presents and afterwards he was so horrendous again that we had to punish him. It was quite awful.