Your childrens friends(long)

[noddyholder]

My ds is 12 and his friends are all lovely they are in the 1st year of secondary school(yr7)When they were in primary there was a boy who was always trouble but because we knew his parents we tolerated him and knew as he was going to a different secondary school it wouldn't be too bad(several other parents in the same situation)This boy is now in yr 7 and is in trouble at school all the time is on report and has been in trouble with police etc.He has always been fascinating to my ds and has reappeared on the scene this week and keeps wanting ds to sleepover etc.It is strange that none of his school friends are allowed to so I think ds is his only hope.He had a party and invited ds last month and I was hesitant but didn't want to fall out with his parents so let ds go and when I found out what had gone on (violent dvds etc)I told ds never again.Now ds has just come from the parkm with him again I am at my wits end!

[noddyholder]

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[Blandmum]

Don't know what to sugest, but like you I would be very unhappy at this situation. I would not let him go for sleepovers if you are not 100% happy with the set up.

Are they in the same form group?

Can you arrange lots of other activities and include the boy with your family.....so thatyou can make sure all is OK

[noddyholder]

They are not even in the same school anymore but he does live near us and goes to the local park.Tbh I don't want ds hanging out with him at all as he is forever in trouble of some sort or another My ds knows he is not the best behaved boy but he thinks he is funny asnd cool etc as he can go to bed when he likes go into town alone and watch 18 films etc.I know the more I dislike him the more ds will be attracted so I haev left it in the past but now that he is around again I need to do something

[Blandmum]

As I said, I am at a lost to know what to sugest, but like you I would not like this situation one little bit.

[Fauve]

Yes, I would feel the same, but I can see your difficulty. Can you vigorously encourage other friendships, eg by inviting ds' classmates over for play/sleepovers etc? My ds is also 12 and I do tell him clearly why I don't like him mixing with some friends, eg with them he might get into trouble. I don't know about yours, but mine actually hates getting told off/into trouble with 'authority', so as long as he has 'cool' alternative friends he doesn't mind staying away from the out of control ones.

[zippitippitoes]

I would say he can come to us but I'm not having you going there because I don't know what you'll be getting up to. You know I don't want you out at all hours and watching goodness knows what on DVD. You can see him in the day time at half term or he can sleep over here.

[zippitippitoes]

and if it's true, I would also say the reason is he is badly behaved and he's rude to me, I'll let you see him here but if there's any nonsense his parents can fetch him home.

[brimfull]

I think sometimes kids want us to set the rules so they have an excuse not to do something,saving his pride, he can blme hos uncoolness all on you.
I'd out my foot down on this matter.

[Blandmum]

agree that it will give him an 'out' . I would also put my food down on this one. The kid could come round to yours, you are not banning him all together, if your son kicks off, as him what the friend would want to do that he copuldn't do in your house.....

Friends can be such and influence for good or bad ime

[2shoes]

had a similar problem ds had a friend that was really rude as time weht on ds saw it for himself when he was rude to dd. so hopefully you ds will see it(would love to ask where your ds goes to school)

[fairyjay]

My ds was at school with a boy who was not wicked, but always in trouble for stupidity. He moved school, and a couple of years later ds joined the same school.

His parents are friends of ours - they are really nice people - so the boys see each other out of school from time to time.

Ds now seesthis boy as being a bit of a twit, and is certainly not someone he wants to spend much time with. We had previously explained our concerns to ds, and now, at 14, he can see that we had a point.

It does have to be handled carefully though, so that adult friendships are not unnecessarily destroyed.