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Girls falling out (long)

(5 Posts)
allo2101 Tue 21-May-13 13:24:00

I know I will probably be told to mind my own business because it's my DD's problem, but I'm feeling so upset.

Basically my daughter (nearly 17) has been in a lovely friendship group of five for a few years now. Two of the girls live out of town so she doesn't seem them so much socially. The other two both acquired boyfriends just after Xmas and so weren't around for her much, so she started seeing other friends, all of whom have now become quite close (boys and girls mixed) She always invites the other four girls to everything she's doing, but they usually reject the invitations.

One of the two girls (who has now split up with her BF) has been studiously avoiding my DD for several weeks now, rejecting all offers to come round, sleep over, go out etc etc but still happy to go and visit every other Tom, Dick or Harriet. My DD has been really upset by this and on Sunday texted this girl to ask what she'd done wrong as things didn't seem to be the same. This girl then immediately contacted the other one (with a BF) and suddenly it was all over Twitter, "So immature, petty arguments, pathetic," etc etc. My DD told this second girl it was nothing to do with her and between her and the 'avoiding' friend. It's now all got really, really nasty and she's slap bang in the middle of her AS Levels. She was told last night that she is playing the victim and they're sick of it - whilst simultaneously posting on Twitter how much they love their friends, so twisting the knife. I can't see how she's playing the victim by inviting them round all the time and telling them she misses them!

Now I know I shouldn't get so upset, but I'm really close to all these girls and I hate what's happening. I have taken two of them on holiday for the last two years and always tried to do everything I can for them - the 'avoiding' one has no mum so have tried to be there for her in particular to listen etc etc. I'm a single mum with serious health issues and I really don't need all this stress! I just feel so hurt for my DD who has done nothing wrong other than try to get on with her life when these other two were busy with their boyfriends.

I'm not really looking for answers, just feel better writing it all down! But if anyone has been through a similar situation, perhaps you'd like to share?

mindfulmum Tue 21-May-13 20:26:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jimalfie Wed 22-May-13 09:12:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

monikar Wed 22-May-13 09:35:44

DD is also 17 and in the middle of AS levels and is generally very stressed. It is a difficult time for them as they have exam worries which then make all their other worries seem that much worse.

When we were teenagers we would have our disagreements at school and then would have no more contact until the next day, by which time much of it had blown over. Nowadays, with texting, fb and twitter the arguments just keep going, and get out of hand. Is your DD on study leave? I think I would advise her to step back from these girls until after the exams, concentrate on her revision and then see how things are afterwards.

I agree with other posters who advise not criticising the other girls too much. You will end up hating them and then in a week or two's time, they will all be friends again and you will have to be asking them sweetly how much pizza they would like for tea.

chocoluvva Thu 23-May-13 21:03:14

I second Jimalfie's sensible advice.

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