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Advice needed 14 yr old

(12 Posts)
Fressia Mon 20-May-13 10:33:41

I have 3 kids oldest is 14 yrs , she has started truanting from school days sometimes but we have taken mobile away which has had a small impact in the fact she doesn't take whole days off but does truant odd lessons but stays at school , school have told me I may get fined I'm worried about this !
Now she has no phone as taken away because of behaviour , she stays out after school till 830-9pm ish as she knows I can only contact her via friends when she had the mobile she would turn it off if wanted to ,so I couldn't get hold of her ?
She has a attitude sometimes like I have never seen what happened to my sweet natured girl !
Have stopped any pocket money have told her when she behaves phone will be returned & pocket money .

3nationsfamily Mon 20-May-13 13:57:29

Can you try focusing on the positive and reward good behaviour/ school attendence rather than punishment for bad behaviour. What about trip to cinema if attends a full week of school, or cash for chores done around the house. You say she needs to "behave" to earn her phone back, but you need to be specific about what you mean by that- eg respecting curfew time, contact you if late or out, .... etc. Have you tried getting her to invite her friends around to your house so at least you know them and know where she is? At this age kids are trying to establish their own identity ; it is a balance between trusting them to do the right thing , supporting and encouraging them to do the right thing, and also letting them have enough independence to explore the world and learn from their mistakes.

Fressia Mon 20-May-13 14:41:18

Thx for your message , I think taking the phone has meant she is not skipping school all day as she has no contact so that's one thing , last week we had 2 fab days at school so I rewarded her by getting some make up etc made a bug fuss told her I was so proud then the day after she truanted 1 hr lesson , & fri 1 hr lesson truanted & didn't attend a detention ! Today was supposed to be at school 1 hr early 730 to do 1 hr detention I got up at 615 after 45 min of trying to get her up she got up I didn't shout I just kept saying u need to go re the fine ect , I took her to the office she then choose to leave the detention 10 min early now sat outside office for day !! Yest I had chat re half term next week said I want you to have a good half term next week which means u need us fares ect to get around have a good week & u get u pocket money ! As she brought up the conversation of when do I get my pocket money back x

Fressia Mon 20-May-13 14:42:22

Ps as its her bday this week have offered to go to cinema just me & her but apparently it's embarrassing will try that again x

HarlotOTara Mon 20-May-13 14:46:12

Do you know why she is truanting. Are you able to sit down and listen to how she feels at the moment, without getting annoyed or judging what she says? It might help to hear from her how she is feeling bout life and school. There must be a reason why she isn't attending lessons etc.

Fressia Mon 20-May-13 14:49:19

I know that's what I though have asked but she doesn't say , a couple of bad influences don't help , it's her general attitude is bad towards school ! And if someone comes down on her at school she is rude but the 2 days last week she sat outside office they said she worked so hard !

Fressia Mon 20-May-13 15:41:53

School have just said she didn't attend detention again today & didn't sit outside office like asked to do either , she has meeting with head Tom as soon as she gets in school ! Possible exclusions from school as she has broken code of conduct ?? Very sad face x

DeafLeopard Mon 20-May-13 22:04:42

Agree with Harlot. Are there personality clashes with a teacher? Is she bored in certain lessons? Is she being bullied?

I really feel for you cos I often wonder how I could get my strapping 6' teen to go to and stay at school if he didn't want to.

Re the fine, I think if you are showing that you want to work with the school then there is little chance of you being fined.

Fressia Mon 20-May-13 22:15:45

Re fine lets hope so ! I will talk to her but she is not home been out with friends after school still out now supposed to be on bus I'm having kittens honestly !!!!! This is harder than I ever imagined teenagers xx

Fressia Mon 20-May-13 22:47:53

Apparently the teachers give her attitude then she gives it bk. xx

hilary2012 Tue 21-May-13 10:02:34

Went through this myself - it escalated to full days truanting, smoking and all sorts - a terrible year! Something was going on at school with crowd he was in - never did get to the bottom of it as he wouldnt talk about it. But one day decided he wanted to change schools, and kept this up for 5 months until I relented. We changed schools - he changed completely. Has now been a non truenting completely well behaved boy for past year.........sometimes you have to look at what's making them do it..However what did help when we were in the black hole was starting the week with £10 pocket money for weekend and taking off £1 or 50 p for every truant or late, and having it pinned up on fridge so can see how much their behaviour is costing them ! 1st week lost it all - I gritted my teeth and didnt give in over w/e (tough) very rude to me and angry but next week better until 3 weeks down line was on the road.........

Fressia Tue 21-May-13 13:50:18

It has escalated again today which has caused her to have 4 day exclusion from school & we need to get a cams refural ! I'm willing to try anything Hilary thx for your advice x

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