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Another 14 yo DD friendship issue

(6 Posts)
JosieBBH Thu 16-May-13 13:19:24

I take my DD (14) and a couple of her friends to school every morning as I have to drive that way anyway. One of these friends, 'Z', is someone she got to know as she lives nearby but they don't really have a lot in common. Over the last few months my DD has been getting fed up with Z at school as she doesn't want my DD to have any other friends. If my DD talks to another girl Z grabs her arm and tries to pull her away (my DD has come home with bruises from this as Z just won't let go of her). Z also has been taking her phone to use/play on as she says 'she doesn't want to use up her charge'! She also begs my DD to buy things for her as she doesn't want to use her own money (she is open in saying this). My DD started to hate going to school.

Recently Z has stopped having a lift with us and now when my DD gets to school she starts chatting with other girls before Z arrives and has made lots of new friends with whom she has more in common. Z is still hanging around her but my DD prefers to be with her new friends. As a result of this Z is now alone a lot as she doesn't seem to have any other friends. My DD feels bad about this but doesn't want to go back to how things were and is much happier now Z is not so much a part of her life.

I feel sorry for Z, but I know how miserable she made my DD. Should I encourage my DD to try to include Z still or just allow her to let the friendship die? WWYD?

chocoluvva Thu 16-May-13 13:27:54

I would let them work it out themselves TBH.

Z is obviously very insecure - your DD can help her by commenting on her good points. A compromise would be to invite Z to join in with group activities, but leave it at that.

fortifiedwithtea Thu 16-May-13 22:28:46

Don't interfere with teen friendships. Z sounds a PITA. Why do you want to saddle your DD with that kind of friendship?

Jimalfie Fri 17-May-13 09:06:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JosieBBH Fri 17-May-13 10:33:52

Thanks for your input. My instinct is to leave them alone and let my DD get on with it in her way. She would really rather have nothing more to do with Z, however they do go to one activity together during the week, so she has to see her there. The slight problem is that Z's mum and I take it in turns to take them to this club, but my DD has accepted that as inevitable and something she just has to put up with - probably a good lesson for life.

chocoluvva Fri 17-May-13 11:38:57

I used to remind my DD that it's best to never completely fall out with/cut out people as you never know when you're going to find yourself sitting beside them in a class/going to the same activity etc.

Also, teenagers can go from being very irritating to being likeable between their early teens and the end of their time at school. Be kind without making difficulties for yourself.

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