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Returning and damaged

(5 Posts)
hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-May-13 12:33:10

This could be long but I’ll try to keep it brief.

I have 1 DD 15 YO. She can be lovely but also just awful.

After being in trouble here for over a year (excluded from school), out with people who drink and smoke etc... her father decided enough was enough and he would sort her out.

He lives in another country and took her there. Unfortunately, 16 months on and things have gotten sooo much worse and I have to go and get her and bring her back here to be with me. He has no idea how to parent her. Always putting her down amongst other things I don’t want to write!

She goes out when (Her dad and girlfriend) they are asleep, clubbing. He thinks she might be taking coke. She steals from them. Smokes and drinks. She has been excluded from school over there at least 5 times since she’s been there. Bunks off, no respect for teachers, disruptive at school etc.....

She is coming back here to try to turn her life around and I really want to be prepared in some way and I don’t know where to begin.

I am not giving up on her and I intend to do everything I can to help her turn her life around.

I have doctor calling me tomorrow to discuss counselling for her. She will join army cadets when she returns, something she used to enjoy before she left. I am intending for us to spend quality time together doing something she wants to do with me.

So the questions are:-
1 – what books would you all recommend I read to help me cope?
2 – are there local groups that get together to handle these kind of problems?
3 – are there local groups she could join to help her?

It’s totally heartbreaking for her to be like this. Although always a bit of trouble at school she can really be a lovely girl. I just need to get her back again.

Any advice or help is greatly appreciated.

Thank you for listening to my ramblings!

mummytime Thu 16-May-13 12:43:31

Was she living in Expat circles?

What issue going to do when she gets here?

Does she want to go into the Army?

HeySoulSister Thu 16-May-13 13:01:36

so is she coming back to same school? how about exams? or are they next year?

my dd 'went away' to live elsewhere and did a lot of what your dd has been up to....but she came back,its much much better now. there was a new understanding,and she didn't want to return to her old life,she knows the grass is no greener over there!

hellsbellsmelons Thu 16-May-13 13:07:38

Hi there

Yes was in ex-pat circles but also with other nationalities like Dutch and Russian.

Not sure what she will do school-wise - I have just submitted the re-admission forms so waiting to hear on that one.

She always said she wanted to join the army but not mentioned it for a little while

Hopefully not going to the same school - it wasn't good for her there. I have not listed it as one of my preferences.

No idea about exams - she is bright but not sure how much schooling she has 'lost out on' while being away.

Well Hey I really really hope mine turns out the same as yours and things improve. She seems to want them to but she can talk a good talk when she wants to.

Fingers crossed it all works out for her.
Thanks for replying.

mummytime Thu 16-May-13 13:55:58

You could read David Millar's autobiography, going off the rails is quite common in the ex-pat world.
Will she be going into year 11? I would also talk to your local FE college, they are beginning to be able to admit HEd 14-16 year olds. They are also often used to troubled teens. Something more vocational might appeal, or allow her to sort her head out.
Do also ask for specialist counselling, maybe a local YMCA (it doesn't have to be Christian, it just hey do a lot of work with young people).

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