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16 yr old DS wants girlfriend to stay night in his bed

(61 Posts)
Trinity50 Sat 11-May-13 23:03:35

My ds is 16 (17 in September). We have a pretty good relationship and he is generally a fairly sensible, well behaved boy, and is doing well at school. He has been going out with his girlfriend for 6 months now and has just asked if she could stay the night in his room. The trouble is, she is only 15 (16 in October). We had a long chat and it turns out they are having a sexual relationship as i had suspected. She is on the pill and he uses condoms as well. Her mum is apparently quite happy for her to stay overnight. I am reluctant to let her stay in his room due to her age - it would look like I am condoning it, plus DS's younger sister is only 12. I am pleased he has felt able to talk to me about his relationship but I suppose my main concern is that his girlfriend is not 16. My dh has just said 'no' as she is under 16. DS had a very rare strop and just thinks we are out of touch with things as we are older parents. Probably a stupid question, but would the police ever prosecute a 16 year old for child abuse for having sex with a 15 year old?
Any advice is much appreciated!

Trinity50 Sun 12-May-13 20:38:50

Gosh, thanks everyone for all the advice. I looked this morning and no one had replied so I forgot to check again until now! DH and I have both told him no, for the time being. I am actually going to have a chat with her mum to see what she thinks too about it all, as a few of you suggested. Ds has got over his strop and seems to have forgotten about it all, once he knew we weren't going to budge with our decision.
I think I may have a chat though about the underage risks, however unlikely police involvement might be.
Thanks everyone, really helpful to hear your opinions.

Ragwort Mon 13-May-13 12:19:47

Icing - you say you 'prevent nothing' - but you prevent them from having sex in your house, when you are there. That is about respecting your boundaries and your parents' home.

We all know that teenagers will have sex, we just don't have to condone it in our own home by making up a double bed and serving tea in the morning grin.

IcingTheCake Mon 13-May-13 15:28:02

ragwort I know haha but they're probably having sex in the house anyway, to be honest she's very lucky she has such an honest ds smile

lljkk Mon 13-May-13 15:46:58

No, it would make me accessory to a crime and really, if sex is that great, it's worth waiting for.

SoupDragon Mon 13-May-13 15:48:36

There is a world of difference between knowing they are doing it and ensuring they use contraception and actively encouraging it.

anklebitersmum Mon 13-May-13 15:57:39

Old, draconian and in the "No" camp here.

Twofold reason that it won't be happening in my house
1. Because I said so
2. Because DH said so


oh & well said Soupdragon and Ragwort

sussexmum38 Mon 13-May-13 15:58:44

I don't imagine legal issues, but I would be torn with the decision. Would not feel happy with little more than kids having sex under my roof. But it is safer the forcing them to do it in a public place. They seem sensible with the contraception.

SirChenjin Mon 13-May-13 17:23:23

Who is 'forcing' them to do it in a public place?!

My mum and dad didn't allow us to have sex in their house when we were 16 - as far as they were concerned, just because we had taken the decision to start shagging the boyfriend of the moment didn't mean they had to facilitate or condone it by providing the bed. How and were we did it were our responsibility, given that we were adults - and a very sensible decision it was too.

SirChenjin Mon 13-May-13 17:23:56

was our responsibility

lljkk Mon 13-May-13 20:04:23

Even if the girl were age 16+ I'd still feel queasy about it. Am I hopelessly out of touch? Because if she spends the night then I assume they ARE having sex, and what 16yo wants mum to know they're having sex? I think I would have died first than have my parents know that.

I could handle 18+. maybe 17.5+.

Jimalfie Tue 14-May-13 09:36:15

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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