Swearing - How much do you put up with?(25 Posts)
I have generally worked on the principal with my kids that you chose your fights. But lately the language coming out if my dds mouths is getting wirse and worse. When they are taljing amongst themselves or with their friends I pretend nit to hear, but I will not accept it at the dinner table or in the car. They of cause claim that everybody talks like that and that we are being unreasonable.
How much swearing do you allow? DH has always said that blo*dy and bug*er should be allowed. But even the latter makes me uncomfartable. My Mum would certainly not aprove.
What kind of words are we talking about?
How old are they?
We are a sweary family.
My eldest 2 DSs are 18 & 21, no words are really off limits to them, although I don't like them using cunt too much or just swearing every other word.
Next DC is just 14 so he can swear but not too much! I wouldn't complain if he was really worked up and swore.
My youngest 2 DC are 9 & 6 so they aren't allowed to swear.
I think the best is just to pick them up on it when it's getting to you and that just keeps them in check.
I accept swearing (b, s, f, d) as long as not at school or in "polite" company (grandparents, aunts/uncles, etc). And now, DS at the point that he'd rather not use or hear it. He actually gets upset now if he hears us use any of the words.
It's up to you to decide what you are comfortable with. If you don't swear yourself then you would probably find it very uncomfortable having to listen to other people swear, just make it clear what you will and won't accept in your own home.
Children always say 'everyone else does it' but the reality is probably that everyone else doesn't. And whilst it is boring and tedious it doesn't hurt to remind children that swearing is not acceptable in (most) workplaces etc.
So long as they don't use C, which is just not heard around here and don't swear with friends who's families don't. I don't fuss.
Unless they are nastily swearing at me or their sibling when they go to their rooms. They wouldn't dare swear at DH other than jokingly.
I think they bed to learn some self control. My boys didn't and still don't swear in front if me unless upset or angry and I'm quite a sweaty down to earth mother.
I heard two quite sweet looking girls swearing their stupid heads off on the bus in front if some very elderly ladies and felt bad for all of them.
They don't swear in class or if they had an interview so they can control it.
I don't swear really and don't want to hear it out my kids mouths, obviously they do swear just not in front of me, that's not to say I cant hear my daughter swearing and slamming around in her room while getting for school every day that I just ignore its her room and is best not to engage with grumpy teenagers in the morning
Dd 16 is fined £1 every time she says the f word.
Otherwise I don't mind bloody, bugger, shit.
None whatsoever, ever.
I have never heard DS1 swear he is 17. He doesn't swear when with his friends either which I accept is a bit unusual.
DS2 is 15 and I have heard the odd b but no more and he knows it's not tolerated.
Neither DH nor I swear except on special occasions and I have always told the boys that people only swear if they have a poor vocabulary.
I did however use the f word when teaching DS1 to drive and sorely provoked. He was .
I love the idea of swearing 'on special occasions', scwirrels!
I was quite sweary before I had children, and made an effort then to control it a bit. My dad was fond of telling people that my first-ever word was 'fuck', so I was aware very young that most people find the idea of children swearing quite shocking.
Now my kids are 13 and 18, I'm quite easy going, but I do challenge DS1 if his swearing makes me uncomfortable. "I'm your mum not your mate!" is one of my stock phrases!
Thanks for your opinions. I am stamping down on it more and more. Swear box will be put into place today.
It is made slightly more difficult as they tend to swear in French - Putain being the word of the moment (which means prostitute). It comes out all the time, when they have spilt a bit of sugar, when they are losing at Mario Kart etc. They tell me that the French mothers accept it, which I don't believe. I know that if the children at primary say it they are in big trouble so I use that as my guide, but DD1 and 2 are in secondary where the language goes downhill rapidly.
I think my biggest problem is the thoughtlessness of it. If you swear because you really mean it then it has impact, but using swear words in almost every sentence just makes the conversation unpleasant.
I think people's concept of bad language evolves from generation to generation. My DM still goes on about me saying "Bloody hell, mother" to her 25 years ago. She would be horrified to hear what I think is acceptable from my teenage DDs. Words like bugger and arse are still not acceptable to her whereas I will not bat an eyelid at them and a whole host of other words.
When my eldest was about 14 we did have a conversation about bad language and its use at home. She was told that she was not to use "fuck" or worse in situations where her younger siblings could hear them and under no circumstances should her grandmothers hear anything that they would consider a swear word. There would be dire consequences if I caught her doing either of those things. I did not explain what this would be
thank God, because I had no idea
I seems to work for us and I have recently had the same conversation with DD2.
A lot of swearing does seem normal among teens now with frequent use of c***, d***, w***. So far my 16 and 14YO don't swear in front of DH or me. Neither of us swear much and then it's pretty mild.
I've been very clear with them about this - unlike with lots of other things. I don't like it, it's my home, I deserve to be spoken to with respect from them in the same way I speak to them and so far this line has worked.
The c word is completely unacceptable in our house and would incur a fairly hefty punishment- but the DS1 (17) thinks it's vile anyway so hasn't/would never use it.
Fucking Hell, Fuck Off etc (which we hear when he is playing one of his xBox games) is punished by docking a small amount of his allowance (so like a swear box, really). If he said it to us, I suspect there would be removal of privileges for some time- fortunately he never has.
I personally find bugger, bloody hell, shit etc acceptable and wouldn't worry about them, unless he seemed to be getting aggressive with it.
I agree with the thoughtlessness of it as well. I have sworn on a very few occasions and on those occasions I have been beyond furious/upset (about what, I can't remember). But to use the f word because you're playing a game? Weird. And unnecessary. I usually tell DS1 that he needs to do more reading to extend his vocabulary if the only thing he can come up with is 'fuck'.
Having said that, it does seem that the word fucking, especially, is used more and more as a regular adjective- I know one man who sprinkles it liberally into his speech all the time. And yet he is an otherwise lovely man... Very strange, to me.
We don't swear in the house. I have made it clear to dc that I understand that they will use a different type of language with their friends but that they have to learn that people have different levels of tolerance and that you adapt to the people you are with. It's about sensitivity and consideration: if you are not sure about the people around you, then you don't swear. Basically, I want them to be able to control it: it does them no favours either if it is so ingrained that it pops out of their mouth during a job interview or similar.
I have also made it clear that there are some words that are never acceptable even if you are with your mates: this includes all racist, homophobic and misogynistic language. Obviously I can't control it, but I do at least want them to know that that's where we stand.
DD1 is 17 and recently I've relaxed enormously over what she says in general conversation to me. She doesn't use the f word much (once she scraped a metal gate over her bare foot and I took that as an acceptable useage ) and I've never heard the c word at all but pretty much anything else I don't sweat over - nothing racist etc though, it wouldn't occur to her. I feel that, at nearly 18, she can make her own choices about what comes out of her mouth and take the consequences of how it impacts on others.
She knows that any swearing in front of my parents is completely unacceptable; I've made the mistake of telling my DM I was pissed off in fairly recent years and she was beyond shocked. Even the word crap is too much!
DD2 is 13 and I am much stricter with her. She said shit the other day in general speech and I frowned in a quite scary way ; if I hear it again I will pick her up on it. She has very sweary friends, though, who use "fuck" as every other word and cannot seem to see that it is ever inappropriate. As a result I trust DD2 less to differentiate between when it is appropriate and when it isn't. When she's chatting to her friends I tend to be conveniently deaf up to a point but otherwise I won't tolerate it.
I have never heard my son swear or swear with his mates. I was quite smug that he did not like swearing .
One day he accidentally phoned me when he was playing football. I could not believe the language I was hearing with his mates. I was so shocked I couldn't put the phone down. Never said anything so will kid my self that my son does not swear.
DD16 says fuck and shit when she needs to. I'd be furious if she swore AT me, but I don't mind her swearing in my presence. She knows better than to use those words in front of people who don't swear themselves/grandparents/teachers.
I didn't swear in front of her (massive self-control!) until she used the words herself (14/15). Now I pretty much say what I like.
I think the words you use are much less important than the way you use them. Saying 'oh fuck' when you spill something is reasonable. Using the words to abuse people is a different matter (unless you're talking about other drivers and they can't hear you!)
The language of my 2 x12yr DTSs has gone downhill rapidly since starting High School, and I am often pulling them up on the more extreme language they use. They say its 'normal' for their age, but when they swear directly at me or DH,
usually in the midst of a teen temper tantrum I get very cross. I do notice they font use bad language in front of thrir grandparents, club leaders or friends parents tho, so it shows they can control their language if they want too.
Both DH and I swear, but not that often, dh does so far more at work as he is with a load of other men., but tends to curb it at home.
I won't put up with any swearing at all!
I don't swear
much and I certainly won't have any of the children swear in front of me, I didn't and wouldn't swear in front of my parents and I have never heard my dad swear though mum says things like bloody hell occasionally.
My children are 11 up to 30 and I know they do it because I hear DS swearing when he's on the X-Box, his 2 older sisters have their own homes and are probably now making up for a lifetime of not swearing
I have to be furious before I swear and then it's usually something like shit, bloody or bugger. On very rare occasions I will use the F word.
I'm actually quite shocked at how many people I know that let their kids (usually teens) swear in front of them like it's totally normal.
This thread reminds me of the time I was 6 and had picked up the word knackered. My dad thought went ballistic even today imo I don't think it's that bad a word. Ok perhaps not that suitable for a 6 yo still.
When I was older perhaps 13, I was stepping out of the door and I forgot something I said in a flippant passing of word almost to myself "oh bloody hell I've forgotten ..." and again went ape.
Even now at the age of 21 my dad picked me up on saying what the hell a lot. Or there was the time when mum told me not to say "sugar" even as a substitute
Now I know my language can be rather blue, but it's partly becuase when in the company of friends they are too. And I thinnk a few choice words are necessary at times
Effectively, Zero tolerance in my hearing or to youngest sibling. It's ugly, and I have lots of younger DC. I don't control what they say to each other.
I don't swear either
My teenagers all swore. I didn't really have a problem with it.
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