advice needed please

[thriftychic]

ds2 is 14 . have had many issues / problems with him over the last few years and our relationship is at an all time low . I dont trust him to tell me the truth etc etc
without going on too much with the background , the issue is that he has made videos of himself on his blackberry yesterday , they are him talking to a girl , in my opinion inappropriately. He is saying what he wants to do to her sexually and is quite graphic . At one point he shows her his willy .
i dont know if he has actually sent it .

he has been talking to this girl on bbm for a few weeks , she isnt from his school and he wont tell me anything much , said she is a friend of a friend . He kept trying to meet up with her over easter and she kept letting him down so i dont even know if he has ever met her . He only really goes out to the local park on the bmx track with friends so unless he has lied to me i dont think he can have met her .
because i had found porn on his last phone quite a few times (until i figured how to stop internet access ) i told him that he could have bbm on his new blackberry but i would be checking his phone randomly and i hoped i could trust him to be sensible.
i have never checked my eldest sons phone because i am confident he is sensible enough but i have to be one step ahead with ds2 .

any advice please ?

[chocoluvva]

TBH I don't really know what to advise you except to explain to him that girls don't like seeing explicit pictures and getting explicit messages even if they seem to.

I don't think these messages indicate that he's sexually active.

[BIWI]

Take his phone away. End of. This is horrible behaviour on his part.

[flow4]

I agree it's hard for kids to know what's ok and what isn't, and I think younger teens are particularly vulnerable. It's important he realises that he's broken the law, and how potentially serious this is... He's under 18, so sexual images of himself are illegal and count as child pornography, not 'just' pornography. He has, technically, already broken the law by making the video; and although he's very unlikely to be prosecuted (or even found out) if he keeps it to himself, he may well be if he sends to to anyone else. Making and distributing child pornography are two separate offenses, I believe, and either/both could get him on the sex offenders' register. :( I doubt he realises this, and I think you really do need to talk to him...

[BIWI]

I'm also a bit concerned that you don't appear to be worried about the girl involved. You need to check whether or not he's sent that message, because if he has then not only has he broken the law, but there's a young girl out there being sexually harrassed by your son.

[extracrunchy]

Not disagreeing - just wondering - how has he broken the law?

[BIWI]

Distributing porn? Isn't that illegal?

[flow4]

The two relevant offences are "Indecent Images of Children (Possession)" and "Indecent Images of Children (Taking, distributing, publishing or possession with a view to distribute or show)". There is a very clear overview from CEOP here and more detailed info from the CPS
here .

[extracrunchy]

Wow I never knew it would be illegal for him to send them of himself! Utterly inappropriate obviously...

[sashh]

Sit him down and explain to him the consequences of a criminal record and being on the sex offenders' register.

If he sends that there are numerous laws he's breaking. He has probably broken the law just making the film.

If he can make his way through the bad acing this might be useful.

www.thinkuknow.co.uk/first2amillion/

[thriftychic]

thanks for the advice

[tinytalker]

I'm afraid if a boy sent images like this to my daughter and if I found out boys were telling her what they would do to her sexually I would contact the police. I would view it as indecent and sexual harassment!