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a little bit of hope

(8 Posts)
furbaby Fri 12-Apr-13 20:35:14

Was having a chat with 26 year old dd today talking about her childhood , she was saying that she wishes as a teen that she could have skipped 10 years and had a day in her life now and she could have fully understood how hard it is for parents , now she is mummy to 2 she has a big insight into how hard it is , what with playing good cop bad cop .
Just wanted any mothers who are having a tough time now to know that things change and the things I think I did, nt do very well as a parent were right as my dd is the most sensible level headed daughter I could ever wish for .

chocoluvva Fri 12-Apr-13 21:21:47

That's so nice.

It's so hard not knowing if you're doing the right thing with your teenager. I had some difficult decisions to make with my DD when she was 15 and I don't know if I did the right thing or not yet (she's 16 now).

I often think that one size doesn't fit all and wonder if the teens who were given a lot of freedom to make their own mistakes will look back and wish they'd had stricter parents who had spared them making mistakes or if they'll be grateful to their parents for being understanding.

But sometimes I think that some of the teens I know whose parents are particularly strict are bound to go a bit mad when they leave home.

I can't get my two teens to apply themselves to their school studies. Sometimes I wonder if I was too slack with their homework at primary school and failed to get them into good habits. And I often wonder if my 'support' when listening to their stories about trivia and letting them do/have things that they don't need and I didn't have as a child will help them or if I'm actually just spoiling them.

furbaby Fri 12-Apr-13 21:47:38

Hi chocco , sounds like your doing just fine smile would, nt say your spoiling them , to be honest i now realise that the best thing any parent can do is just be there for them .
I was saying to dd that my wish as a teenager was for my parents to just stop hassling (loving) me and let me do what I wanted and dd said "oh I never felt that I always felt like I had loads of freedom"
That suprised me as I always felt I was keeping tabs on her but hey maybe she saw it all differently .
Don, t think you ever know how well you did until you see how your dc are bringing up dgc , my dd is bringing up dgc just how we were with her so maybe we did something right smile

chocoluvva Fri 12-Apr-13 22:05:54

That's fantastic.

I think I know what you mean - it's only when you become a parent that you begin to understand why your parents were the way they were.

My two, like their DF and me are quietly very strong willed so they just won't take advice. However I was horrified recently after DD had phoned to ask if she could stay out longer (with a new male friend) and I'd said yes, it's up to you, thanks for ringing thinking I was being a nice, relaxed mum, to later be told by her that she wouldn't have minded if I'd said no! How was I to know? confused

furbaby Fri 12-Apr-13 22:14:52

Lol can, t do right for doing wrong smile its nice that she cared what you thought though .
It is so hard though you want them to
Feel free but loved and cared for at the same time .
I felt like I did, nt handle dd teen years well but she does, nt seem to see this and said we did fine smile thats a comfort to me as I beat my self up about how I could have been a better mother .

chocoluvva Fri 12-Apr-13 22:34:55

furbaby I will take comfort from your post. Thank you for your encouraging words. It sounds like you have a really good relationship with your DD.

I hope my DC don't turn round and ask why DH and I didn't MAKE them work harder at school. Also that DD doesn't think I should have put my foot down about the (not nice) boyfriend she had when she was 15 - whose family didn't reply to her 'Merry Christmas' text or speak to us recently in the supermarket despite our patience and kindness to them when they were going through a difficult time. I could maybe have spared her that if I'd handled things better. Etc etc sigh!

furbaby Fri 12-Apr-13 22:56:39

Oh chocco I don, t think your dc will ever say you should have pushed us more to do school work , nagging and hassling them to do more will make them resent you and to be honest it sounds like you have a happy balance of wanting the best for them and helping them achieve it .
And dd will soon see that (not nice) boyfriend is maybe not all he, s cracked up to be and she deserves better .
Yes I do have a fantastic relationship with dd , if anything good or bad happens in our lives then we always ring or text to moan or rejoice in it .
Trust me it has, nt always been like this and I am so happy that we have each other .
In my mothers day card dd wrote Thank you for all you do and always being there for me as I could, nt live my life without you ..... mmm brought tears to my eyes

chocoluvva Fri 12-Apr-13 23:47:17

That's very special.

I'm so very glad I told my mum I felt lucky to have her once.

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