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What do I do with DS17?

(5 Posts)
SaggyOldClothCatPuss Wed 10-Apr-13 09:50:13

Got another post in chat but thought here micght be a good place for advice.
He is about to finish a 1 year college course.
He isnt academic, although bright and could do better. He doesnt know what to do next. Doesnt want to go back to ft college. Doesnt like the look of any of the courses and by ignoring the issue has missed the application deadlines. His idea is to leave college and get a job. This will not happen. I know him. He wont seek employment. Ive been encouraging him to find a part time job for the past 2 years and he has done nothing. We dont have tons of money, we pay for the odd thing he wants to do with scouts and stuff, but he doesnt get pocket money, hed rather just sit around watching tv. My boss offered him a no strings part time job. The money is great, but he did it once and decided that he didnt want to do it again and never went back.
My sister works for a company which arranges apprenticeships. He will consider this option but doesnt know what he wants to do an app in. There is an introductory course today which he has very reluctantly gone on. Im hoping that my fab, younger sister will play 'good cop', encourage him a bit and spark his interest. Other than this, his only idea for the future id that he would like to do a Scouts based apprenticeship, which is miles from home and he hasnt bothered to apply for.

I am just at the end of my rope.
I dont know what to do with him. I can see him leaving college, sitting on the sofa and never getting up. Im fairly certain that if he signs on for JSA, he will lose it because he wont bother to fulfill the criteria. We cant afford to support him forever. We have told him that we will until he leaves ft education/apprenticeship, but after that he needs to pay his way, but HTF do I help him sort his life out?
I cant talk to him about it. He just tells me Im nagging. I love him so much, and I want him to have a life, but I just dont know what to do with him. He is full of enthusiasm for thefew things he wants to do, but hell will freeze over before he does something he doesnt want to.

AMumInScotland Wed 10-Apr-13 16:43:47

Well, for one thing I wouldn't let him sit on the sofa during the daytime - surely you have floors he could be scrubbing, windows to wash, a garden to dig? Sometimes if you want them to do something, just making the alternatives worse is enough to sift their lazy butts a little!

I don't suppose you can threaten to throw him out or stop feeding him, but you don't have to let him be a passenger - if he isn't paying his way, he has to work to benefit the household in some other way.

If he won't do chores, then you do need to start giving deadlines - he needs to get himself onto a course or into a job, or you will not put up with it.

DontSHOUTTTTTT Wed 10-Apr-13 23:08:58

I think this is such a difficult situation. It's a funny age, they think they are adults but they still need patenting. Does his college offer much in the way of career advice? Is there another year long course he could. Do next year. It would give him a little more time to 'mature'

I would consider letting him know now that there will be no broadband or TV in the house during working hours from next September. You need to make slobbing around at home as un attractive as possible. He also needs to know now that you will be expecting so many hours help with the housework, shopping and gardening.

Good luck.

BackforGood Thu 11-Apr-13 17:58:26

Marking place as have a similar ds - sorry, no help to you!

havenlady Tue 16-Apr-13 12:37:31

Have you considered the National Citizens Service (google it - there should be a scheme in your area). Since your son is 17 he would be eligible and maybe 4-6 weeks well spent this summer might help decide what he should do. It covers all sorts of things like confidence, team working etc. And perhaps get ideas from other young people on the course?

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