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Found unacceptable stuff on Ds phone

(10 Posts)
KJP82 Tue 09-Apr-13 18:12:35

I have a deal with my D that I get to see what is on her phone as she is only 12 and I don't want her to deal with cyber bullying alone etc. However, today I discovered that she has been logging onto our wifi which she is not allowed to do (i had already made sure that the phone couldn't connect to mobile internet) and discovered that she has been looking at some pretty hardcore porn websites. Some actually made me feel sick and that was just the titles of the page.

I could really do with some advice as to how to deal with this issue with her. I have already had chats with her about the safe use of the internet and the general sex chat etc.

Please help - at wits end

TheNebulousBoojum Tue 09-Apr-13 18:50:59

Give her a phone that she can make calls on and text.
You have more chance of supervising her internet access on a computer or laptop than on a mobile. She's not responsible enough to supervise her own viewing.

somedayillbesaturdaynite Tue 09-Apr-13 19:01:23

install parental controls on your wifi?

BastardDog Tue 09-Apr-13 19:05:12

Just had similar with my 13 yo ds. After i found out I changed the wifi settings and password so he couldn't access the Internet on his phone, but he found a way around it and was viewing even more porn sites. I've now taken his phone off him and given him an old call and text only phone. He's now only allowed to use the family lap top at the kitchen table.

We've talked about porn and sex and sexual feelings. I've told him that these sites are intended for 18+ not young teens.

Like you I felt it was much too hard core for his age. It's a long way from looking in the underwear section of your mums Kay's catalogue which was the only option in my day.

syl1985 Tue 09-Apr-13 23:30:17

Hi kjp82,

You can give her an I phone. You can't watch porn on these. All the other websites that require flash will also not work on an I phone.

Best wishes,
Sylvia

KJP82 Tue 09-Apr-13 23:47:21

I have changed wifi password etc and am planning to swap her phone to the most basic one I can find.
I'm just wondering how I should go about discussing this with her as previous chats don't seem to have done any good.
Although there will have to be some punishment due to the use of the internet I don't particularly want to punish her for the sites she was visiting in case it deters her from coming to speak to me in the future about such matters.

syl1985 Wed 10-Apr-13 00:43:16

And why be angry on her using the internet?
She had a phone and with that phone she was able to go online.

She might have found a way to use your wifi network, but she might have used someone else's wifi network. You can find open wifi networks almost everywhere.

Sylvia

BastardDog Wed 10-Apr-13 07:04:05

You can view porn sites on an iPhone. Many sites now use QuickTime rather than adobe Flash.

I was and am angry with my son for accessing porn on his phone as I felt it was a breach of trust. He did it many times over a period of a few weeks before I found out. Once I found out and tightened up Internet security and talked to him about it, he then found a way to breach the security and accessed more porn sites for a few days before I once again found out and took his phone off him.

I appreciate that he will probably continue to view porn, on other kids phones, at other kids houses etc, but there's no way I am condoning him accessing hardcore porn sites in my house, on the phone I bought him, using the wifi I pay for at 13 yo.

I handled the chat with ds along the lines of him being too young, not that I consider anything wrong with porn. We talked about the extreme porn he was viewing and how it doesn't portray your average sexual relationship. We talked about sex within relationships and how porn can warp people's perspective. But mainly we talked about him being too young and the breach of trust aspect of him accessing these sites.

Grammaticus Wed 10-Apr-13 15:08:16

Great idea syl - give a twelve year old that hasn't yet learnt to use the internet safely an iPhone

Grammaticus Wed 10-Apr-13 15:09:58

Dog - did you put controls on your router? I would very much like to know how to do this.

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