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14yr old dd just realised her parents have sex ...

(33 Posts)
QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 21:54:28

And is mortified and has cried.

Is this normal? Freakin Nora .... We're aware she's very innocent and immature, she read a text from dh to me, light heartedly requesting a "shag". My stupid fault, I was driving and asked her what it said ...

I think we will never be able to do it again, dh came up into the bedroom where I'm watching TV and she came right up behind him ...

MerryMessiahWhingesAgain Mon 01-Apr-13 21:56:09


Oh dear. I don't know what to say. My mum had another baby when I was 12 so I has no illusions...

FeralStreep Mon 01-Apr-13 21:56:14

My ds1 used to hide mine and stbxh's condoms.

The cleaner found them secreted all over the bedroom and put them in a paper bag blush

She'll get over it.

EggyFucker Mon 01-Apr-13 21:58:19

I think that is an over reaction from a 14yo, tbqh

QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 21:58:28

Honestly though, hands up to face in horror, asking why, crying, saying please tell me its not when I'm in the house ... Jeez

Thing is, she knows that with me, ask me a question and I tell the truth ... Been a bit weekend, she found out what"molest" means yesterday too grin

QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 21:59:13

Me too eggyfucker ... I mean I'm kinda laughing but I'm also shocked that's she's SO shocked

ihearsounds Mon 01-Apr-13 21:59:30

Doesn't she know about the facts of life then?

QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 22:00:30

She does I hearssounds ... Moot point though, as she's a surrogate baby and knows how THAT happened (not by sex)

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 01-Apr-13 22:01:03

You're going to have to sit down and have a frank conversation with her, aren't you?

EggyFucker Mon 01-Apr-13 22:01:10

Well, I had to check if this was "chat" and meant to be a lighthearted thread before I replied

but I would expect a 14yo to be quietly mortified, not to do the full-on drama queen act

Hassled Mon 01-Apr-13 22:02:03

It is quite an unusual reaction from a 14 year old, I have to say. It makes me wonder how she sees sex - as something dirty and smutty, or as the natural part of a loving relationship? I think you should probably ask.

Fairylea Mon 01-Apr-13 22:05:35

I would have reacted like your dd... I was really terribly embarrassed about sex as a young teen even though my mum was extremely open about it all. The thought of my mum having sex still freaks me out even as an adult! And I have no sexual hang ups at all.

I'd just say you and dh love each other, that sex in a loving relationship is healthy.... and then leave it there and never ever mention it again! It will pass.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour Mon 01-Apr-13 22:09:25

I think she's really overreacting. Of course no teenager or anyone wants to think about their parents 'doing it' but it's a part of life and she needs to accept that

I also have a policy of honesty with my teenagers especially about sex but somethings are private, so they know we have sex but I'm not willing to discuss the where/when/how oftens of the situation

Maybe you could sit down with her and say that yes you understand she doesn't like the thought but you will be discreat and she will have to accept it as a fact of life. You are adults and your sex life has nothing to do with her

Bluelightsandsirens Mon 01-Apr-13 22:11:02

My 11 year old was quite grossed out when she realised we still do it even though we don't want any more children.

14 is quite old to be having meltdowns at mummy and daddy doing the deed.

My DD asked if I watch TV whilst having sex...

MooMooSkit Mon 01-Apr-13 22:14:40

You could probably have a quiet word with her just to find out like someone says, if she views sex as a healthy part of a relationship etc but tbh, it seems a bit of a standard teen reaction, albiet, slightly ott but pretty typical. I still have memories from being in the back seat with my best friend at 14 and her dad saying to her mum "you got any c-o-n-d-o-m-s" for later thinking we were totally unaware and I burst out laughing with my friend blushing telling her dad he was "disgusting" grin

flow4 Mon 01-Apr-13 22:16:20

This feels like a bit of a personal thing to say QOD, but you're here asking for views sooo... I can't help wondering whether there is some kind of connection between her freak-out now and her feelings about her own conception? It's always a bit dodgy attempting to play pop-psychologist, but maybe the feelings she's expressing now, apparently towards you, partly reflect her feelings about herself?

I wonder because I have lesbian friends who have a son conceived by AI from an unknown donor, and around the same age, he had a bit of a freak-out about the whole idea of sex, and told everyone - including life-long friends who already knew and accepted his parents - that his mum and 'other mum' were not lesbians, but just friends who happened to share a house... hmm He's now 17, and has a girlfriend himself, and is > hem < perfectly fine about the idea of sex... grin I'm guessing your DD will also get over it - especially since, as you say, you are very straightforward about sex yourself.

QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 22:17:35

I have tried tonight but I've dropped it for now, will resume tomorrow or possibly weds when we have a day together.

Ah bless, she's probably emotionally about 12. Not interested in boys, or going out, we live in a small village, she goes to an all girls school .... It's all very odd though. I'm very confident in person, loud, rude and a bit crude, and none of it has rubbed off on her.

QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 22:19:09

You could be right flow4

Ho hum.

NeoMaxiZoomDweebie Mon 01-Apr-13 22:19:42

God I would just have passed out at that age...not asked if it were true!

EggyFucker Mon 01-Apr-13 22:19:45

well, she doesn't have to be "rude and crude" but at 14, she is old enough to understand that her parent's sex life is actually none of her business

the hissy fit wouldn't have been well tolerated here, tbh

QOD Mon 01-Apr-13 22:25:45

Wasn't much tolerated here, grips were offered!!

EggyFucker Mon 01-Apr-13 22:28:19


I would leave it, tbh

However, any repeated incidents of stalking either you or your H to kybosh any sexual shenanigans by her would get short shrift too

ImTooHecsyForYourParty Mon 01-Apr-13 22:35:56

oh god, I've just remembered! When I was 12 I was on holiday with my sister staying with friends of our parents in france and they had this big magazine they wanted us to take back for my mum.

Well, I went through it and I stapled pages together blush anything with bare flesh or which was sexy.

I can't believe I'd forgotten about that. My parents' friends tried very hard not to laugh at me but much french was spoken and I suspect they were having a good giggle. blush

I think that kids probably go through a super prudish phase.

I was 15 and an only child when my Mum told me she was pregnant.
I was absolutely gobsmacked grin
I just assumed that people over 30 didn't DO THAT!!

Funny now I'm 45 it doesn't seem sooooo old!


purpleroses Tue 02-Apr-13 14:39:13

It probably was a real shock to her. We tell them the facts of life, but what is actually normal for adults (and parents, in particular) to do is not something I think they necessarily pick up.

My 13 year old DS knows all the facts of sex, but the other day made some throwaway comment about me having done it twice in my life (on the grounds that I have two children...hmm) I would have thought his understanding would be a bit more sophisticated than that, but it seems not. I guess most kids have to deal with the fact that their parents have done it at least once though, whereas your DD possibly hasn't if she was conceived via surrogacy - maybe she's had some idea in her head that you and DH didn't ever do that.

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