DS13, need help please

[notknowwhatiswrong]

Oh, yes, he is having another day off school again, has had a couple already since Christmas. With no reason no explaination first, just wouldn't get up and wouldn't go. It did progress to rather agreesive a few times, shut the door with a force to show his anger, push through things and taking things from his younger brother powered with anger.
So I thought it may be my place to step back a little, show him my understanding in his difficult teens, but...
We got an email from his Year Head yesterday, to state his far way lack of school work, and he is supposed to bring all work home for us to sign daily and to see the comments from each teacher (which we only knew last night), but DS, he forged the signatures both ways I think.
Well, he refuses to explain, refuses to talk, the only thing I can get from him is the angry face.
Really concerned his behind of work, and really concerned he is going to get kicked out by the school.
I really don't know what to do, he won't listen, won't disguss, won't do anything, generally won't function at all.
Please help

[missprocrastinate]

Hi there, I can understand how worried you must be about all of this & it needs sorting - FAST!

Is he struggling with school work? I think it would be worth arranging a meeting with Head of Year to discuss how he is at school and let them know how he is behaving at home. The school should support you and between you, you can come up with an action plan to help him catch up on work and address any areas where he's struggling.

He sounds like an angry teen with raging hormones (not great combination!). But you need to impose sanctions if he won't do as he's told - easier said than done I know. Most teenage boys love TV/video games so if he refuses to go to school tell him he'll lose these for period of time. What does he do if he's at home missing school?

Of course, there is also the possibility that he may be being bullied. Have you asked him about this? If you think this is likely you need to make sure the school deal with this quickly.

Hope you get it sorted quickly.

[notknowwhatiswrong]

Many thanks Miss & mindful, every good wish is well appreciated. Today has marked a "great" milestone for all of us, I hope we learn and hope DS can learn. From his action, I believe his work is far way behind, and I do blame on the computer games he owns.
Today has really opened my eyes, I really don't know to cry or to laugh.
DH decided to take half day off, then can talk to him when younger son was at school. I had a morning to reason with DS but got nowhere, made him lunch, he swallowed it and back to bed (thank God he didn't switch the PC on for that few hours), so I took the dog out while DH was trying to talk to him as man-to-man I think.
I got home about one hour later, found policemen on my doorstep and was taking DH away. To mean well, they managed to explain to me that DS rang them and to their concern of DS's safety, DH went with them.
So a few of the nice ones left to give me the clue, from DS's talking, DH tried to take the desktop away, so some sort of physical happened, so DS's finger was hurt and a little scratch on another arm. DS said his dad punched him.
To be fair, DH may not be a perfect husband or father, but he has been doing well for the past 13 years in these two roles, but today, things just got out of my hand in a very unpleasant way.
I've just got back with the boys from the police station, still in that mood, don't know I should cry or laugh, or even angry, I found I am the one who got left confused
I have sent two emails to the school concerning DS, but got no reply at all. Somehow I started to question myself, if any later, anytime if my DS happens to be glued on any those technology gear again, should we just keep "detached" but not do anything.

[flow4]

notknowing, I am sorry this is happening to you. It will take you a while to work out what is going on, but whatever the circumstances, this is very stressful.

I don't feel like I can advise, because the situation is quite unclear to me. You will need different approaches, depending on what actually happened. Have you been able to confirm - did your DH punch your DS1? Has your DH been detained, or is he home now? Was DS2 at school at the time of the 'incident'? How old is he?

Your DS is clearly troubled... I think you need to work out why...