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Feel really hurt by my dds' lack of care over Mother's Day

(33 Posts)
dontagreewithit Sun 10-Mar-13 13:40:54

I know that Mother's Day is mainly just an over commercialised excuse for the shops to make money, but I can't help feeling hurt & upset by the sheer selfishness of my dds (16 & 13).

I have had a card (chosen by dh I suspect) a "Happy Mothers Day" thrown at me from from dd2 on her way to the kitchen and a HMD status posted by her on Facebook (mainly for the benefit of her friends I suspect). Dd1 told me she is walking round looking miserable because she doesn't want me & dh to talk to her "because you are too annoying".

Friends of theirs have bought presents and flowers for their mums, done breakfast in bed etc, etc, all off their own backs.

I realise it's probably my fault that they are so selfish & uncaring, but it's really made me feel sad today. It would be lovely to go out for a meal or something as a family, but the moaning they would do beforehand and the fact that dd2 is such a fussy eater would make what should be a pleasant occasion just miserable.

They are like this most of the time recently, and I usually just tell myself it's normal teenage behaviour and it will pass (which I do believe) but today it's really hit home.

Not a lot anyone can say, but I didn't want to share this in real life, as, to be honest I am ashamed of them & know it reflects badly on me that they are so selfish.

jellybeans Mon 11-Mar-13 15:25:49

Very common behavior unfortunately, teenagers can be very selfish. I have 2 teen DDs and one is more selfish than the other usually but both are more self absorbed since hitting 13. One thing to remember though is that if she is taking you totally for granted in a way it is a compliment because they only do that when they feel totally secure and safe. Those scrambling to please their mums may well just be lovely thoughtful people or they may be desperate to please their parent as their relationship is insecure. Also in time they will grow out of it. I was a horrible selfish teen and grew out of it pretty soon after moving out/getting a job etc etc. I am very unselfish as a person now so it doesn't apply long term! My 16 YO is already much better than she was although didn't make that much effort mothers day she did make some. I accepted that, for her, it was good. It is a hard age!

bequiasweet Mon 11-Mar-13 15:35:10

I'd give them a taste of their own medicine. If they can't be arsed, then you shouldn't be arsed either.

TooManyButtons Mon 11-Mar-13 15:41:07

My dd (15) has

drivinmecrazy Mon 11-Mar-13 15:43:30

I feel so much better finding this thread. I too have a very selfish entitled 12yo DD1. My morning began with being showered with gifts to open by DD2 who's 7. she had even wrapped up some of her favorite toys for me to open which she promptly demanded back. But she shamed her big sis. DD1 hadn't even said 'happy mothers day'. DH had offered to take her into town on Saturday but she couldn't be torn away from more important activities. She did acquiesce about half 11 and slopped off to her pit of a bedroom to make a card and presented me with 'tickets' which varied from 'I give you 1 lunch date with me' 'Daddy promises you one massage' and 'I promise to help with 2 chores' she even volunteered DD2 for a foot massage. needless to say I wasn't happy but got my own back when I crossed out her birthday on the calendar.
It wasn't the lack of gifts it was simply she couldn't give a stuff!!

Snorbs Mon 11-Mar-13 15:47:11

Burst into tears and make them feel horrible.

Yuk. How horribly manipulative. That's the sort of passive-aggressive bullshit you see discussed on the Stately Homes threads.

TooManyButtons Mon 11-Mar-13 15:52:00

Posted too soon...

My dd (15) has annoyed me about Mother's Day too, although I don't know if IABUmand ungrateful.

I got in from my 12 hour shift last night to find she'd been baking and had made muffins and things for me. Lovely. Except every surface and cupboard door in the kitchen was covered in flour/sticky fingerprints, and she'd made a half arsed attempt at washing up without putting the already clean pots away, so almost every single dish in the house was piled up, still dirty, on the draining board, and the sink was covered in a layer of filth.

So my day off, before starting another 48 week tomorrow, started off with deep cleaning my kitchen.

She's now giving me the silent treatment after I calmly pointed out that I'd have preferred to have come home to a clean kitchen and a cuppa. I'm expected to react like when she was a toddler, ignoring the mountain of glitter/glue/paper and admire the beautiful creation she'd made me...surely at 15 she's old enough to realise I might be slightly annoyed at leaving such a mess?

mungotracy Mon 11-Mar-13 15:52:08

At the point they announce a 'childrens' day that I can feel bad about forgetting I feel annoyed about them not bothering on mothers day...... other than that we have birthdays in our house....they kind of do the trick and everyone gets one without renforcing gender roles smile

Kleinzeit Mon 11-Mar-13 17:19:59

I expect you are seeing their friends through rose-tinted glasses. My DS (aged 14) bought me a card and chocs but only because my DH took him out yesterday! I was fishing for morning tea in bed but didn’t get it.

I asked DS to make me a cup of tea and the little terror told me it would cost a tenner. So I got my revenge – I played this to him. After that we both felt a bit sick. Try it on your DDs! smile

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