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Teenage son and father relationship breakdown

(4 Posts)
Spider12 Fri 22-Feb-13 07:22:33

For 14 years myself and my ex have managed to co-parent extremely well. Discussed issues, agreed divisions shared time with our son equally. He is now 15 and doesn't like being at his Dad's. Doesn't want to not see him or go there some weekends but wants to live with me while he works for his exams. Says its more comfortable, I don't shout at him, I am more consistent and reliable. His dad is very, very angry and convinced I just spoil him and let him do what he wants and not have to do any chores or revision. He's even said I'm turning his son against him. Should I make my son go to his Dad's for 50% of his time as it used to be (which will make him extremely unhappy) or continue to try and negotiate a compromise which would mean him living at my house for most of the time at the moment? In the past we've never given him the choice, that felt unfair on him. In hindsight, he's been unhappy with all the going back and forth for some time. My ex is very dominating and I'm a bit scared of him - not physically at all but mentally. Sorry, first time here and probably far too much info!

AnyFucker Fri 22-Feb-13 07:43:22

I think at 15, the time is well past where your son should be given the choice

If he doesn't want to go... I feel you shouldn't force him to

His relationship with his father is your ex's problem

mindfulmum Fri 22-Feb-13 08:19:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

someoftheabove Fri 22-Feb-13 19:00:57

I really wouldn't make him go if he doesn't want to. I can almost see why mindfulmum might think it's a good idea to decide on an age at which he can make up his own mind. But he's telling you that he doesn't want to go and he's telling you now - why wait until some arbitrary date? If you're a bit scared of your ex, how do you think your son feels?

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