I agree with muchbrighternow. Your DP needs to understand the real deal with your DS and appreciate him for the person he is. Complete honesty and working out a joint strategy with DP seems like a good plan to me. Hope you have a lovely time - USA lucky you!!
If you are thinking of buying a house together then your Dp is going to have to learn to accept your Ds and his sometimes rowdy behaviour.
Explain to Dp how certain things trigger DS and share your anxieties about the USA trip. Try to get DP on board and develop some strategies together for how you can manage the situations when they happen.
The stress of trying to manage Ds whilst protecting Dp's sensitivities is too much to take on. You need to try and work as a team and support each other. I hope you have a good time !
My partner and I are going on our first holiday together with my 12 and 14 year old in 3 weeks time. He knows them well and they all get on but my 12 year old is adhd and can become very hyper, especially in stressful situations.
At a recent trip to a fast food place he got overly excited and started messing around with his food, splashing gravy everywhere, being very loud and rowdy and DP started to become quite stressed out about it. If you imagine an excitable toddler playing with food - well that was DS except he's 12, almost a teenager. I believe they call it "making a scene".
Well as I say, in 3 weeks we are jetting off to the USA. I suppose I'm just looking for tips really in how to keep him calm/quietish/stamp out bad behaviour without causing a scene or ruining the holiday. I suppose it's an even bigger deal as this is the final "test" in our relationship before possibly buying a house together later in the year.
My eldest loves to wind up his brother also so any ideas welcome.