DS1 Driving Me Mental!!!

[PourMeAVino]

I am so angry right now with DS1 (17). His fare to college costs £6. I had no change last night so gave him a ten pound note to pay for his fare and he has just got in but has spent the remaining £4 which is technically mine on 2 yes 2 drinks!!! The £4 was so that I only had to give him £2 tomorrow for his fare (I will be getting him a monthly travel card at the beginning of next week btw)

What I'm so annoyed about is that he has spent the £4 knowing that it was not his to spend. My DH and I are really struggling financially so every penny counts.

Am I being unreasonable?

[Sparklingbrook]

It sounds like this is a 'final straw' type situation and it isn't this alone that has wound you up? Could he give you the £4 from his own pocket?

[PourMeAVino]

This is the thing sparkly. Last summer he took it upon himself to take DD (15) pocket money from her bedroom which she had been saving. It amounted to about £60 all in all which he did eventually admit to taking and paid back. He had a part time job over the Xmas season which has now finished and his last pay check was Friday. On Sunday evening he told us he had about £70 in his bank account to which I advised him to make sure he kept enough money to enable him to get to college and back. The £70 had gone by yesterday (he doesn't know what he has spent the money on ) but I'm so annoyed that at his age he cannot see the wrong in spending money that is essentially not his.
His answer to it all is "well I won't go to college then if all you're worried about is £4!!" Argh!!! It's not the money it's the principle!!

[flow4]

I could have written exactly this post last year, Vino, right down to the "well I won't go to college then if all you're worried about is £4!!" comment.

If he's anything like my son, he does know it's wrong; he's just taking the piss. It's an 'instant gratification' thing I think: I want = I get, with no self-control.

In my DS's case, he was also smoking and using some drugs... And since he didn't have an income, he needed to get cash in other ways, and seized any chance that came his way.

It caused real problems for me, because I felt that on principle he should pay it back... And when I then didn't give him lunch money the next day, he did skip college... And when I took back any amount he'd taken out of his allowance, he stopped co-operating and was really horrible and took money more often.

Is there any chance of your DS getting a p/t job? My DS only really stopped doing this when he had other sources of cash...

[PourMeAVino]

Oh flow I need you to move in with me [big grin]

On Friday I got a phone call from the college to say he hadn't turned up for lessons. I was so embarrassed until he came strolling thru the front door at about 1/4 past 3 (college finishes at 4 on Fridays)

I went completely mental - i mean I really lost it with him. His argument was that a boy at the bus stop (!) had told him that lessons started at 10 - they started at 9 so he missed first registration - and then was so late for the next 2 classes he also missed registration for them. The reason he left early was because his gf was coming round at 4:30 (even tho I had told him in the morning to tell her to come later because no-0one would be home then). I am so frustrated by him. He was grounded on Friday and no gf allowed round - that didn't go down well at all!!
My DH managed to get hold of some gardening work for him for Saturday and the lady would pay him £50 for a few hours work (should have gone myself !). He did a couple of hours on Saturday, was there again yesterday and has to go back tomorrow (a day off from college anyway) to finish. Honestly I just want to scream at him.
He comes from a good family (both me and DH work) and I have no major problems with the other to DC's (15 and 5) but his attitude is driving me round the bend.
He had a college session today and am waiting for him to come home. No calls from the tutor as yet so I'm assuming he actually made it in today!!

[PourMeAVino]

Didn't mean to scrub your name out flow - bit new to this and got the emphasis thingy wrong