i know its boring but........untidy bedrooms!(16 Posts)
Driving me insane. DD 13 its a pigsty. clothes DVDs make up shoes books crisp packets just in a pile, on the bed of a day on the floor at night! I crack regularly and insist all rubbish/dishes cleared out but its driving me insane. I spent 2 hours in there today clearing surfaces sorting clothes even cleaned the bloody fishtank. Asked her go up to put the clothes away off thebed and Ive just been up to check on progress and shes decided to move the bedroom round and it looks worse than when I started. Blew my top and come down. I know the sensible answer is shut the door and leave her to it but it just doesnt seem to bother her.
Shut the door and leave her to it! It doesn't matter that it doesn't bother her, you just have to not let it bother you.
If there are specifics - like dishes vanishing, or the fish's welfare suffering, then insist on those. But otherwide, just shut the door on it. Sooner or later it will either bother her, or she'll move out.
I have one too, so it's quite normal behaviour from both of you! Hope you feel calmer now.
I also have an older teen and have come to this conclusion. At 13 I would still want to incentivise and supervise to a certain extent a generally clean tidy bedroom. I wouldn't do it for her. By 16+ I would only insist on basic health and safety stuff, empty bin,
mostly clear floor and no dirty dishes. No incentive any more, loss of priveliges if disrespected. It works about half the time
I talk to mine a lot about grown up abilities and threaten to make her a smiley face chart like her little brother....
They are still very cute when they're asleep
in their clothes .
I get the cleaner to hoover d.d.'s room once a week and she has to clear the stuff off the floor for that. I insist on dirty underwear being put in basket. The thing that gets me is that it either stinks of nail varnish, stinks of the great unwashed or has the window open so far that it triggers the central heating system and costs us a fortune in gas. The rest of the time I tend to leave the door firmly closed! Peace is more important than dust.
Shut the door and leave them to stew!
ban food/drink from the room if she's at risk of attracting mice/mouldy things though.
Otherwise black bin bag everything that is on the floor..... and pop it in the loft/garage for while and see how that goes ..
Maybe it's different with boys or I haven't got it too hard yet
I don't allow food anywhere other than the dining table even crisps. If he have a movie night then ok food in livingroom but has to be cleared to the kitchen afterwards - that saves on the rotting food in bedrooms thing.
They need to put their dirty laundry in the basket every night.
If their rooms (and their games room --mustn't call it play or toy room anymore--) aren't kept tidy then they have to do it on a Saturday morning or there is no screen privilidge for the rest of the day.
The incentive is that I have a deal that if the rooms are tidy, I will clean them when i do the rest of the cleaning - i.e. I'll hoover and dust. If they are not tidy then they have to hoover and dust themselves after tidying.
Sure this wont last though.
I was very messy as a teenager too!
I think there are a few options here:
1. Close the door and leave her to it
2. Give her a deadline to get it tidied e.g. by 7pm on Saturday otherwise you'll put it all in bin bags
3. Threaten o take photos and post it all over Facebook, Twitter and Instagram etc, (but don't actually do this!!)
4. Offer to help her with it on the weekend (the threat of my DM going through my stuff would have been incentive enough for me to do it myself!)
Make sure she's got storage space, e.g enough clothes hangers, plastic under the bed storage boxes etc.
I sympathise with your annoyance.
However, if it's not a health or fire risk my advice is don't sweat the small stuff, as far as possible.
Its normal! Ds1 is 13 and as he had four days off due to snow do and him blitzed the room together, I was a nightmare as a teen and would have done as your dd did and moved my room around, drove my parents mental! I am a fairly tidy adult now tho
insist that health hazards are removed. If teen leaves window open for hours, turn off the radiator, teen probably too daft to turn it on again. Washing only done if it is put in the right place. Remove fish to safer place, or kill it humanely by chucking hard against a wall, no more pets that are not looked after.
otherwise close door and leave. Their problem if they are so entitled that they want to live in a mess.
Watching this thread, I have ds 16, ds 14 and dsd 11, also our ds 3.
I have not got the time to gut their room til I can at least Hoover.
I make sure bedding is clean, laundry, and windows.
I have told them (older 3) they are responsible for one room in the house, I am for 13 ! So to do their share !
Yesterday I took a picture if the dishes I brought down from their rooms, took me 3 trips to carry them.
X box, phones, lap tops will be banned if I see a dish or wrapper in their room tomorrow !
Sympathises but ignore.
There are or will be far bigger battles. Consider it her space and suggest she sorts out her own laundry so you don't need to go in and tidy. Pop a big bin bag in once in a while.
sympathy from as well, my son 18 is not to bad, my 16 year old DD is a nightmare, have banned food, mainly because i was running out of plates, a year ago i told her no pocket money unless her room was cleaned once a week, she has till sunday night to do it, so far she has not cleaned it for months, saves me £10 a week which i soend buying myself a nice bottle of wine.lol , i just close the door. I fish out the school uniform on a friday and wash it but all other clothes can stay on the floor if she does not want to put them in the washing.....
I was so fed up with DS1 (17) and DD (15) using the floordrobe as a dumping ground for dirty clothes and also newly washed and ironed stuff that I bought them both a cheap laundry bin from the pound shop and told them that I would empty said bins every morning. If anything was left on the floor, it would be put in the bin as I would assume that it was no longer wanted/needed. This seems to be working but it's
the first week early days
Our dc do own laundry. Started late last autumn, gave each own tasteful laundry basket and one day a week to do own laundry. Works a charm. Bought drier specially to accommodate them, they are 15, 14, 12. Got this bit of advice of another mum though. Doubt I'd think of it myself. They also Hoover own rooms at least once a month, empty own bin and bring down plates regularlyish. Also now change own bedding monthly. Am now off Valium
We have a cleaner, and she is instructed to only do their rooms if the floor is clear, so once a week they have to tidy it up, or she won't do it, which means they have to do it themselves. This has only happened once so far.
Ds1 is much tidier than ds2. One thing that made a big difference was when he turned (not age but behaviour) more teenagerish, we did up his room, changed round the furniture, painted a bit, couple of new bits of furniture and acessories. He was really proud of his new room and wants it to look nice, so it is rarely messy. Didn't work for ds2 though.
I disagree with leaving them too it. I was a very messy teenager (having to leap from the door to bed as couldn't walk on floor) and I was usually left to it. I struggle a lot with tidying up and think if I had had to do it every week, and not allowed to get it so bad in the first place it would have helped in the long run.
A minimum once a week tidy or sooner if it's too bad. You can have your iPod/phone back as soon as it's tidy in a nice calm voice works wonders.
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