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What do you do with a DS who is too lazy to fix himself some lunch?!

(119 Posts)
Horsemad Thu 03-Jan-13 21:25:44

Typical 15yr old, obsessed with computer games. Gets up and immediately goes on pc (during weekends and holidays - has tried this on school mornings and had short shrift).

When I'm working I leave before he's up, it's obvious to me that he's not had breakfast or lunch when I get home. He says he's not hungry, but I suspect he eats his selection box chocolate whilst at the pc.

I don't mind him being on the pc, he's out of trouble and I know where he is etc, but I'm getting fed up with him not eating!

hugoagogo Sat 05-Jan-13 17:07:33

I try not to call it neglect; as someone who was neglected.

But I too try and make sure the dc have a safe place to live, with food provided, if not prepared and the facilities to clean themselves and their clothes/bedding.

But, not hand them everything on a plate.

I think it has worked mostly

Bonsoir Sat 05-Jan-13 17:09:19

No, it sadly doesn't work that way, Booyhoo. You have a perfectly competent 8 year old who gets up early and brings you Nespresso in bed, happily serves peanuts to guests at dinner parties, makes his own bed and looks sad if you bake without him and he morphs into a 13 year old who would rather eat pizza in bed in pyjamas at 6 pm having played on his phone and iPad all day.

Bonsoir Sat 05-Jan-13 17:11:05

Hmm. When does hands-off parenting become neglect?

Booyhoo Sat 05-Jan-13 17:12:53

what is the problem with him eating pizza in bed in pyjamas at 6pm? you seem to be miffed at the loss of service he provided for you and your guests.

Bonsoir Sat 05-Jan-13 17:13:51

Yes, I am pro child labour and will be calling the union hmm

flow4 Sat 05-Jan-13 17:13:54

It's too early to say, Bonsoir... The signs are reasonably favourable, but ask me again when they're in their thirties and I'll tell you whether I think they've grown up into likeable, admirable human beings. grin

I suspect it's just like the old one-up-manship I used to encounter at toddlers' group: "Little Johnnie has two teeth!", "Oh is that all? Little Eric has FOUR!"

Both Johnnie and Eric become equally skilled chewers, in time. grin

Bonsoir Sat 05-Jan-13 17:15:39


I tend to think that you need to put in lots of extra work in childhood ensuring they have lots of life skills. Even if they lose 50% of them temporarily as teenagers, 50% of a lot is preferable to 50% of very little...

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 17:19:10

This reminds me a little of the packed lunch thread where I got flamed for daring to suggest that when many of the pliable 7 and 8 year olds turned into teenagers they'd eat what they liked when they liked from the school canteen and the local shops, and people were adamant that their DCs wouldn't be feral like mine but would eat what they were given.

Funny old world.

mrsjay Sat 05-Jan-13 17:23:29

the packed lunch thread was bonkers though i ran away FAST

Booyhoo Sat 05-Jan-13 17:23:38

why does it remind you of that thread linerunner? i'm not saying your dcs should eat what they are given, i'm saying they will eat when they are hungry (logical, no?) rather than being dosed with a series of different versions of the same question before they give in and agree to eat when you want them to.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 17:24:35

"Oh really seeker? How exactly does all your family participate in all the catering at every single meal in your home, pray tell?"

They don't. Obviously. But they do participate in the table setting and washing up of 99% of the meals they eat, either cook or help cook or plan or shop for a significant majority, and acknowledge the effort that their father or I put into the rest.

They don't seem significantly scarred by this process.

Bonsoir Sat 05-Jan-13 17:27:04

Honestly, not all teens do eat when they are hungry. In fact, I went through a long phase of forgetting to eat. If you are a greedy pig sort of person that might not ring a bell, but it does happen.

seeker Sat 05-Jan-13 17:27:16

And they do that because they are members of the family, and things run smoothly and happily if we all work together.

I realise that sounds a bit sickening, but it's true.

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 17:33:07

It just kind of does, Booyhoo.

LineRunner Sat 05-Jan-13 17:39:07

On that packed lunch thread I remember finally feeling obliged to say that I had been a breastfeeding, organic vegetarian food home-pulping mother, and one poster came on and wailed, 'But why do you now have all these terrible thoughts?!' [Thinking that they might not eat their healthy packed lunches every day]

Because they are teenagers now.

SecretSquirrels Sat 05-Jan-13 17:42:56

seeker Mine do all that too, it's just that they need a little nudge. And I don't insist on family meals 3 times a day. If we all sit down to a meal together in the evening I am happy to leave them to it the rest of the time. Some of that time they will "forget" to eat and others they are like a plague of locusts.

I have taught both of mine to cook and yes I have fond memories of them begging me to let them help hoover.
Teenage brain overcomes all that and they move in a different dimension unless you occasionally drag them back to earth. It's not about spoon feeding.

TheOneWithTheHair Sat 05-Jan-13 17:59:52

I've read the whole of this thread and I have some thoughts.

It's not about whether they are capable of it during their teenage years but whether they can be arsed! Ds1 is 16 and had done a meal a week since he was 12. He's now at catering college as he wants to be a chef. He has a part time job in a restaurant.

He will not make himself something to eat if there is someone else to do it for him because he can't be bothered.

I'm afraid op that you'll have to just see it through but don't cook until you are ready and let him do a meal a week for the family.

Booyhoo Sat 05-Jan-13 18:06:21

grin @ bonsoir's not so subtle suggestion that i am a greedy pig.

and how long did you go without food for bonsoir? a year? a month or did you just miss lunch. and what happened that made you have a meal again? i'll bet it was hunger. really, it isn't going to kill them and they will eventually drag their wasting stick thin frames to the fridge. if they forget to eat then they forget, they wont do it forever and they wont waste away.

Horsemad Sat 05-Jan-13 19:59:16

Wow! Am a bit shock at the way this thread has developed, I had no idea what a minefield it might become smile

I guess the nurturing part of me wants to ensure he eats, as he is a skinny thing who hasn't an ounce of spare flesh. The other harder part of me wants him to wake up to the fact of being AWARE that he nees to eat!!
He isn't expecting me to do it for him, he's snacking on chocolate and then isn't hungry for sensible stuff.

I've decided I'll confiscate the chocsand try & encourage him to eat a lunch. He does the same at school, I find packed lunches in his bag, they're usually about 6 wks old, ewwww!!

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