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14 year old son never goes out with friends

(55 Posts)
WorriesRus Thu 03-Jan-13 12:21:51

My 14 year old whilst being happy with lots of interests - (he plays in a football team, is in the scouts and loves school) but rarely if ever goes out with friends. He spends his time in his room with his hobbies - he builds models for his skalextric and spends time on his computer, not often on facebook and not on twitter at all. I feel he should be spending more time with friends and have tried to encourage this.

It's his birthday this weekend and I tried to get him to invite some friends to do something (cinema, go-karting?) but although he had 3 friends in mind whom he would've liked to ask he never got around to it, saying that he would rather wait until he was asked by them. I think it is a confidence thing and he is scared of being turned down. How can I help him to build up confidence and a healthy social life?

Nellatje Wed 14-Aug-13 13:55:48

I became a member of MumsNet today because my 14 yr old DS is doing the same thing. Mooching about, happy to slob all day, not making any effort (apart from online) to socialise with his friends. His older brother (17) is out and about a lot but I seem to remember he was similar at this age. It's comforting to hear other people are experiencing something similar with their younger teens. I do wonder if it is more my problem than his. He certainly seems happy enough!

thornrose Wed 14-Aug-13 14:06:45

I think the crux of the matter is whether they are happy. My dd is quite lonely, some teens mentioned on is thread seem quite happy in their room!

My sis has to remind me how shy and introverted she was as a teen. She is now in her 40's and she has so many friends and leads such a full life.

WorriesRus Wed 21-Aug-13 12:25:21

Since beginning this thread in January, DS still doesn't make plans to see friends other than the occasional kick about on the field near us. Just had another talk with him (it has become a bit of a joke that I'm always saying he should "make some plans") and he became a bit tearful and angry with me. I am not sure whether I should just drop it because although he acknowledges that he would like to socialise a bit more he's not willing to do anything about it and I think I just draw attention to it and make him feel worse. He is very happy doing his own thing and is still in the football team and Scouts and has friends at school.

bigTillyMint Wed 21-Aug-13 12:38:20

I would leave him to his own devices and just occasionally encourage him. Is he on FB/BBM? That seems to be the only main way my DC communicate with friends. But even then, the boys seem much less able to organise stuff than the girls!

If he is in the footy team and scouts and has school friends, he sounds like he is completely normal - maybe recharging his batteries for the social onslaught in September!
And at least you know he is safe at home, not out drinking/smoking/whatever smile

Janet37 Sun 25-Aug-13 07:31:14

Wow, this is so good to read. My 14 year old son is nice, doesn't drink/smoke or take illegal substances but won't go out. It has concerned me for a while now and I have nagged him to socialise more, but after reading all of this I will leave him be! I suppose I've thought he was different to his friends but realise that his maturity and ability not to follow the crowd shows me what a strong character he really is. He like many others spends a lot of time in his room on computer, online gaming...but he's safe and I should be happy! Thankyou everyone x

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