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MaryZ's support thread for parents of troubled teenagers - Part 2 here's to a peaceful 2013

(811 Posts)
Maryz Tue 01-Jan-13 15:57:49

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supersec Sun 10-Feb-13 18:14:30

my worry is will he skive off work (if he gets a job) to go and smoke cannabis - 2 of his friends will be continuing at college this year and obviously they smoke cannabis too. we will have no control over this but we are wondering if this is what is coming next. I know i am getting ahead of myself but it is hard to look at anything positively. For the last 4 years there has been nothing positive to find in him. And everything is linked to cannabis.

Maryz Sun 10-Feb-13 18:18:58

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rocketeer Sun 10-Feb-13 18:43:25

I need help/reassurance here please. I 'phoned 999 today because dh's nephew who we have brought up for the last 7 years punched Dh in the face after a calm request for nephew to smoke outdoors not in him bedroom. He has been taken to cells and the police have been lovely. Nephew had contact with his mother yesterday which I'm sure was a catalyst but we promised ourselves that the next time he was violent we would press charges. So should we do it or let the police scare him a bit then let him home? Really not sure, nephew is desperate to join the Navy so an arrest could ruin that but I worry his temper would let him down anyway.

Maryz Sun 10-Feb-13 18:51:33

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rocketeer Sun 10-Feb-13 19:00:57

First time for 999 but not first time he has been violent. Dh's brother has gone to the police station to see if he can scare nephew about a record stopping him joining the navy. I don't want him back in the house tonight so bil is going to take him back to his house for a couple of nights. Our ds's are only 9 and 7 and were so scared, will take a while for them to get over today...

Maryz Sun 10-Feb-13 19:07:54

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Maryz Sun 10-Feb-13 19:08:31

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Footface Mon 11-Feb-13 15:53:13

Thank you all for your support last week. I did come back and read all your replies and was trying to detach. But the situation has become unbearable and In not sure how my relationship with dp can actually survive This current situation. Some of you must have dp's who are step parents how do they cope.?

Midwife99 Mon 11-Feb-13 17:17:42

Foot face I'm afraid you end up having to "choose" between them. I chose my DH because my son's behaviour was intolerable to me too. He went into care when he was 16.

Maryz Mon 11-Feb-13 17:20:56

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Footface Mon 11-Feb-13 18:01:57

Thank you both for your replies. I think I have to take the bull by the horns and say xyz with happen or dc's and me will ask you to leave.

Midwife your ds sounds very similar, sometimes it's overwhelming

Midwife99 Mon 11-Feb-13 18:12:51

It is overwhelming. He is so abusive that I have to have periods of no contact to re establish boundaries feeling guilty as hell throughout

Footface Mon 11-Feb-13 20:51:02

I sorry to hear that midwife, sometimes just sometimes I feel like cutting contact completely

Midwife99 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:26:47

I can't do that forever of course & I do worry myself sick but when I get abusive text after text because I won't give him money I don't know what else to do.

Maryz Mon 11-Feb-13 21:33:28

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Midwife99 Mon 11-Feb-13 21:44:47

He's gone quiet since the texts last weekend because he is sulking that I have said no & therefore don't care about him even though deep down he knows he was wrong
One thing I've been thinking about - I'm actually really scared that he will become an abusive partner to women in the future. He has such anger issues & can be so nasty & violent. It's a horrible thought.

Maryz Mon 11-Feb-13 21:58:01

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Midwife99 Mon 11-Feb-13 22:01:09

Yes emotionally he is about 13 I reckon. I hope he does grow up before he gets someone pregnant!!

Doinmummy Wed 13-Feb-13 09:25:47

Things not good. I've been signed off work I had a complete melt down yesterday , just collapsed and couldn't stop crying.

DD has refused to go to school. She has controlled assessments today one if which requires cooking ingredients. Now she's told me she is going so mad rush to shops to buy stuff.

She is being shunned by all her friends at school so that isn't helping. She's still adamant that because she's behaved for 3 days she should get an I phone. Her birthday is Saturday and I have bought her nothing.

I'm wrung out. She's alternates between totally ignoring me and screaming at me.

Maryz Wed 13-Feb-13 10:09:35

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Doinmummy Wed 13-Feb-13 11:50:57

There is nowhere for her to go maryz . I'm dreading half term because shell be with her boyfriend and he's not a great influence . I took her to school at 11 but she says she won't stay all day .

She has always had trouble with friendships, even in junior school, i I think it's some sort of insecurity thing . She has said shell go and see the counsellor on Friday so that's a blessing. I am waiting for a call from the home /school liaison officer who is meant to be a support for me. GP is not much use. He actually said he doesn't know what to suggest . There is a drug centre near us where I think anyone can walk in and get advice/ help so I might try them.

Maryz Wed 13-Feb-13 12:03:15

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Doinmummy Thu 14-Feb-13 20:29:37

Can't post too much, I'm exhausted. DD attacked me today. I found her in a cafe with 2 young men. We had appt at school and she didn't want me to go . She barred the front door and wouldn't let me out. I got the phone and said I'd call the police if she didn't move. She then went for me . I did get out of the house and went to meeting with pastoral manager and a police woman.

After a lit if pleading I've managed to get her dad to have her tonight.

Footface Thu 14-Feb-13 21:14:26

Doinmummy- can dd dad not have long term? I'm really sorry thus is happening. Being barred from leaving the house or room is awful. My ss used to do it. I wish I had called the police now. Did she move when you told her you were calli g the police

Doinmummy Thu 14-Feb-13 21:18:00

Her dad said he can only have her tonight. She would not budge when I asked her to move so I got the phone and tried to ring the police. That's when she attacked me. Police searched her room and found more evidence of drugs. She'd run off by then.

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