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13 year old bedtime

(44 Posts)
bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 09:48:55

DS1 is 13. Normal bedtime 9.30/10 during school term, over holidays we are more relaxed and let him stay up and watch TV with us if we're in or play on Xbox. Husband and DS had massive argument last night at almost midnight. Dad walked in DS's room and said he had 5 more minutes on game then had to turn Xbox off. When he went in 5 mins later DS went mad saying that 6 of his friends were online playing against him and that we are only parents who make a big deal about bedtime. DS can be very rude ( just with me and DH) and doesn't know when to back down, hence blazing row with his dad.
I'm now questioning wether we are too strict about bedtime as he is a teenager now. TBH, Im a little surprised though at his friends parents allowing their children to stay up past midnight on Xbox ( I know my DS isn't lying about this as you can see they are online).
When DS goes for sleepovers at his friends, quite a few of their parents go and watch TV upstairs and leave the boys downstairs to watch films etc and stay up all night if they want. When my DS has friends for sleepovers here we don't allow the kids to take over our lounge and we expect them to turn TV/ games consoles off in bedroom, when we go to bed ( normally around midnight).
What's the answer ? Opinions/ advice gratefully received !....maybe me and DH just need to chill out a bit more ? [fconfussed]

Cybbo Sat 29-Dec-12 09:50:52

I would take the Xbox/TV out of his room and let him play it downstairs a bit later. A compromise of sorts

bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 09:51:04


bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 09:52:13

Sorry Cybbo, that confused sign wasn't aimed at you, didn't get it right at end of first post !

Cybbo Sat 29-Dec-12 09:52:58

you have to decide your rules about bedtimes in holidays and if he keeps breaking them, there has to be a consequence. I think 12 late for a 13 yr old.

Get that ace book 'Get out of my Life but first take me and ALex into town.' Teenage bible

bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 09:55:17

Trouble is, we put it in his room for his birthday when he turned 13 as he often wanted to play on it in lounge when myself and DH just wanted to watch TV in evening IYSWIM.

Cybbo Sat 29-Dec-12 09:55:21

Kids v good at playing the 'youre the only parents who wont let me' card too.... Choose your battles but if its something you feel strongly about, you're the parents, he's the child. If he wants to have the hump. let him. He'll soon see you wont back down but I think it needs to be a time that that is agreeable to you and him IYSWIM

bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 09:56:09

Like the sound of that book ! Will defiantly read that, thanks

Cybbo Sat 29-Dec-12 09:56:23

He could be playing on it at 2am and you wouldnt know....

Cybbo Sat 29-Dec-12 09:57:45

its a great book, helps you stop worrying about whether your kids hate you or not (inevitable at some point) and how to decide what the non negotiables are in YOUR home

Mrsrudolphduvall Sat 29-Dec-12 09:59:52

Ds 13 goes to bed 9.00 school night but about 10in the holidays....we go to bed by then normally.
He has xbox in bedroom but isn't allowed on it after 10pm....he is pretty good about it, although we have had the "all my friends do"

No they don't son, I know their mothers.grin

LauriesFairyonthetreeeatsCake Sat 29-Dec-12 10:00:45

Dd is 14. Bedtime is 9.30 on school days, 10 in school holidays.

On sleepovers they don't go to sleep, they're just not allowed to keep me awake so they have to giggle quietly.

Turn the router off so he can't play. Whatever you do it's your house, there's no way I'd have a moveable bedtime, sleep needs to be consistent.

SizzleSazz Sat 29-Dec-12 10:02:10

My nephew goes at 10pm and dsis has the 'everyone else is still on' problem too.
They are sticking to it though and ok ATM. I would say 12 is pretty late. Could you say he has to sign off by 11ish and then some no screen time before bed?

SizzleSazz Sat 29-Dec-12 10:02:54

Meant to say 9.30 school nights and 10 in holidays

noblegiraffe Sat 29-Dec-12 10:18:01

Yes, there are kids who stay up all night playing x-box games. They are the ones who are practically comatose in the classroom and tend to underachieve. I bloody wish their parents would take the x-box out of the bedroom and make them switch them off at a reasonable time (10 very latest as they need winding down time before sleep). Don't think you need to emulate these parents, it's not a good thing to be so laid back.

bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 10:18:25

Think we have been a bit too relaxed over school hols this time with regard to staying up until 12. I agree about consistent bedtime and stick to this with 7 yr old DS and have done with DS1, just thought that as he is getting a bit older it would be a treat. The 930/10 bedtime during term time seems to work well, he does very well at school and is thought of highly by teachers...just isn't always like that with us ! ( I was exactly the same blush). Agree about no screen time for an hour/ half hour before lights out and this happens during term time when he reads quietly. Will review holiday situation...console off by 10 tonight me thinks ! Thanks

bunniesmum Sat 29-Dec-12 10:22:15

I should have mentioned in first post, sleepovers that I mentioned only happen on occasional weekends, never during week.

WildWorld2004 Sat 29-Dec-12 10:25:52

What time does your ds wake up and does he seem tired during the day?

PhaseTwo Sat 29-Dec-12 10:25:52

My dd goes to bed at 9.30 ish on school nights but has been going at about 11 during the holidays so far. Yesterday we sent all children to bed at 9 because they didn't get up until 1 pm, I'm all for having a lie in but they were starting to become nocturnal and then it becomes so hard to get back into the school routine.

MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic Sat 29-Dec-12 10:29:30

I have DS1(almost 15) and DS2 (12) who share a room. In the holidays they go to their room around 9/9.30 and they can pretty much do what they want (quietly!) until 10.30ish - if I can't hear them I'm not going to 'check' they're in bed grin But they don't have consoles in their room, and they don't have anything with internet access either. Sometimes I feel a bit mean, chucking them into their rooms, but I do think that I deserve a bit of time without them, no matter how nice they are smile

rubyrubyruby Sat 29-Dec-12 10:30:37

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slartybartfast Sat 29-Dec-12 10:36:16

i have 3 teens, internet goes off at 11, but it is a hard rule to stick to, when 18 year old doesnt have college next day .
in holidays i do let my 13 year old stay up late. but yesterday she was aboslustely wasted. and sleeps a lot in the day. <<guilty face>>

rubyrubyruby Sat 29-Dec-12 10:38:14

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

slartybartfast Sat 29-Dec-12 10:40:01

i must be tougher with my 13 year old.

bigTillyMincePie Sat 29-Dec-12 10:44:23

DD 13 bedtime is 9.15ish in the week, 10ish in the hols, unless it is a "sleepover"

ruby, when I tried turning the router off (DD's Facebook addiction...) it took us ages to get it all going againconfused

Was worth it to get one over DD (after she had been particularly rude and unpleasant)grin

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