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Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Parenting teenagers has its ups and downs. Get advice from Mumsnetters here.

Teenagers

DS, 17, VERY reluctant to go on holiday

17 replies

IssyPeach · 26/12/2012 19:48

Tomorrow, very early, we're due to go to Spain for a week's holiday - flights booked months ago when they were cheap & DH knew that we'd be working through the Summer - in fact, we haven't had a family get away since 2010.

Older DS - fine - looking forward to it. Will be preparing for Uni exams but is fine - says being away may help the revision.

DS, 17, giving me hell over this - we had to go much further to a self catering place that we hoped (so much more petrol for hire car) as he insisted he needed wi-fi. (Teachers say he doesn't - that you can revise for AS exams with books and past papers - he says otherwise - long running battle in this house - ). Now, he wants to stay while we are away. We're not happy leaving a just 17 yr old in the house and older DS wouldn't like to be without his brother. And, frankly, DS does precious little study - sits on his PC, saying he has to - oh, it's a long story and I'll come on here for support in the New Year, if that's OK ...

Anyway, I feel terrible. Work punishing hours, low pay, DH recently lost his job - (after flights booked ...) - feel in need of some rejuvination.
DS complaining about everything - the quality of the laptop we'll have to bring - the fact he'll be coped up for 6 hours in the apartment while we're out (says he's been told to spend this long everyday studying for January exams). He cannot be positive - can't see how tired DH and I are - really giving me a very hard time.

His study skills are appalling and we need to work with school on that - we know that if we left him here, he would do very little - and, anyway, we don't want to.

We can't cancel flights - could only transfer to another time but that involves huge admin fees (the cost of the actual tickets!). DS had been Ok about going away - now the panic is setting in (finds some subjects very hard) -

What to do? I feel so low - when I should be looking forward to tomorrow. Thanks,

OP posts:

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almapudden · 26/12/2012 19:54

Leave him behind.

MsElleTow · 26/12/2012 19:58

I wouldn't have booked it in the first place, TBH. They need to do a lot of work for January exams, my DS1 gave himself Christmas Day and Boxing Day off this year and the same last year.

In your shoes, now you have booked it if you are dead set on going I would take him with you because realistically it is the only way he will revise.

harbingerofdoom · 26/12/2012 20:00

No,don't leave him. He's a 17 yo boy that really wants to be cool and have a party.
Tough it out,he is not an adult.
It will all be okay in the end and don't listen to his ridiculous excuses for not going.

Mrsrudolphduvall · 26/12/2012 20:01

Agree with MsElleTow...bit pointless going away if ds has to revise.
Can you leave him with a relative?

Merrylegs · 26/12/2012 20:03

Girlfriend? (as in does he have one.)

AS exams are grim and really important. Perhaps he is freaking out at having left revising to little too late and was hoping for a last minute push? You do kind of need access to the internet for revision sites, background reading etc depending on what subject.

OTH if there is little distraction for him out there other than to study it would be good for him to go.

harbingerofdoom · 26/12/2012 20:04

He can revise abroad. You don't need wi fi. May have to download material but these are AS levels. Plenty to do from the text books and past papers.

IssyPeach · 26/12/2012 20:06

Thanks, all.

No, no relatives, I'm afraid.

I know I shouldn't have booked - at the time, pre his GCSEs, I didn't think about Jan AS exams. My guess is that he is very, very stressed - to the point where he doesn't know how or where to start his studies. One or two subjects, in particular, are proving very hard and he's put his foot down about getting additional help ie a tutor.

TBH - I'd say to hell with the tickets - and cancel and support him through revision over the next week. DH would be OK with that, too. But older DS would be hugely disappointed - rarely do we get away as a family.

I'd do something else for/with older DS before he goes back to Uni - but I don't think he'll understand as he believes that going away will well and truly help his revision.

OP posts:

IssyPeach · 26/12/2012 20:09

No - merry - he doesn't have a gf. Actually, the rather sad thing is, is that if we left him, he would be entirely on his own (with the cats and neighbours popping in occasionally) - he has very few friends - none that he sees outside school. He has become very, very introverted over the past years - very sad. Spends way too long on his pc - harbinger, you're right, I think.

He has past papers - plus the answer keys for checking - and books - in such a turmoil over this!

OP posts:

thewhistler · 26/12/2012 20:14

Take him and his books. He will be better able to focus away from his normal stuff. You will have to oversee and help but it will be a good morale boost for you all.

Work on his schedule with him on the flight.

Been there, albeit at an earlier stage. About to do exactly this with Ds. Revising in long haul flight. Revising in between other stuff. No question about upsetting the schedule. Made Ds revise on coach trip abroad.

Mrsrudolphduvall · 26/12/2012 20:14

Doesn't sound as if your holiday is going to be a bundle of laughs anyway.
Maybe let dh and ds1 go as you suggest?

Famly holidays are not all they're cracked up to be..we don't do family ones anymore. Too stressful.

thewhistler · 26/12/2012 20:15

Feel free to pm me.

drownangels · 26/12/2012 20:18

I think you have bigger things to worry about than a family holiday tbh.

harbingerofdoom · 26/12/2012 20:39

A week away from his 'online' PC won't hurt him and may get the revision on track. Throw all his books/papers in the case-he could come back knowing them insideout.
You all need a rest,so let the boys do their revision while you and your DH relax,potter and get some shopping. Make cooking a family/relaxing time for lunch. Repeat.

Merrylegs · 26/12/2012 20:59

Oh god, well in that case, take him. Honestly. He needs time with you, away from the pc. You can manage his revision while he is away. Don't leave him on his own and don't cancel just for him. Sounds like he could do with a change of scene tbh.

sashh · 27/12/2012 09:18

By a dongle for the laptop and put a spanish sim in so he gets the internet.

Let him sulk for 6 hours a day.

LongTimeLurking · 27/12/2012 20:46

17 is old enough to fend for himself for a week isn't it? (with neighbours or family keeping an eye / acting as emergency support).

Sounds like you would all be happier if you went and he stayed.

musicposy · 28/12/2012 16:32

DD1 had a holiday she made a big fuss over coming on. In the end I got so fed up with it I said "fine, stay at home."

Once faced with the prospect of fending for herself for a week alone she decided she would come after all - and I then had the upper hand as she had to agree not to moan the whole time!

I don't think I'd be forcing a 17 yo to come (my DD1 is 17). It's hard when they're not studying as you would wish but sometimes they have to find out these things for themselves. 17 js quite old enough to take the consequences of a week home with no study.

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