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(55 Posts)
ohcluttergotme Fri 21-Dec-12 13:28:46

Ok, in state of panic. DD is 13 and lately full of attitude and completely obsessed with herself and freinds, probably pretty normal stuff. Yesterday went to friends from half day at school and was meant to be having a sleepover. She then text at 7:30 to ask if she could get bus at 10 from friends house. I said thought you were staying and no 10pm is too late. After numerous texts where I thought she was really pushing things we agreed on her getting the bus at 9pm. When she came in she threw her head round door and straight away I thought something was up. Asked her to come back in and asked her how was school, how was your day etc She got very defensive and her step-Dad (of 12 years) asked her if she had been drinking. She then burst into tears and said she couldn't believe we would think this, not believe....much dramatics and totally out of character. I then told her to go to her room. I went up and asked for her phone and said she was grounded. She seemed under the influence of something. We then got into huge fight and it was very clear she was drunk or on drugs and I slapped her and told her to go to bed. Checked on her throughout the night and early morning. Had to take ds (3) for an appointment this morning and was out of the house for 90 minutes when I got back she was gone. Have been round to friends and she's not there and friend said they were not drinking last night.

Long story and thank you if you've made it to here.

Not sure what to do now. Do I phone the I wait a bit? Have sent her facebook message but she doesn't have her phone so can't phone.

Any help/advice much appreciated sad

chrismissymoomoomee Fri 21-Dec-12 13:41:03

Have you messaged her friends? Message her again and tell her she has 10 minutes to let you know she is OK or you are calling the police or even put it on her FB wall so one of her friends can see it and tell her to get in touch. If she hasn't responded in 20 mins call the police and ask for advice.

You absolutely shouldn't have slapped her. That was out of order. I did 'normal' teenaged stuff and got hit for it and thats a large part of the reason I don't speak to my Mother anymore. You need to control your temper.

TheReturnoftheSmartArse Fri 21-Dec-12 13:46:40

Slap aside (none of us is perfect), if it were my 13 year old I would be calling the police.

I hope you find her safe and sound very soon.

hellhasnofurylikeahungrywoman Fri 21-Dec-12 13:47:56

Give her a 30 minutes to an hour, if you have no response to the FB message call the police.

eatyourveg Fri 21-Dec-12 13:52:52

If they are only 13 I would be wanting to talk to her friends' parents to see if they can shed any light on where she may be.

Can you check her phone to see if this gives you any clues eg a txt last night that might have suggested a planned meet up for today? the phone will at least have the phone numbers of her friends unless it has a PIN protected security lock.

Do you have any other parents numbers? if not then ring the school, I assume the office will be working today on an inset? They won't be able to pass on any numbers but if you give them permission to pass your number on, they might be willing to ring another parent and say you need to get in touch with them urgently.

So sorry not to be any more help.

ohcluttergotme Fri 21-Dec-12 13:55:03

I've messaged her friends and one of her friends has sent round a bbm thing and has messaged me back to say no-one has seen her. I've sent her a private facebook message but can't send her message to her phone as I have it. Know I was bang out of order with slapping her and know I really lost my temper. My mother alos did this to me and I resented it so much. She was just quite out of it and massive attitude...not an excuse I know!

Will give it til 2:15pm then phone police for advice, thanks for advice

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 21-Dec-12 13:55:27

What did you say in the FB message ? I think it could do with being along the lines of that you're sorry and worried about her, that she mustn't worry about coming home and you will all sort this out . That you need to hear from her urgently to know she's ok. Then give it an hour and ring the police. Meanwhile text various friends parents and see if they have seen her.

beckyboo232 Fri 21-Dec-12 13:58:02

None of us are perfect. Did you apologise in your fb message? Tbh I would be calling the police especially as her friends aren't getting any reply.
I hope she is ok.

BackforGood Fri 21-Dec-12 14:00:34

I wouldn't be calling the police.
She's gone out. You took her phone, so you can't check where she is, but a 13 yr old going out when she's cross with you, without leaving a note as to where she's gone, is hardly a police matter. It's a strop. She'll be at one of her friends moaning about how unfair life is.
(Yes, I do have teens - a 16yr old ds and a 14 yr old dd)

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 21-Dec-12 14:01:19

I wouldn't necessarily trust that none of her friends have seen her at this point, 13 year olds have a tendency to cover for each other. Think you need to give it a little time to filter down the line but not too long.

eatyourveg Fri 21-Dec-12 14:02:01

Do you believe her friends when they say they haven't seen her or do you think they are covering for her and she may be with them saying "tell her you haven't seen me"

I would send another msg to her friends telling them that you really worried and are going to report her missing to the police - you may just get a different response

ohcluttergotme Fri 21-Dec-12 14:02:23

Spoke with friends Mum when I went round to house earlier, she asked her daughter if they had been drinking to which her daughter said no. School office is now closed. Managed to get into her phone last night but didn't really give anything away. She was meant to be going to the friends house that I went round to today. Her phone now won't let me open it. She is normally not a bad teenager and we have a good relationship, she was so out of character last night. I have never slapped, hit or smacked her bum as a child, she has always been so good. Just wish I knew she was ok.

givemeaclue Fri 21-Dec-12 14:06:14

Oh dear. How can she get in touch when you have her phone? Why did you slap her and accuse her of drinking and being on drugs for goodness sake.

I can't see that other than having a teenage tantrum she has done anything wrong!

Why would the police be interested?

ohcluttergotme Fri 21-Dec-12 14:07:08

In facebook message I sked her where she was, that I was really worried and if I didn't hear from her I would have to involve police. The last number dialed on our house phone was my mum (her Gran) who she is really close to but my Mum is at work. so she must have been waning to go to my Mum's. I know that I was out of order but if she had been under the influence of something which I am convinced she was then I did feel that taking her phone and grounding her was the right thing to do. If I had known she would storm off I would of left her with phone.

givemeaclue Fri 21-Dec-12 14:09:21

How will she access Facebook without her phone

givemeaclue Fri 21-Dec-12 14:09:57

She will be back by dinner, cook her something nice and apologize

thewhistler Fri 21-Dec-12 14:10:53

Not been in this position but ring the police at 2.15 if you haven't heard.

Ring the parents to find out also if there was drink, and ring het bfs' mums to find out if their Dds were in a similar state.

It is possible that she was given something without her knowing or accepting, or something happened that she is uncertain about. It is a difficult time and she may need sympathy or understanding.

ILoveOnionRings Fri 21-Dec-12 14:11:22

Did friends mum say why the sleepover did not happen?

What time aprrox did she go - if she has gone to town / friends how long would it take her to get there and has she got bus fare or a bus pass. I am thinking she may have gone out to meet friends, probably pre arranged if there is no school today. Has she taken her house keys?

I found teenagers love a drama and perhaps in another 10 - 15 minutes send the message that you are giving it till 3pm and if you have not heard anything you are going to the police. I agree with eatyourveg that you may get different response

beckyboo232 Fri 21-Dec-12 14:11:45

Have you gone to your mums, he's might be waiting there?

beckyboo232 Fri 21-Dec-12 14:12:04

She might be I meant, damn auto correct

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 21-Dec-12 14:14:31

Would she be trying to make her own way to your Mum's . DD's friend (also 13) ran off and was found on her Way to the bus station, I think trying to get to her Dad's.

Think you need to put that you are sorry and you reassure her she can Coe home and you will sort things out, not just that you're worried about her. the problem is whether she's able to see it as she's without her phone. It kind of relies on her being with a friend.

WynkenBlynkenandNod Fri 21-Dec-12 14:15:43

Also agree about the message to her friends about involving the police might provoke difference response.

usualsuspect3 Fri 21-Dec-12 14:17:11

Has she gone to your mums work?

givemeaclue Fri 21-Dec-12 14:21:03

Calm down. Teen goesout after argument with parents is the basic situation. She can't access Facebook etc without phone. Leave her be she will be back later when she has calmed down. Give her some space. Stop panicking, she has not been kidnapped out the house she has chosen to go out.

givemeaclue Fri 21-Dec-12 14:21:42

Telling her friends you are calling police is ridiculous.

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