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teenagers on drugs

(39 Posts)
Gonegrey Fri 09-Jan-04 16:08:16

my teen is using drugs how can i find out reason

kaz33 Fri 09-Jan-04 16:10:56

How do you know ? What are the symptoms ? What do you think they are doing ? Have they told you they are ? More info required.

PS: Drugs are fun and a lot of kids try them out as part of experimentation and growing up. The majority grow out of it without any harm being done to themselves or there family.

lilibet Fri 09-Jan-04 17:10:41

What's happened gonegrey? I have a teenager andthe prospect worries me. What sort of drugs, hard ones?

mieow Fri 09-Jan-04 17:36:35

Gonegrey I was a horrible teenager and I smoked puff, took e's and speed. I did it for about 1 year and then it was out my system and never touched the stuff again. I am now a mum to 3 wonderful children, 2 with disabilities, but hey, I don't need drugs anymore.
Many teenagers grow out of drugs, have you any idea what drugs?

Gonegrey Fri 09-Jan-04 18:41:27

hi and thanks 4 replies. I understand that some of you think that it is fun to do drugs and yes I am sure most teens grow out of it. But living with someone on drugs whatever ones is not fun it is a nightmare at times. And watching your child mess up is not fun either. Maybe I worded it wrong not how do I find out the reason but apart from talking to him how do I make him realise life is not 4 throughing away

Janstar Sat 10-Jan-04 11:40:23

Hi, Gonegrey. I am sorry you have not had much response to this, since you are obviously very worried. I don't have any experience of this problem, so I can't advise really, but I have a feeling that you need to post more about the details of what is going on. I think there will be lots of mumsnetters who will offer good advice if you are a bit more specific. With what you have said I think it would be hard to know where to begin with advice.

Roscoe Sat 10-Jan-04 11:55:47

Gonegrey - I guess the only person who can really tell you the 'why' part is your ds. The reasons for starting will depend on the individual. It may be a case of peer pressure or even just waanting to 'fit in' with the rest of his friends. Do you know his friends well or is he at the age where he doesn't want to introduce them to his parents?
Another reason is that he may have heard people saying that they are a good thing and he wants to find out for himself. Others start taking drugs as a form of escapism. While they are high they don't have to deal with their problems or emotional pain. Does your ds have any problems that you know about?
Do you know what kinds of drugs he is taking? Are they a recreational thing or do you think that he is addicted to them? If you know exactly what he is taking then you can ask Mumsnetters for specific details of the harm those drugs can do, or if you'd rather not say then you could always find some information about it on the Internet and print it out for him. As others have said, we'd like to help more but it's difficult without a little bit more detail.

Jollymum Sat 24-Jan-04 20:14:25

Gonegrey-so sorry you are having a hard time and I just wanted to reply. My Ds is nearly14 and he gets away with a lot because he goes to his dad's sometimes. His friends do drink and when he's at their houses the mums offer them drink (and it's like it's normal) I therefore I am "sad and gay" because I don't automatically offer teenagers alchohol when they walk through my door. Don't get me wrong, all my kids have sipped our booze from tiny, and because of that, booze is not a big thing in the house. If you want a swig of wine, ask Mum and you can have one to taste. My dh and I drink like fish and we know that one day, ds1 will get drunk and have his first hangover. However, drugs are another issue. I do joke with my ds1 about sex and drugs and mostly his reply is just "Yeah, mum" etc etc. BUT how old is your ds, if he's older then that is maybe harder for you because he is nearer to adult and maybe not as willing to "joke" around. It depends on what drugs he is using, I have told DS1 that E is not a joke, one wrong one and that's it, you are DEAD. Yes, maybe mum and dad smoked pot/whatever but it is not the same. Does your DS have a friend,relative/dad? to talk to? It could just be peer pressure or it may have turned into an addiction. He and you need help. Try phoning, with or without his knowledge, drug helplines/childline type of things. They will have been there before and maybe have some good ideas. Hope things work out for you and your son-keep posting.xxx

Gonegrey Mon 08-Mar-04 11:17:35

hi all, thought i would let you no latest on ds2, and his probs, well I have talked alot more to him as suggested by you, it has been quite good as he strangely has been quite open about his drug use, I find it difficult as I am still quite naive about drugs and the names for them,but am slowly educating myself all about them. Ds2 confides that he is only smoking hash and that I am very stupid to get stressed as it cant do any harm and everyone does it, apparently for an eighth it costs 10 pounds and it is great for him he says as it helps him to escape this shitty life that he is in. The only trouble is apart from the fact that I hate my ds2 doing drugs is he will not stop having a mental about money to pay for his addiction even though he says you can't get addicted to hash... he seems to think that I am the one going to pay for it. When I spoke to the doctor they just said he will grow out of it and just ignore him when he smashes up the house cause he can't get the money he needs for the stuff. Some help hey. Well I take one day at a time and hope soon that he will realise that there is more to life and that I will be able to get through to him that he has so much to offer and get back if he is with us and not high on another planet.

zebra Mon 08-Mar-04 11:23:13

That's really tough, GG. He's wrong about the addiction, of course; Anything can be addictive. Worse, cannabis can make you supremely paranoid and irrational.

CountessDracula Mon 08-Mar-04 12:48:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

M2T Mon 08-Mar-04 12:55:54

I agree with CD here. I have taken just about everything and I have friends who still have quite serious problems with hash and speed, but I haven't heard of them smashing up a house to get money for it.
You've never divulged how old he is, this could have some bearing on it. It sounds awful and sounds a lot more serious than smoking dope, I'm afraid.

Twinkie Mon 08-Mar-04 14:31:24

Sorry if you are using drugs to escape a shitty life you seriously need help - he will soon realise that hash will become less and less effective and he will either smoke loads more or start using something that will help him blank out his life Also don't let him tell you its not harmful (you sound a bit niave) - it can have hideous side effects and long term implications for his health,both mental and physical!!

Agree with the other girls - didn't think Cannabis made you violent - are you sure its not something a bit harder?? And as for him smashing up your house - how long do you think it will be until he breaks into someone else's house ro snatches a bag or something - his behaviour has gone past what is acceptable in someonen who is not on drugs - so yes he is an addict!!

Think maybe you should give a drugs advice line a call - didn't the government just launch one called trevor or something - please find some info from a trained professional - his life could slowly deteriorate till it becomes such that it is a huge effort to get back to normal society!!

doormat Mon 08-Mar-04 15:17:12

Hi GG
Agree with CD and the others thsat it does sound dodgy when someone is smashing up the house for a bit of weed, I think he is on more that he says.
Or it is a behavioural problem and he is seeing "his weed" as the problem and also the scapegoat for his behaviour also maybe to get you into thinking that you will buy him more to stop his violent behaviour.
Kids can be pretty crafty.
Why not take him to the docs and get a blood test done to ascertain what drugs are in his system also a parent group that helps addicts can be very useful for info on all sorts on drugs.
Hope it gets sorted
xxx

Gonegrey Mon 08-Mar-04 17:51:28

I asked myself and him same question sure it is more then weed,I know even weed is harmfull and that having a tantrum is not going to get him anywhere with me. I suspect it is something else that he is using but unless I can find out what it is going to be hard. About a year ago he was sniffing petrol which was a shock apart from a fatal ending. We argued, talked and got through it. But as I say know all I can find out is that he is using hash. After finding two bongs in room. As for doctors, he refuses point blank to go, and dragging a 15 year old there well you can imagine.

Thomcat Mon 08-Mar-04 17:56:13

Can only echo what others have said. Cannabis shouldn't and in my experience both personally and with dozens of friends, doesn't lead to violent outbursts.

I'm so sorry to say this but I think there is more to this than meets the eye. But what can you do. What are the other signs? What is his skin like. Look for signs and come back here to discuss if you like.

Sorry you are going through such a worrying time.

Gonegrey Mon 08-Mar-04 18:08:55

The only sign is red blood shot watery eyes. I know alot of you think Im perhaps stupid and naive but thats why im talking as this is all new to me. when I was a teenager I knew there where drugs about but never used them. As I said earlier am trying to educate myself on drugs. Sorry crap mum

colette Mon 08-Mar-04 18:34:51

You are far from a crap mum. I think keeping him talking to you as much as poss (as you are doing) is really important. I agree it sounds as if he may have dabbled further than hash.
Good Luck and do not put yourself down.

AussieSim Mon 08-Mar-04 19:09:21

Gonegrey, I am sorry you are going through this. Does your DS have a part-time job or does he completely rely on some allowance from you?

Is his Dad or a Dad like figure on the scene, or is there some other male role model that he might listen to. I think that every teenager thinks their mum is either a pushover or mad so it makes it difficult to help them. Does he have a sports hero or someone like that that you could maybe write to and ask them to talk about drugs with him - a long shot but not unheard of.

I bet the police have got some information to help parents in this situation. Is he still in school? Maybe the school counsellors can help.

It would be so good if he could have an 'ah-hah' moment now rather than later. Sadly such ah-hah moments often consist of seeing a friend badly injured or OD'd or busted by the police or whatever, or missing out on something else he really wants - like a girlfriend or a certain mark in school.

Does he have other interests or ambitions that you could encourage him to channel his energy and time into (you know the old use the positive instead of the negative - instead of don't smoke drugs - why don't you join a football club, or buy him a PS2 to play at home or I don't know what else).

My FIL bribed my DH not to smoke cigarettes by promising him he would buy him a car when he turned 18 (nothing flash but ...). I know bribing is not in vogue, but it might be worth a try.

I know 15 is pretty hard to say you are grounded and can't go out or whatever but you do still have control over him formally. What about rehab for teenagers - surely there would be camps or something.

Anyway as you can tell this is just a stream of conciousness for me, but I hope that it gives you some ideas. Don't worry about being naive or anything. I am sure that by the time my DS is a teenager I will have no idea about what is going on.

Good Luck!

Jollymum Mon 08-Mar-04 19:32:41

GG-the school surely has a drug "policy"? Are his friends doing it as well, do their parents know and what will happen if school find out? Sorry, all questions but my teen is 14 and has just had a really scary but enlightening talk from Steven Betts (the dad of Leah Betts, the teen that o/d'd). I found out that the kids were really impresssed with this man, (from one of the other teen's mum) because he didn't just tell them to stop, he talked about his "child" and showed them pics of what happened to her and others. They were fairly horrific from what I can gather, but it seemed to have had some effect. He described what drugs and habitual use do to kids, and everyone in the hall looked at one kid who everyone knows is doing stuff. Grades slip, kids get quieter until they score and then go manically wild and talkative. You need help from outside to deal with this. I cannot believe the police just fobbed you off! If your teen is getting angry enough to smash up the house over spliffs, then he is either doing other stuff or maybe there is another underlying problem. Maybe he has girl trouble, bullying problems or maybe even he knows he is in deep shit and wants help getting out of it without looking as if he's asking "mum" for help. I hope things work out, keep talking and I'll try and find out some more info. There are helplines available for parents and kids, but as you say, he's 15 and not "draggable" to anywhere. He needs to want to go.Check out the Yellow Pages for helplines, they will maybe give you the right words to help him. Good luckXXX

Thomcat Tue 09-Mar-04 13:58:55

Wish I had some answers, this must be a terrible time for you. However kids will be kids and I've dabbled and so have 98% of the people I know and we're all fine people (!). What I'm saying is that a lot of teenagers have to experiment and this includes drugs unfortunatly. All you can really do is watch and be there and keep doing what you're doing. Hopefully this is all something and nothing. Please do keep chatting to Mumsneters about stuff etc. lots of love and sympathy.

twiglett Tue 09-Mar-04 15:23:57

message withdrawn

Tortington Wed 10-Mar-04 09:32:02

did you want brat camp last nite? tuesday 9pm cant remeber what chanel. it had m in hysterics with the pink haired lazy arsed bong smoking tongue pierced teenagers - slamming doors and pulling shower curtains down and screaming and crying. then they took them into the wild in utah where it was very very very vold and they had to make their own fire and their water was frozen and they had NO ciggies!!!!!!! and no toilet or toilet paper. cant wait for next week. even those who had hit their mums were writing home saying " please mummy get me out its so horrid!!"

Gonegrey Tue 16-Mar-04 14:51:51

Brat camp is on tonight am looking forward to a good laugh he he

Twinkie Tue 16-Mar-04 14:59:11

Hoorah - great telly then tonight - can't wait for the little shits to get their cummupance!!

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