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Did my Ds steal a small fortune ?

(32 Posts)
brighterfuture Tue 04-Dec-12 20:52:31

Bloody hell ... Dh and I are in total shock, We had very large amount of cash hidden in the house which we had ready to buy a car and its gone missing. We have searched everywhere and are completely shellshocked and devestated.

I've asked my dc in a non accusatory way and they all deny knowing anything.
I can't help thinking about how much cash Ds 16 has been through lately and how lack of money has been such an emotive issue with him. He smokes a lot of dope and takes MDMA and lsd that I know of.
I can't help wondering if he's stolen it and if so how to prove it and what to do about it.
It's in large notes which I imagine he would have trouble spending without suspicion and only the other day he went crazy about a tenner someone owed him (surely not the behaviour of someone who has stolen a small fortune.) He's not stolen from me before though he has slowly sold all his belongings of any value. I think I am going crazy as I've no idea what to do.

TheSecondComing Tue 04-Dec-12 20:55:00

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AgentProvocateur Tue 04-Dec-12 20:57:27

Yikes! No idea what to do but you have my utmost sympathy. I know how it felt when I thought DS had stolen £20 from me, and the sheer relief when I later found it. Did he know where the money was? Is there any chance it could have been anyone else?

Jalopeno Tue 04-Dec-12 20:58:53

Do you know exactly where you hid the money? It sounds like you are unsure if you 'searched everywhere'

MrsHowardRoark Tue 04-Dec-12 21:00:53

We had a similar incident in our family a few years ago.

The culprit owned up after a call was made to the police. We didn't actually suspect this family member so called the police to report the theft. We then said we had made a mistake and cancelled the visit and made them pay off the debt.

It was a real shock and I'm sorry that you may be dealing with the same thing. This family member will never be fully trusted again.

Could you perhaps tell him that the police will be paying a visit because there must have been a break in?

DowntonSprouts Tue 04-Dec-12 21:06:14

DH had quite a lot of money go missing at work. More than £1000 over a period of time.

He had a spy camera put in and it filmed the cleaner stealing from the safe.

It maybe too drastic for you but these cameras are relatively inexpensive. If you put some money where you think you hid the last lot it would tell you whether your suspicions are correct.

brighterfuture Tue 04-Dec-12 21:08:28

second coming I hope not, but maybe you are right....

I know where we hid it but the dc didn't know we had it. Because its not there. I've been looking everywhere like a crazy person, wondering if we could have moved it and then had some kind of memory wipe out clutches at straws

There's a faint chance it could have got knocked onto the floor but surely we'd have seen an envelope stuffed with cash. It's unlikely anyone else has had access to it as no one else goes into our room and the dc haven't had friends around when I've not been in.

Themumsnot Tue 04-Dec-12 21:11:26

Have you searched all the DCs' rooms?

Fedupnagging Tue 04-Dec-12 21:14:38

Did you or someone tidy up and maybe throw the envelope away? Perhaps check your recycling bin.

You say your dc's didn't know you had the money but if DS was desperate for cash for drugs, he may well have gone rooting around to see what he could find. Horrible thought I know and very distressing for you.

TheSecondComing Tue 04-Dec-12 21:14:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

brighterfuture Tue 04-Dec-12 21:25:55

No not at all resigned..... If a child really wants to get off his head he will find a way regardless of punishments, grounding, removal of priviledges etc. You can either boot them out and let them get on with self destructing or you hang on in there and hope they'll come through.

TheSecondComing Tue 04-Dec-12 21:27:54

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sleeplessinsuburbia Tue 04-Dec-12 21:28:15

The drug addicts I have known would have thought nothing if stealing large sums of money from family.

Only you know who has had access to your house and how hard you have searched for the missing money.

I'd call the police.

brighterfuture Tue 04-Dec-12 21:28:59

Mrs Howard That's a good idea. I think I will tell them the police are coming round to talk to us all and see if that gets any reaction.

Chandon Tue 04-Dec-12 21:32:40

Have you had any builders, workmen, cleaners, window cleaners, friends, anyone in your house???

Also, regardless of the money, you sound vety resigned about our son being a drugs user. Is it really that ormal and o.k. To you?

TheSecondComing Tue 04-Dec-12 21:34:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Doinmummy Tue 04-Dec-12 21:41:14

My friends DD is a drug addict. She stole money from her mum. She didn't know where it was but just searched through her bedroom .

Re your sons addiction OP, it's so awful for everyone concerned. How do you help them when they won't be helped?

MrsDeVere Tue 04-Dec-12 21:45:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Rwep Tue 04-Dec-12 22:17:13

I'm afraid it does sound like it was your son, but clutching at straws for you, we were burgled while we slept once. No-one woke and they made no mess at all. Just DH's phone was missing, which our DCs were blamed for - they were very small at the time and suspected of hiding it, not stealing. We would never have known except that I found DS2 playing with DH's SIM card which the thief had thoughtfully left on the dining table. Then a few days later I realised a small amount of cash was missing too.

Do you have a UPVC front door, is there a tiny dent (made by a screwdriver) in the frame by the handle?

flow4 Wed 05-Dec-12 01:10:05

So sorry brighter.

I have been in this situation, except that I knew my DS had stolen from me... It's dreadful. You might remember one of my threads from earlier this year...?

Don't feel too despairing if/when you read them... Things are a lot better with my son: he's back in college, attending regularly, studying, not taking m-cat any more, and hasn't stolen from me again since I let him come home in April. 8 months ago I couldn't imagine ever forgiving him again, but I (almost) have.

So if it was your son, there is a way through this...

And get a cash-box and lock fitted on your bedroom door, just in case.

FellatioBellsOn Wed 05-Dec-12 05:44:15

Yes, he has stolen it to buy drugs. Or to pay off drug debts. Or to buy a sufficient quantity of drugs so that he can deal himself.

You need to turn the house upside down in the hope that you can find some proof. Can you go into his room while he is sleeping and take his phone?

brighterfuture Wed 05-Dec-12 07:14:06

Thanks for the links flow they are really helpful. It sounds like you went through such a hard time with your Ds, It's helpful to see where you set your limits. I know from your more recent posts that things have a improved a bit for you smile .

My problem is I don't know if it was my DS. My Dh put the money somewhere that I felt wasn't that safe (under the matress) inspired not but as it was DH's savings I could only suggest he put it elsewhere and he chose to ignore me. Maybe be it fell out through the slats and got lost somehow....

There were several thousand pounds so I can't help thinking I'd have seen a change in DS behaviour if he'd taken it and I haven't.

He worked all last weekend to earn money, getting up early and working till late (would he have done this if he was already loaded ?) But he's a clever lad so maybe he's covering his tracks and I did harass him into doing his job ( he works occasionally at a hotel when they have events on)

He was out last night and I did a major search of his room but found nothing. I also did a search on his computer history and nothing came up.....

The suspicion and not knowing is horrible.

Chandon Wed 05-Dec-12 08:03:51

Maube try to deal with all the drugs use, regardless of whether he took the money?

As that is an issue that needs to be dealt with either way.

SavoyCabbage Wed 05-Dec-12 08:12:27

I agree with you that you would have noticed if her had been spending several thousand pounds.

How long ago did you see the money?

You must do something about the drugs regardless.

VivaLeBeaver Wed 05-Dec-12 08:25:12

Have you taken the mattress totally off the bed and made sure its not stuck between some slats?

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