Unhealthy friendship advice(5 Posts)
A few months ago, I posted because dd (12) was planning an active lesbian relationship with a girl from school. She was very confused, and hormonal, and got herself in a right mess. We caught her before anything happened, then it all came out at school, blew up in her face, she had counselling and things really settled down over the summer holidays.
However, last night she was on the phone to the girl again. Said they just friends, nothing more. But she was on the phone for an hour and has sent a picture message.
I really don't want dd going down that avenue again. It really screwed up her schoolwork, made her very unhappy. My instinct is just to forbid it altogether, but chances are she'd just carry on in secret.
Do I let it go, and keep a very close eye and monitor the situation, or do I put a stop to it now, and totally lock down on her and risk her possibly going underground with the whole thing, iyswim, where I can't look out for her?
If it were my dd I would explain to her that she is bound to be confused, excited, hormonal etc. because of her age. I would explain that to protect herself from a lot of emotional turmoil she really needs to wait until she's older before she takes anything further with either sex.
I would totally support my Dd if she felt she had lesbian preferences but would explain that at 12 she is still too young and vulnerable to enter into anything physical and that any friend of either sex who puts pressure on her to do so really doesn't have her best interests at heart.
Rather than trying to stop her, try to open chanels of communication by being extremely understanding and empathic so she feels supported by you in these confusing times. Tell her you want to trust her to make wise decisions.
If she is a lesbian then she really needs to know that she's truly accepted and approved of for who she is. If she feels strong in herself she is far less likely to be emotionally hurt by others.
We did have that conversation with her when the whole issue first blew up, and I was really relieved that she did open up and talk to me, and we did stop her going through with any sexual activity.
I think it's why she has been pretty open about talking to the girl again this time, she does still trust us atm to tell us this. I'm jsut not sure it is going to be good for her restarting the friendship
If it were a boy you'd have exactly the same concerns at 12. Perhaps you can make that clear to her?
The fact that its another girl does make it different. On top of the fact that 12 is very young to be romantically involved with someone the OP's dd will have to deal with the potential gossip and judgement of her peers if she comes out as a lesbian. Is she emotionally ready to go there ?
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