I just need to off-load really. Gentle back rubbing and sympathetic noises appreciated!
Where to start?
She won't get up in the morning. We take it in turns to tell her to get up. First me, then DH, then me, then DH. We start nice: "Time to get up for school!" . Gentle request: "Please get up!". Pleading: "please get up - we're all busy this morning and it's hard work for us to keep coming in and asking you." Angry pleading "Come on - you can't be late for school again this week". Total exasperation "Oh for goodness sake- GET UP!". Meanwhile trying to sort our two youngest (including ds with ASD) out, get ready for work, sort lunches/bags out.
Eventually after 20 minutes to half an hour of this (and sometimes [precipitated by the last resort strategy of leaving room holding her duvet) she'll get up, looking like the wild woman of wonga, snarling and furious.
She leaves EVERY DAY without breakfast, and without taking her packed lunch. Every day. She won't take her packed lunch because my food is 'shit' apparently, and because she wants to punish me for not giving her lunch money instead. I have made a decision not to give her money because she has used it to buy energy drinks and sweets with, none of which help with her horrible behaviour.
So she storms off. Usually she leaves something behind (PE kit, house keys, homework) and we end up charging up the road behind her with it. She refuses to pack her bag the night before. We ask her to do this every night and she just won't.
She is totally resistant to doing homework. Rarely write it in her homework diary. If I make her sit down and do some work she makes my life a misery - shouting, moaning 'I can't do it', over and over again (she can). Won't put her phone away while she's working. BBM'ing constantly. We made a rule that she puts all electronic gadgets/facebook/youtube to one side while she does her homework. She screamed, shouted, slammed doors, refused to comply.
We told her she has to give us her phone when she goes to bed, (so she reads in bed instead of BBM'ing). She locked herself in the garden with the phone. Then in the toilet. Then sat screaming at us for an hour while we had our dinner (after we told her that we'd cancel her phone contract if she didn't hand it over within 5 minutes). Then threw the phone at DH and stormed off.
She is horrible to her brothers (tries to get them to give her their birthday money, is bullying, makes comments about my 9 year old being gay, calls her autistic 7 year old brother a freak and deliberately winds him up at bedtime so I have a hard time putting him to bed). She has slapped both boys around the face in the past 2 weeks, is manipulative (tries to make them run errands for her) or aggressive to them.
She does nothing around the house. Nothing. She won't even put her plate in the dishwasher or her clothes in the laundry basket. Storms in while I'm working and harangues me to clear the rubbish off her bed so she can lie on it for hours and hours at the weekend, watching films on her computer.
She swears and casually uses bad language around the house. Tells her brothers to 'piss off' all the time. We pick her up on it every time. Every time. She still does it.
Last night we went to her year 9 options evening. She took no interest in anything. Wouldn't ask any questions. Didn't talk to any of the subject teachers. DH turned around to me and said halfway through the evening 'Her apathy is heartbreaking'.
She's not depressed. She has plenty of friends.
We are doing our best. We have a list of rules that we have printed out and given to her recently so our expectations are clear:
? One hour of homework done every night, at kitchen table. No music, no tv, no internet (except what is strictly necessary for homework).
? Leave the house by 7.40 am on a school day. Have your stuff ready before you go to bed.
? Write your homework in your homework diary.
? All homework handed in on time.
? Pick up rubbish from your floor every day.
? No energy drinks.
? Plates and cups put in dishwasher after use.
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Phone left with us when you go to bed at night.<br />
If she does her homework every night, and gets to school on time she is given money at the weekend and allowed to go out. If she doesn't, she doesn't.
So at the moment she gets no money and isn't allowed out. Because she won't sit down and do her homework. So she's around the house screaming and shouting at us all the time.
We're fecking exhausted.