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15 year old with boyfriend..how much snogging?!!

(6 Posts)
febel Fri 02-Nov-12 17:33:05

Bit tongue in cheek my title but would be grateful to have others views/advice. My (just) 15 year old yd has been going out with her bf for about 15 months. He is also 15. He is a nice lad and I don't mind having him round. They stay downstairs really. (we have had issues before with her ..mobile "relationship" and "grooming" with 18 yr old when she was just 14, another lad's fully excited(!) penis piccy etc on phone, condoms in her room..think there was an earlier thread about this..tho she assures me they aren't having sex..and I don't think they are..and no I don't snoop but found out by accident)

My question is, how lovey-dovey should I let them be, even if I am a little uncomfortable at times with it..and I don't think I am a prude, and my elder two would definately say I wasn't! My husband particularly objects to them draping all over each other in the back seat of the car when we have been out for the day, particularly when she is half out of her seat belt. He has told her not to, she has a shout and says we are weird, and then does it again. We have repeatedly told her not to,she did the same today,he asked her to sit up straight and she erupted (she is VERY short tempered and can be q nasty even to her boyfriend) and moved to the other side of the car..altho he hadn't told her to do that, just to sit up straight with seatbelt on properly, and she refused to talk for the rest of the hour long journey, staring out of the window and no doubt leaving boyfriend feeling v uncomfortable in the back with her. I have no objection to hand holding, the odd kiss, arms round each other etc

She is always putting us down anyway, and has caused trouble between us in fact, and tells us HIS parents don't mind etc and why do we? Her sisters weren't like this with their boyfriends, and in fact I have always had a good relationship with them and the lads they bought home.

Theas18 Fri 02-Nov-12 18:13:51

tricky! I wouldn't mind the snogging/draping over each other in the house even if it made me go "eww" inside! Rather showing off in full view than doing what they like in her/his room.

However I'm a car seat safety nazi and that extends to sitting up IN YOUR SEAT BELT so it doesn't garotte you or snap your spine if there is an accident.
It'd be one in the front one in the back if they can't behave then.

Annunziata Fri 02-Nov-12 18:35:47

Well. I don't care what age they are, I don't want to see full on kissing in my house or in my car. I don't mind leaning on each other, holding hands, a cuddle or whatever.

To be honest none of mine would dare to do that in front of all their siblings!

flow4 Fri 02-Nov-12 20:34:53

You are deliberately keeping them in 'plain view' where you can keep an eye on them (and I'd do the same), so I think seeing snogging is the price you pay!

As a parent, I think 15 is probably the most stressful age for girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, because they are gagging for it think they are old enough, but you and the law think they are not. You do spend a lot of time 'policing' physical intimacy, and it can cause a lot of tension between you and DCs.

I think the only practical tactics are to (a) tease them gently if the 'petting' gets too heavy, and (b) involve them in activities that keep their hands and mouths occupied! them busy. If they are doing things - anything - whether it is cooking a meal, playing a game, helping you with the shopping, decorating, skating, bowling or knitting (!) - they are less likely to be snogging than if they are sitting around on the sofa watching TV grin.

I don't think 'banning' snogging or trying to prevent it will work, because they will simply go and do it somewhere else...

slipslider Fri 02-Nov-12 23:03:17

Maybe you and your husband ought to follow suit and see her reaction...when she finds it uncomfortable and suggests it is inappropriate then just suggest that you thought it was because she behaves like that all the time! ha! she will be mortified and maybe she will understand how you feel by seeing it!

febel Sat 03-Nov-12 00:03:58

Ha ha...and do try and keep em busy..but difficult in back of car. It's not him so much as her...but then she is always pushing boundaries anyway..or tries to. Have to say she is a far more challenging teenager than her elder sisters...always though was possibley the way you parented..but hey it's NOT...it's also the way they are BORN!!! You just do your best and try to cope....

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