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My daughter is steeling money from us, what do I do?

(8 Posts)
HelenKR Wed 17-Oct-12 11:15:00

My youngest daughter is 17, she's bright, talented, pretty. We are a stable family, been married for 20 years and have 2 daughters the eldest is 19 and studying to be a doctor. We are fairly comfortably off and I think have a good mix of expecting her to have a work ethic, but also getting stuff from us as our daughter and dependant. We provide her with a £30 per week allowance, we bought her driving lessons and a car for her 17th birthday, we love her very much.

When she was 15 she stole my credit card and withdrew money to buy clothes from top shop. She was grounded for 6 weeks and we took her phone and lap top off her for the same period. I thought she had learnt a lesson. But it's happening again.

To show trust she's been doing the banking for our business and over the last few weeks its been down between £20 and £40 each week. This week we confronted her and she admitted it. Why? because she wants to go on holiday with her mates and prefers to spend then save; steeling was her solution.

I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say, I feel so hurt and I am incredibly frustrated because as a person i'm driven by finding a solution - my mantra is 'there is always a way'. On this occasion i'm lost.

mrscumberbatch Wed 17-Oct-12 12:22:43

Kick her arse!

That is so disappointing.

For one, I'd take her passport. If she can't be trusted not to steal from her loved ones then she can't be trusted to go on holiday.

You bought her a car, she gets an allowance, if she wants more money she has to get a job.

I'd stop the allowance for a month, tell her to get a job and that she has to pay you back what she stole. Zero tolerance.

Vickibee Wed 17-Oct-12 12:25:29

Report her to the polcie for theft - maybe she will learn then. Tough Love?

Witchety Wed 17-Oct-12 12:31:26

She stole from your business? That's, to me, very very different. It's compromising your livelihood and is definitely a police matter.

ladywithnomanors Wed 17-Oct-12 12:36:05

I agree with the others who say that you have to get tough.
You have given her everything she's needed and more - and tbh she doesn't seem to realise how lucky she is.
I would stop her allowance and tell her to get a part time job.
Take her car keys off her. Let her know that you won't tolerate being stolen from.

Hopandaskip Wed 17-Oct-12 15:46:14

Yes, I would stop the allowance and the car until she has come up with a solution to pay it back and has done so. Tell her that you trust her to come up with some ideas to pay back the money and will help her if she needs it.

Have you come across Love and logic? I like their way of dealing with things.

charlearose Wed 17-Oct-12 20:06:56

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HelenKR Wed 17-Oct-12 20:35:12

Thank you for your help and comments, I really appreciate you taking the time.

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