Excuse me while I scream...

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Just when I think my DS1 (19) is finally showing the first signs of maturity...

He owes me this months rent.. and his Dad money too. I bought his first car 10 days ago..insured it, and he is paying my back via standing order.

But guess what..today I find he has NO money (for the rent/owed money..S.O not set up yet) and he owes friends money. And he was going to visit his sister at University and she was so excited about him coming:(

Now he can't do any of that, and I really needed his rent (not a big rent either.. he's paying me £120 a month which seeing as he earns £1400 is more than fair!).
He says he's really sorry, didn't mean to, and what is he going to do as his mates want their money back... (he just spends on crap). Frankly I wouldn't be sympathetic if one of them punched his nose as unreasonable as that is I feel SO let down by his behaviour. .. he just can't manage money and worse, he lies about it too.

He hasn't come home this evening at all.. probably just as well....

[brighterfuture]

How infuriating. Cancel his car insurance and tell him if he doesn't pay up for the rent you' re going to sell his car. What is he spending his money on ? Why does he owe everyone when he earns a fair amount and pays so little in rent? I have become very suspicious lately as my Ds haemorages money too, he uses it to get high

[flow4]

Sorry to hear that Medusa :( Go ahead and have a good long scream - as much as you need...

I'm afraid I'm wondering about drug use too. :( That's one helluva lot of money to get through in a month - as much as I have to keep a family...

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

Yes he does smoke weed..but not in that amount. He has always been awful with money..most of it will have gone on subway, big macs and general crap, cinema etc.

Worse is I have no control over it now. Meanwhile his sisters are struggling on the little I can send them to eat at University and work all they can to make ends meet. He's just so immature and selfish. He will be oh so sorry and pathetic now.
Cancelling the car is tempting but then he will rely on me to get him to work ..means me leaving ridiculously early for my job, and I was glad to stop having to do that.
Just venting my frustration really. He is so lucky to have a job and now a car and he still behaves like a total idiot!

[flow4]

They do behave like idiots sometimes. :( And you don't have any control over his spending, but you do have control over what you do or don't do about it... I think you probably shouldn't bail him out, or it will happen again. He must have spent far, far more than you have as disposable income...?

My son spent like that (and got into debt and stole from me) for a brief period when he got himself an m-cat habit. :( Even after tax, £1400 is £35/day - and that's an awful lot of Big Macs...

Can you get him to set up a standing order/direct debit into your account for future months?

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

The standing order will be set up tomorrow...with me at his shoulder (luckily I work school hours and he's off shift!)

I think it was sooo bad this month because he lost 4 days pay ..he had tonsilitis..genuine ill as can be stuff..first time EVER off work. And of course he no doubt owed mates from the previous month..then owed me..then owed... you get the picture. He does smoke weed.. I HATE it (obviously not at home or near) but he spends evenings at his mates where the mother allows it..but I don't think he is doing more than that . And of course he goes out on the town on 'cheap night'.
I think his main expenditure is baccy, weed and (now) petrol..as in 10 days he has clocked up a massive mileage for the pleasure of driving... he is an idiot.

I'm not bailing him out, and he knows it. He still hasn't come home yet... suspect he is a wee bit terrified...as well he should be!

[queenofthepirates]

You poor love-if it's any help, my DB was a twonk until he turned about 30, now he's a model of respectability with a doctorate, brilliant job and a very nice girlfriend. I don't know what changed but cutting off his pony tail seems to have been part of the process.

[flow4]

I love the word 'twonk', and it's so right for our teens when they're behaving like this! I must remember to use it more often!

[MedusaIsHavingABadHairDay]

'Twonk' just about nails it
I've had several very apologetic texts and he is on his way home. Just time for a big chat before bed... not one he is going to enjoy.

Sadly he doesn't possess a pony tail to cut off.. but I'm thinking something a little lower...

[flow4]

[didntthinkitwouldbelikethis]

Wish mumsnet had a like button- I love queenofthepirates comment