!4yr old daughter has become extremely fond of an 18yr old boy

[engrose]

I cannot bring myself to say 18 year old man but that is what he is, though a fairly immature one it seems. My daughter however, is extremely mature physically particularly and does seem to have a good head on her shoulders...however...

She met him while staying around her friends(same age as my daughter) -a chance meeting. I get the impression he thought she was older, though he is aware of her age now. They conduct their 'relationship' on the phone and she seems very taken with him. I have explained carefully and without histrionics the problems and legal implications of this relationship if it were to become anything else. I am not in the least bit happy about it but feel I need to tread very carefully (husband not so subtle) and keep the doors of comunications open or I may push her into his arms so to speak. Fortunately he lives a good 30mins away and doesn't drive though I imagine they will find away to meet one day.

My daughter has told me she understands that the relationship can never be a physical one while she is underage and that he is prepared to wait, but the longer this goes on the more concerned I am becoming.

Any advice will be gratefully received.

[YerMaw1989]

its good that she is communicating with you , have you met him in person?.

[engrose]

No not yet. However, I have suggested to her that I should but she's adamant that its not necessary. My daughter is well aware of the dangers involved where this 18yrs old is concerned (she says he is too) and that is why they are going to remain good friends only...I can't help worrying though that this will develop into something more as time goes on.

[dexter73]

That would ring alarm bells with me. If you are not allowed to meet him then neither is she.

[ClippedPhoenix]

I'm not saying you shouldn't stay alert but so much usually fizzles out at this age especially due to the distance involved.

[engrose]

You are both right...I will continue to keep the avenues of conversation open (hopefully) and watch her like a hawk! At the same time praying that nothing comes of this infatuation...good job mums are so good at multi-tasking!

Thank you.

[Bromptonaut]

I think you just need to keep a watching brief at this stage.

DD took up at 13 with son of her mother's closest friend. Still going on when she's 19. We know him well and treat him as a second son.

DS at 17 formed a close friendship through school drams/music with a 14yo lass. Subsequently moved on to 'going out'. Like yours she was physically and intellectually ahead of chronology and can understand the mutual attraction.

We'd no contact with her mother but both sides were happy to go to each other's homes and meet/eat with family. If that were not happening voluntarily then I'd have pushed for it. The not meeting him bit would worry me

Now both DS and DD are over 18 I'm easy with stayovers provided I've met them and 'broken bread' berforehand.

[FamilyAngel]

I work with parents and teenagers and the truth is teenage girls are often attracted to boys much older than themselves. I think you are doing a great job keeping the communication open and you are right that the more you object the more you will push them together.

Try not to worry. That doesn't help anyone and will just makes you more stressed. Take a friendly interest. The more relaxed you are about it the more she will share with you and the more likely you will get to meet him.

[SundaeGirl]

Teenage girls are very fickle. Is there anyone else closer to he age she fancies that you could encourage?!

[NonnoMum]

I think you are charging ahead. A 14 year old girl has a crush on an 18 boy. You have warned her that this relationship might become illegal.

I think you should encourage her to develop a friendship with him but not assume they will sleep together.

It's not illegal to be friends, even hold hands, even go on the odd date. If they are supervised (from a distance?) then they won't have the opportunity to sleep together...

[engrose]

Thank you for the advice and enabling me to look at this situation differently, it helps a lot.

I am meeting him on Weds, albeit briefly, but enough for me to get an idea. I will keep you posted.

[chimchar]

I totally understand your fears, and it sounds like you are dealing with the situation well.

I just wanted to share that when I was 15 I started going out with a nearly 21 year old man.

23 years later we are happily married with 3 kids.

It's not always bad news.

Good luck!