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ds sniffing deoderant.

(5 Posts)
brighterfuture Thu 11-Oct-12 06:55:30

Ds2 just 14 just got back from school exchange trip.

When dh collected him his teacher told him that the host family suspected he'd been sniffing aerosols. This tied in with the fact that before he left I had bought him a deoderant which was empty the same day . I assumed it was a dud, though later after he's left I found a towel which was drenched in a liquid permune. I had also recently bought a deoderant for my other ds which had dissapeared.

I confronted ds2 with the facts and he admitted to having done it , he says just 2 x. He is very upset at the school involvement. Apparently he denied it to his teacher and host family.
I am going in to talk to the school and have told him I want him to tell the truth to them as I am thinking that way it may shock him into never doing it again. Is it a good idea to make him admit it to the school ?

I am worried because DS1 is a heavy dope smoker and the school knows. Ds2 and I am worried they are going to tar ds2 with the same brush. I also feel like I am going to be judged as a crap parent to have the 2 of them known as drug abusers ! I have even namechanged here I am so ashamed ! They have always had a very stable, loving parents and I am trying not to blame myself sad

We have had a lot of trouble with Ds1 smoking dope , crazy violent moods etc... and I am devestated that ds2 who has always been very stable, hard working , seemingly happy, has now been trying this.
What really worries me is that he's been doing it on his own , not with peers which makes me worry he has deeper issues. The family has been through hell with his sibling and I am sure it has been hard on ds2.

Has anyone else had experience of this sort of abuse ? What other clues should I look out for to make sure he's stopped.

flow4 Thu 11-Oct-12 21:07:42

OH brighterfuture, that sounds tough, I'm sorry. I haven't had any experience with solvent misuse... But DS1 has used cannabis and m-cat and probably other things, and I also have a DS2 and really understand that fear that your younger child will be 'tarred with the same brush' sad

If he is upset and apparently contrite, I would be tempted to seize the moment, and take him to a young people's drug service. There will almost certainly be one in your nearest town, and it will almost certainly have a drop-in he can just turn up at. They'll have staff specially trained to work with young people, who will treat him with respect, and talk him through the info he needs and the choices and implications - calmly, which (if you are like me) you won't be able to do. He can access counselling through them if he wants, and possibly other support too.

(I did this when I discovered my son was using m-cat - not the first time when he'd stolen a large amount of money from me and sworn he'd never do it again and I'd naively believed him but the second time when I caught him stealing again. I basically googled to find a local service, phoned them up to check they were open, told him to get in the car, and drove. I sat outside in the car and waited while he saw someone. He went back by himself another couple of times. For him, it was an important turning point to acknowledge he wanted to stop and didn't know how. I don't think he's taken it since, and he was doing a lot of it, so it's a big and positive change for him).

Personally, I don't think I would tell school. This is definitely 'hindsight advice' because I probably would have done, a couple of years ago. But my experience now tells me that schools are more likely to be judgemental than supportive, so unless you're very sure your sons' school is different, I wouldn't. My sons' school has a zero tolerance drugs policy, so confirming drug use would lead to automatic exclusion. sad You will also spare yourself a lot of stress/bad feeling, and there is no practical help they can give that you can't arrange yourself.

Here's info about solvent abuse, if you haven't found it already

brighterfuture Fri 12-Oct-12 06:33:00

Thanks for the advice flow I am definitely going to follow this one through as I think I was too lax with ds1 thinking it was just a teen right of passage thing.

I already went into the school yesterday as I felt I needed to act fast. Ds2 admitted to the teacher and head that he'd tried it whilst on the school trip. We didn't mention the other time at home as I was trying to protect him from too much judgement. They were actually very concerned and nice and suggested he should have counselling as he opened up about feeling stressed about his exams this year etc.

This whole thing has really knocked me sideways . I am already so suspicious of ds1. I am always looking for and finding clues to what he's up to.

I am glad your ds is finding his way again.

I have since researched a bit on solvent abuse and it can be lighters, aerosols, tipex, glue, household cleaners etc. Ds2 has glue and tipex in his pencil case ! Apparently one way of taking it is called huffing where its sprayed under a towel hence the one I found covered in perfume.

This abuse kills more kids a year than all other drugs put together yet I had no awareness at all. They just don't teach you this stuff in parenting classes !

flow4 Fri 12-Oct-12 22:55:01

Yes, I knew about the death risk, but it didn't seem useful to mention it and freak you out sad

I am glad the school were supportive. The hard line my DSes' school takes is not helpful if you have a child with a problem. Though I do recognise they probably help to protect the majority of children by stamping down hard on the minority who use drugs.

I really strongly identify with what you said about feeling constantly suspicious. I'm like this with DS1. Although he seems to be sorting himself out a bit I'm not counting chickens and I still find myself on 'high alert': the obvious things like wondering what all those text messages say, whether teens coming to the door are giving him drugs, where he is when he's out late, whether I have cash missing, what sort of mood he's in... But also weird things like sniffing for the m-cat smell that I came to recognise when he was using it a lot sad This lack of trust upsets me more than anything else, I think sad

CheeseandPickledOnion Wed 17-Oct-12 17:28:42

Does he know it can easily cause instant death? Might help him stop.

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