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Ecstasy ? Should I have said anything ?

(5 Posts)
AandAmom Mon 08-Oct-12 11:39:10

My 18 year old sports mad very bright daughter left for uni 5 weeks ago, she has always been a bit self centred which I know drives my partner mad but I defend her to everyone - my partner, her dad, teachers everyone. Over the summer I noticed she was mixing with new friends but because she has her car I haven't met many of them. We have always been really close and family members will comment on how she only needs her mom, this secretly has always made me smile I loved our closeness. She went to uni and hit freshers hard drinking a lot from what I could glean from Facebook and twitter comments. I have been in hospital for a week, a planned day op that had some complications that kept me in, my daughter sent me texts all week and coincidently was coming down that weekend for a football match. I came home from hospital on sat and she had been out with her friends the night before. She didn't bother getting up until 6pm that day and then only to put her head round my bedroom door and say hi. I then didn't see her until she came to say goodbye before she went to play football and then was going straight back To uni. I feel so hurt and my partner is less than supportive seeing me upset that she didn't come and spend anytime with me just gave him the opportunity to moan about her. I think she may take ecstasy when she goes out and this fits in with her sleepin all the next day. Anyway I sent her a rambling email last night telling her how upset I was and my fears re drug taking. She hasn't responded ! Just blocked me on Facebook and twitter. I am devastated. Have I pushed her away ? This is my first ever post, I have never been on this site before but desperately need some help. My background is divorced with 18 yr old daughter and 14 yr old son, they see their dad although my daughter not close to him. Lived with my partner for 11 yrs he has three kids 21, 17, 14 who we see weekly. Had many ups and downs. Sorry to ramble just don't know what to do and no support here.

Spidermama Mon 08-Oct-12 16:29:53

Sorry you're upset. You probably wish you hadn't sent the email. These emotional conversations are always best done face to face. Not what you need though having just been in hospital.

Maybe, in order to re-open channels of communication, you could say 'sorry' then try to chat with her when stuff settles down.

As for the E taking, I'm not sure what other proof you have except for the sleeping patterns. Of course it must be worrying but I think at 18 there's not much you can do apart from perhaps talk to her about the dangers. Have you ever taken drugs for partying? If so it might be time to share your experiences.

Is her Uni work going well as far as you can see? I guess partying is all part of the university experience and people do it in different ways. There's a lot worse than E she could be doing. Maybe talk to her about being careful where she gets it from.

I think you need to have a chat with your partner and let him know you feel unsupported.

First priority though is to apologise for the rambling email and say you didn't want to intrude (she's feeling independent and grown up at uni and doesn't want parental tickings off at 18) to keep channels of communication open.

She may think she doesn't need you but you know better and have to be there for her even if it means biting your tongue and letting her make her own mistakes.

AandAmom Mon 08-Oct-12 16:34:55

Thank you for advice you made me feel much better and put things in perspective, going to get her now, will let you know how it goes

Spidermama Mon 08-Oct-12 18:15:25

Good luck.

AandAmom Mon 08-Oct-12 19:49:15

She has just text me back apologising for her behaviour and told me I have nothing to worry about she is just exhausted. Going to concentrate on getting better and not worry about things I can't control like you said we all make mistakes and have tried things we are not proud of, I need to let her go and find her own path and be there to catch her If she falls. Mums net has literally been my life saver today with your advice and reading previous similar posts x

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