Daughter Started Uni + drinking lots(14 Posts)
I'm guessing this must be "normal" when teens start Uni and are away from home and "free!" My 19 year old daughter seems to be out every night and drinking loads. I'm hoping that once this past couple of weeks (freshers) is out of the way she might get into a routine and stop drinking so much, maybe just at the weekend. I'm concerned for her health, not to mention the amount of money she is getting through!!
Anyone else's kids gone to Uni that can provide me with some of their experience?
Felt this way last year with ds1. It slows down a fair bit after freshers (they all get "freshers flu" which stalls them for a bit aswell!) The high volume of drinking did ease off a lot towards the end of the 1st year when everyone had exams. Doesn't seem quite so bad at beginning of 2nd year - still lots of fun being had though from what I'm told!
When your kids go to university, it's time to let them go, do their own thing and make their own way in the world - just like we had to (university or no).
Your daughter is in Freshers Week and you know what she gets up to every night? That's not healthy anyway to check up on her 24/7
Leave her be, she'll settle down.
My DS is in 2nd year.
How do you know this?
I was out partying every night when I was 19. I like to think my mother had no idea.
Maybe her DD told her...... or she is a friend on Facebook?
Is it really that strange, my DCs often tell me what they are up to because they choose to. OK maybe not every minute detail but generally if they are out or not.
As for the drinking it does seem to tail off for most IME (limited) after Freshers as they start to run out of money. What I found strange was that they went out mid week when they had lectures..... I was told that is because clubs etc are cheaper mid week.
As Part mentioned many are floored by freshers' flu - a combination of lack of sleep, lots of new germs and communal living.
Try not to worry too much they do generally survive!!
Lynette, me and all my mates were too! Back in the day of payphones and a once a week call home
It is a worrying time, because obviously with our older and wiser heads we know that these things can go badly wrong- though you need to remind yourself that thankfully for most students they don't.
Don't think there is much you can do, though, except make it very clear that you will not be bailing her out: if she has to live on white bread and boiled spuds for several months because she blew all the money on booze, that is her problem.
Anyway, as other posters have said: these things tend to settle down after the first few weeks.
It's a miracle my liver wasn't pickled as a result of my time at uni. We drank a lot and yes, often mid week. In retrospect, I shudder. But ... It is "normal".
She's away from home andnow you have to hope that all the life lessons you have taught her will stick.
It (and she) will settle The first week or so is all about the booze..freshers is one long binge fest, but soon the work load starts and the money runs out and they become quite normal again!
Honestly!! In my day we used to joke our grant cheque took a week to drink and I'm still alive (albeit with a glass of wine as I type!)
My DD2 has just had fresher's and OMG the booze she has drunk... (she totted it up and told me!) and 2 years ago DD1 did the same. But I know it's the initiation phase and already she is preparing for tutorials and getting down to some work.
Elder DD1 is a med student..they have some of the worst reps for drinking, but she's now 3rd year and still has her liver.. and while, yes they do like to party at weekends it really isn't a case of send in the AA.
I'd send this link to her, bit of scare-mongering might make her more careful.
Unfortunately it seems normal.
Unis go out of their way to attract students by talking about the great social life. They should really not promote this as one of the virtues of being at university.
My daughter doesn't drink and loathes clubbing and so her first few weeks (and more) at uni were very unhappy and ruined by everyone around her who partied and drank non=stop, coming into the shared flat at 2-3am with crowds of drunk people and carrying on the party until 5-6am. Asking online for advice on this, most people said "put up with it" - which is a bit rubbish, to say the least.
Conversely my son did this and ran out of money very quickly. Now, years later, he regrets doing it. The best you can do is advise and counsel against it, and hope they settle down into their courses and some hard work. And the money runs out sooner or later. Advice on making sure your kids are safe - giving themselves alcohol-free days (or two or three together) and also being safe - getting home drunk from clubs on their own, etc.
Whether you have kids who are into this phase or you have kids who are fed up and tired of other people being in this phase, it's still pretty miserable being the parent and standing by. But with a bit of support, they all come through it in the end.
Unfortunately its very normal.
I am 19 and the majority of my friends have partied non-stop since starting Uni.
I think it usually slows down after the first few weeks of being "freshers", especially when "freshers flu" kicks in.
I would avoid funding the drinking if possible. Having no money quickly ruins the fun
I was like this way back in the 70s - until the end of the first 2 weeks then it was back to reality. DS has just started 2nd year and already saying he doesn't go out every night - partly because of the money & partly because he feels better when he doesn't drink much. He also says it gets a bit boring if you go out every night. It will get better once the work requirements kick in & the money runs out. Until then just tell her to keep safe.
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