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Been reported to Social Services

(94 Posts)
misstrunchball Thu 04-Oct-12 21:45:35

Hi - I hope this is in the right place.

My DD1 15 (16 in December) dances to the extent that she now takes part in a Burlesque class. This class is run by a friend of mine so I have seen the stuff they do and therefore was quite happy for her to join. She wants to be a dancer so, I feel, needs to experience all sorts of dance genres. She also takes another dance class and does disco, rock and roll, latin, tap, ballet and has also qualified for Grand Finals at Guildford in the next couple of weeks. She is also doing a dance GCSE at school (as you can see she has a passion for dancing).

Anyway, today I had a phone call from Social Care who had received an anonymous phone call to say my daughter is taking part in these Burlesque classes and it isn't appropriate for a child of 15 and that she is doing it behind her parents' back.

I told them that I was aware she was taking part as I had to sign a permission slip as she was under 16 and to my mind there was no risk to her by doing so. The social worker was concerned due to the risqué nature of the costumes so I assured her they were no more risqué than what she wears in her other dancing classes (leotard and tights) and shows (last year she was in a babydoll tap dancing to 'does your mama know'!!)

I feel, unfortunately, that it is not my daughter they are concerned about but have a vendetta against the lady who runs the classes (I did tell her this) but am worried that as it has been brought to the attention of Social Care that I will receive further phone calls in future.

Is there anybody out there who has knowledge of how these people work (stupid question I know!!) and should I be concerned for the future. I did tell her that she would be 16 in 3 months time and could quite easily have gone behind my back but didn't......

AnyFucker Sun 07-Oct-12 20:40:06

that is a good call, OP

did SS make contact, or are you still waiting to hear from them ?

cory Sun 07-Oct-12 20:03:33

If your dd wants to be a dancer, misstrunchball, it is not too soon to start looking into where she might go after college and what professional dancing schools are actually looking for in a student.

thatlldopigthatlldo Sun 07-Oct-12 19:26:42

You sound like a good mum to me. Talk it over with her. But it's not stripping, its dance, and a bit of fun imho.

misstrunchball Sun 07-Oct-12 19:18:06

Thank you for all your replies - they did make interesting

I have thought long and hard about this and I have asked her to give it up until she reaches the age of 16. If she still wants to carry on with the classes then I will give her my blessing. She would also be allowed to perform but I think I will insist that she should be older (maybe 18).

Lets hope this is an end to any involvement from ss.

needanswers Fri 05-Oct-12 19:16:20

Thanks AF, but I am not hopefully, this will be another case where the abuser walks away free and leaves a family and child destroyed in his wake, perhaps until his next victim makes a report).

Lovecat Fri 05-Oct-12 12:33:31

Like Cory, I'd be amazed if any serious dance or drama school would be impressed by seeing 'burlesque dancing' on a 15 yr old's CV. It's no doubt very skillful when done properly (imho it's middle-class stripping but I can see that the comedy/parody element of it has some degree of training required) but it's not the sort of thing that any serious performing arts institution would be looking for and NOT at that age.

And as for tapdancing in a babydoll nightie to 'Does Your Mother Know'.... OP, really? REALLY? FFS, I've just been reading the Jimmy Savile thread and coming to this from that just makes me want to weep....

zippey Fri 05-Oct-12 10:11:46

Theres a sexual element to most kinds of dancing when you think about it eg salsa, hip hop, lambada etc

I think if the mum has seen what happens and she approves then its the parents decision. OP seems like a capable parent.

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Fri 05-Oct-12 10:08:33

I saw one girl do a brilliant Burlesque strip...she wore nothing but Pitta Bread and said she was "Pitta Pan" ...sounds bizarre and it was! But so funny. She had a little pitta bread hat on with a sprig of parsley popping out...and a skirt of pitta bread...tiny....she was amazing!

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Fri 05-Oct-12 10:06:43

I've seen is sexual...though it's also very funny if the artist is skilled. It's been morphed and warped though by the so-called Burlesque classes which have sprung up all over the place and whose teachers are not very skilled.

Done well it's brilliant...but it IS sexual.

zippey Fri 05-Oct-12 10:01:24

I think people may have the wrong idea of what burlesque is - it is far removed from stripping. I will refer you to a source on the tinternet which says it is a "literary, dramatic or musical work intended to cause laughter by caricaturing the manner or spirit of serious works, or by ludicrous treatment of their subjects". (Wikipedia)

I will accept I am wrong about under life models (under 16) though!

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts Fri 05-Oct-12 10:00:02

True helpyourself it's like comparing this

To this

Helpyourself Fri 05-Oct-12 09:51:52

Dance is an art form Burlesque dancing is nearer to stripping in it's aims than dancing.

An under 16 year old would not be allowed to be a life model.

zippey Fri 05-Oct-12 09:20:04

Hi helpyourself - Dance really is an art form, wether its clean or dirty dancing. Would you say the same about a nude painting, or if the daughter/son was being a life model?

Im sure the Taliban would also argue that women displaying skin teases men into getting a stiffie.

Helpyourself Fri 05-Oct-12 09:11:42

ZippeyReminds me a little of the Arab countries banning women from sport or from going outdoors in case they sexualise themselves by wearing too little.

Yeah. We're the Taliban for pointing out that an activity designed to tease men into getting a stiffie is inappropriate for an under 16 YO.

TantrumsAndBalloons Fri 05-Oct-12 09:09:20

I don't think it's likely someone has a personal vendetta against this dance teacher, do you think it may be the person who reported this has a particular issue with 15 year old girls being taught this type of dance, rather than a personal issue with the teacher?

I think you have to consider the reason SS are involved is that they feel this particular type of dancing is inappropriate for under 16s. Not because of what they wear but because of the nature of the dance.
Therefore, yes you should be concerned.
They may not take it any further but I would be thinking why they felt the need to get involved in the first place.

You can tell yourself it is due to a personal vendetta if they makes you feel better about the choices you have made, but I think you need to consider that there may be other reasons, such as the inappropriateness of this particular activity.

whogivesaduck1 Fri 05-Oct-12 08:51:30

geez! the op asks for opinions, so she got opinions! no one has to agree with anyone else!!

cory Fri 05-Oct-12 08:31:07

Otoh I find it very unlikely that SS will want to get involved: as others have said, they are very overworked.

Otoh I find it equally unlikely that a genuine dancing career would be advanced in any way by having "Burlesque classes at 15" on her CV; to my mind, that would just make her look a bit needy and lack-of-judgmenty, which won't be what the dancing schools are looking for.

I think those of us who are potentially preparing children for the stage have a responsibility to teach them that they don't have to do anything for their dreams. Unless she is preparing to fund her dancing school by working in night clubs I don't think burlesque is going to help her in any way.

zippey Fri 05-Oct-12 08:27:10

To OP - I would have no problems either if my daughter was a serious dancer and doing burleqsqe at 15, or ballet for that matter even though I dont like ballet.

You can probably tell by the replies that most people on MM think its innapropriate, so its probably understandable that someone called SS. If I were you I would keep an open line of communication with SS but really I dont think you have anything to fear. Id be more concerned for your friend.

Its a bit depressing to see all the judgemental opions on here regarding dancing. There are lots of different forms of dance and many boys and girls love taking part in it. Reminds me a little of the Arab countries banning women from sport or from going outdoors in case they sexualise themselves by wearing too little. If you have witnessed the dancing and you think its fine, I would have no qualms about adhering to your judgement.

AnyFucker Fri 05-Oct-12 07:35:45

NA I went to bed before your last reply to me, so didn't want you to think I was simply ignoring it. I have read it, and hope you get a decent outcome.

tittytittyhanghang Fri 05-Oct-12 07:30:38

AF, the op's daughter and megan are uncomaprable. One assumes that Megan has been subject to a long period of grooming, whereas i assume that this is not the case with the Op's daughter.

Ahem. Waves hand.

My DD was 15, IN FOSTER CARE and allowed to go to these shows as a visitor with her friend, a boy from her school.
His father ran the shows and asked DD if she would be interested in dancing, and gave her a few outfits to try on.

No one from SS raised so much as an eyebrow

So yes, they are PANTS as a whole organisation because NA can not possibly be in the same area as me and she has suffered the same, not only would i tar them with the same brush i would also feather the arseholes..

OP you have nowt to worry about.

DameKewcumber Fri 05-Oct-12 00:35:58

"how concerned should I be that Social Care have got my DD1 and I involved just cos someone has a vendetta towards the dance teacher" - social care haven't got your DD1 and you involved in anything! You allowed your DD to perform in a dance more suitable for sexually active adults when she is underage and someone reported that. There is enough in those bare facts for SS to be concerned about regardless of whether the report was made to get the teacher into trouble (and what was she thinking, allowing an underage child perform burlesque knowing there has been a vendetta against her for years - her judgement doesn't sound good).

Most likely SS will investigate tell you its probably not the best idea and leave it at that and if its reported again will say its been investigated and ignore it.

I do think you sound very naive if your DD has convinced you she needs Burlesque lessons so she can experience all kinds of dance. I doubt many professional dancers boasted a burlesque section on their cv at 15!

margerykemp Fri 05-Oct-12 00:23:51

So she turns 16 in a couple of months?

What are you buying her? A boob job?

needanswers Fri 05-Oct-12 00:16:57

sorry OP - got a bit carried away on your thread!

needanswers Fri 05-Oct-12 00:14:23

AF it would probably help if the "senior SW* they had sent to my house, had come from a CP background, as opposed to the one they did send, who had to have a number of basic things explained to her as she didnt have a clue (and I only knew because the OIC had explained as it took SW a month to get around to coming to visit - and then it was only so she could "close the file" her words on the phone).

I am assume she was an agency worker, with a background in something other than CP.

I am eagerly awaiting their next visit, which I am sure is fairly imminent, as I am aware the abuser has been busy spreading rumours around that indeed, I am a child abuser, and that he was in court as a witness in a trial against me, apparently, the press simply got his name wrong (and age, gender etc, but why let the truth get in the way of a good cover story).

That will make for an interesting visit, and I have absolutely no intention of speaking to them, ever again.

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