Drinking? Unsure?

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

DD is 14 1/2. She has SN's. yesterday for the first time, I let her out after dark, to go to a park for a memorial for her best friend's birthday. I know that this happened, she has photos of all the flowers and gifts left for her friend.

(Her friend died in July from Leukaemia.)

However, DD was 45 minutes late home, and looked like she had been drinking. I have a cold, so couldn't smell anything, so if she had been or not, I couldn't have smelt it on her.

My friend who lives nearby is adamant that everyone had gone home long before the time DD left the park. But I know that she was outside with other teens, I spoke to her on the phone 40 minutes before she left.

However, her eyes looked like she had been drinking, though of course she denied it.

WWYD?

Is it acceptable? I don't like it, but at 14 I was very screwed up, and was drinking and taking drugs, so I don't know what a 'normal' parental response should be.

I can't prove anything, just have my suspicions and gut instinct.

DD hasn't drunk before. At all. So even 1/2 a bottle of WKD or whatever teenagers drink these days would affect her. (Was MD 20/20, brightly coloured fruit flavoured paint stripper in my day...)

I need some perspective on DD possibly having a bit of a drink on what would have been a very difficult day for her, reflecting on her best friend that died's 15th birthday.

WWYD?

[AMumInScotland]

I think I'd try to talk to her about how, now she's getting older, there's a chance of people offering her alcohol, and try to talk about it in a general sense, rather than making it about what happened (or didn't) yesterday.

I think most teens will have a chance to drink, and a lot of them will take it. But the important thing isn't having one drink, it's not drinking so much or so fast that you end up out of control or in risky situations. You can say you'd much rather she doesn't drink at all, and make that message as strong as you like. But even stronger is "don't get legless so you pass out in the park" and "don't drink with people you can't trust".

I don't know how much you'll need to adapt and simplify that because of her SN, but that's about the line I took with DS when he was that age.

[sweetfluffybunnies]

Ditto what amuminscotland said. But one thing struck me about your post, and it is something I see all the time (especially in TV soaps!!) and that is the idea that, if you are having a tough day, having a drink will make you feel better.

I just think that is a dangerous mindset to get into. I am not implying that this is what your daughter did!

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

We don't watch soaps here, I feel they aren 't suitable viewing for under 15's. if they were released on dvd's, I'm sure they would have a 15 rating.

I don't drink more than one glass a month, due to meds so I don't know if she's getting the 'responsible drinking' message from me - she doesn't know how much I used to drink, and I kind of veered from one end of the scale to the other without stopping in between.

I worry that because alcohol isn't something that is routinely 'around' her, she may not understand the effects it can have IYSWIM.

She won't listen to conversations about stuff like this, though I do try...

[SecretSquirrels]

Also agree with AMumInScotland .
I wouldn't be as worried about the drinking as her possibly being out after dark alone, even without SN she would be extremely vulnerable.
Having said that 14 is young to be drinking alcohol (especially in a park).
I have bored the pants off my DSs about the effects of drinking alcohol. DS1 is 16 and has a drink at parties. DS2 is 14 and doesn't like the taste, so far.

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

Ah, now she definitely wasn't alone. She was with 30+ other teenagers. Letting up those blasted sky lanterns with messages written on them for her friend.

It's the one and only time she has been out after dark, as it was a 'special' reason. As I don't intend on allowing this on a frequent basis, I am hoping it doesn't develop.