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Same old same old. Entitled 13yr old dd

(29 Posts)
QOD Mon 01-Oct-12 08:41:17

I just can't handle it anymore. Feel like a failure, this exit on gives me hope that its not all my fault like she thinks.

I can't be bothered right now to type it out, cried myself to sleep last night, on the verge again now but omg

It's just so unutterably hard

Nectar Mon 01-Oct-12 13:08:27

Oh dear what happened?

My teenager is acting a bit 'entitled' at the moment, it's "I want, Can you get me, I need, etc etc", and I don't think a thank you ever comes out of her mouth unless promptedhmm

she's different at school though according to her recent parent's evening,nwhich had to be a good thing! Hope you manage to get your issues sorted.

QOD Mon 01-Oct-12 21:41:32

She wants a iPhone for Xmas, we planned to her her one, she has gone on and on, we NEVER tell her what she's getting for Xmas.
She ranted every couple of days for weeks til I cracked and said she WAS getting one and now she bloody wasn't

Was horrible row

She now has 3 months to try and earn it back .....

SoggySummer Mon 01-Oct-12 21:48:50

My DD is 14 in few weeks. She presented me with her birthday list 3 weeks ago which tbf I did ask for because relatives always call etc and ask.

I read it and it was not just a list but had extra rules and instuctions on it. It just reads so bloody self entitled its awful! One additon instruction being "All gift cards should be a minimum of £25 except the Jack Wills and Hollister ones which obviously need to be alot more"

I asked if he was serious and with a dead pan face she said yes!! I felt embarrassed and slightly ashamed. She never used to be like this. Fingers crossed its a phase. I just keep telling myself everything in parenthood is a phase and its crap for a while but we somehow come out the other side OK eventually.

I have to say the teen years make the baby days seem an absolute breeze.

QOD Mon 01-Oct-12 22:27:05

grin

But it's their RIGHT to have what they want

Everyone else's parents do it/buy it/let them

Sparklingbrook Mon 01-Oct-12 22:33:35

I feel your pain QOD. I have the male version.

All this 'I want/need' and 'you need to do.....' really grates my carrot. It' so frustrating.

3nationsfamily Tue 02-Oct-12 14:33:49

The most powerful tool in parenting is "No". Instilled from a young age, they get used to it!

QOD Tue 02-Oct-12 20:22:53

Bloody pmt should be illegal

Sparklingbrook Tue 02-Oct-12 20:27:37

You don't get that with the male version QOD. <sudden silver lining>

NatashaBee Tue 02-Oct-12 20:28:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flow4 Tue 02-Oct-12 23:20:51

Oh I don't think you need to get into withdrawing/refusing presents altogether... Teenagers already have a strong sense that their parents are sooooo unfair, so why prove them right?!
Laughing long and loud at her list will be much more effective - to the point of falling off your chair if possible... grin

QOD Wed 03-Oct-12 19:47:44

They're so great.

Such a joy

claraschu Wed 10-Oct-12 05:50:30

Save that list, and give it to her when she has a 13 year old of her own.

Hopandaskip Wed 10-Oct-12 06:00:43

Soggysummer, I would be calling DH within earshot and saying "you have to see this!!" and then we might suggest some even more outlandish things to add to the list until she gets the point.

Honey, you forgot.. here let me help
12. Holiday house in Maui
13. Ferrari, but not one of the 'cheap' kind like everyone gets
14. diamond ring, at least 2 carats, preferably pink.

quirrelquarrel Sun 14-Oct-12 08:26:30

She needs a card and a bar of chocolate for her birthday, nothing else! bloody hell!

OhSoVintage Sun 14-Oct-12 12:01:54

I hate the consumer society we are in. I'm really strict about these things with my dd and just tend to laugh it off and tell her to work hard at school so she can afford these things as an adult.

Its mainly peer pressure! All my friends have such and such etc etc.
I'm honest with her and tell her that we cant afford it so its unfair to carry on about things we dont have the money for. Works sometimes and makes her think about things she asks for more carefully but as with everything at the moment depending on what mood shes in! In a self obsessed mood a simple NO chance will do! smile

HappyTurquoise Sun 14-Oct-12 12:16:59

Ok, iPhone for Christmas (if earned). Will it go under the tree? Do you do fill socks too? Perhaps Santa could wrap a few carrots with a note that he could take some lessons from his reindeer on manners, and BTW be nicer to your Mum. Agree you should laminate that list and keep it. (My kids don't ask for much for presents, but they can still be obnoxious. Would be great to have the evidence!)

HappyTurquoise Sun 14-Oct-12 12:18:24

*she could take lessons...

MamaCross Wed 17-Oct-12 09:58:40

Can I join in? My DD handed me her birthday list the other day. It reads like this:

Laptop
iPhone 5
iPod5
iPad
DSLR Camera
Hollister perfume
iTunes Vouchers
Jack Wills Vouchers
Hollister Vouchers
New bedroom windows hmm
Money
iPod cases, must be plastic not rubber.
Harry Potter Studio Tour.

She's getting the studio tour because we booked it months ago, but she has banged on and on about it every day since about April. Things like "if you don't tell me whether I'm going to the Harry Potter thing, it'll be really unfair if we don't because I've really got my hopes up and if I wake up on my birthday and we're not going I'll be devastated" etc.

Also, the first 5 things on her list - if she had any of those, it would be better than what WE'VE got and I don't think a CHILD should have better things than her parents who work bloody hard and are still skint and making do with 'old' stuff.

BiscuitsandBaileys Wed 17-Oct-12 11:08:44

Sorry mamacross but I did laugh at "new bedroom windows" grin
My friend told her son that she had to wait until she was 36 to get an iphone, so why should he have one at 13!

FireOverBabylon Wed 17-Oct-12 11:39:43

Bloody hell (hides DS (3) under bed in the hope it'll stop him growing up).

Could you get her a voucher for a goat via Oxfam and put the voucher in an iPhone cover.

I'm sure I was never this bad at 13 - is this a new stage for teenagers? I don't think you're a bad parent at all QOD but yeah Gods, we never nagged for stuff like this, and shock at "All gift cards should be a minimum of £25 except the Jack Wills and Hollister ones which obviously need to be alot more". DS would be spending his birthday helping grandad out at the Salvation Army to meet people who had less than him if he even uttered those words.......

flow4 Sun 21-Oct-12 23:32:21

I do like this thread! They're ridiculous, aren't they?! grin
It's my birthday this week... And Christmas is so soon! I'm thinking of writing a list like this and handing it to my DSes tomorrow! wink

Don't feel bad, QOD. It's really not you... It really is hard... But this too will pass smile

ohthedandy Mon 22-Oct-12 09:53:36

It isn't necessarily "money" stuff either - it is the "surprises" you are supposed to deliver! In the month prior to dd's 17th, we suggested she apply for a provisional driving licence - "yeah, tomorrow" or "cba" were the usual responses.

Come the big day she was "totally gutted" that we hadn't organised a driving instructor outside the door for her first lesson!!

chocoluvva Mon 22-Oct-12 10:25:59

OP, are you feeling any better today?
I've had such a good laugh at this thread - it reminded me of my DD asking if we could get an extension to the house for a christmas present!!! I'd forgotten about that (it was the new windows).
My DD had her 16th birthday recently - DH and I asked her to say WITHIN REASON what she would like to do by way of celebration. Apparently, her first choice was to go to Cyprus on holiday!!!!! even though we haven't been able to afford a 'proper' holiday for years.
Next choice was to have a party in the house, which I would have allowed on condition that DH and I were in the house (we promised to hide upstairs) but that was no good unless we went to a neighbours apparently. She then invited lots of her friends to join her for ten-pin bowling and a meal at a restaurant without asking or even telling DH or me until a friend's mum phoned me to ask about transport arrangements and when I asked DD to let me see the invitation to her friends that she'd made on facebook, I noticed she had begun it with, "As I am not allowed to have a party...."!!!!
In her defence, she knew someone who went to Malta (with her boyfriend for her 20th birthday) - very rich family, and DD's BF was going to have a party in his house for his 18th birthday without his mum being there - though she was going to be next door and his sis and her BF who are both 20 were going to be there.
I think the OP who mentioned peer pressure has hit the nail on the head.
Also, your DD probably has no real idea of the worth of money.
Hope this thread has cheered you up.
Please don't be offended, but could I suggest you take a supplement to help with the PMT - magnesium, Bvits and starflower oil for three months probably would help...... I know you didn't ask for that advice, but it really should help. A bit...
I do apologise if you feel patronised or you're already taking something.

HSMM Mon 22-Oct-12 22:42:24

My 13yr old DD read this and said all your DDs sound perfectly normal grin

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