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Advice re 13 yr old daughter

(9 Posts)
wirral Sun 30-Sep-12 22:06:12

It's been a long time since I've sought advice but I wonder if anyone has any words of wisdom

I am divorced and our daughter goes, reasonably half the time between mine and her Dad's house. As he works shifts there is no regular routine.

Daughter has an ipad which Exh girlfriend brought her back from Hong Kong. Last week I realised that daughter was using ipad after going to bed (10pm). I spoke with exH and was told that he insisted that she left ipad downstairs when going to bed.

I attempted to start this routine in my house and it was a disaster. Daugther barricaded herself in her bedroom with ipad and refused to come out. I forced my way into her room and wrenched ipad from her. She then proceeded to hit, kick and throw things at me. She phoned her Dad and told him that I'd hit her and that she was going to call the police.

I hid ipad and waited calmly in my bedroom for the police to come but she didn't phone them. The next day she got ready for school and then phoned me to apologise. She also phoned her Dad saying that she wanted to report me to the police for hitting her.

Exh brought her round to my house over the weekend and she refused to speak to me or countenance coming back to my house implying that she was scared of me!

She has since realised that if she doesn't see me that she will miss a family party as I won't take her. Her texts today have been lovely as normal and looking forwad to seeing me and tellng me how much she loves me.

It's a disaster! What do I do? Ignore and get on with life? Talk to her? Don't take her to party? I know I'm being held to ransom. Whenver I discipline her she will threaten to call the police!

RandomMess Sun 30-Sep-12 22:11:54

Urgh I have been through something similar only my ex took dds word for it hook, line and sinker.

This too shall pass...

cybbo Sun 30-Sep-12 22:15:12

You can discipline without forcing your way into her room and snatching it off her (she shouldn't have been violent either)

Try to come to some kind of compromise with her about it. Maybe later at the weekends but 10 during the week.

wirral Sun 30-Sep-12 22:20:45

Hmm Ex just said he had no idea who to believe

Yes, I think with hindsight Cyboo I should have done something else. But what?? And yes, compromise would be good and your suggestion is exactly what I said we would do however she was unwilling to compromise

cybbo Sun 30-Sep-12 22:26:12

Well it's all happened now but rather than going in like a bull in a china shop, be explicit about what your expectations are upfront eg "I understand the rule at Dads is no iPad after 10 , we'll do that here too"

And she might argue the toss but you just keep repeating the rule " no iPad after 10" without debating the point. If she keeps arguing you could say well if you choose not to leave it downstairs a 10 you'll be choosing not to have it for the next day", so there is a consequence for her choice

I'm always recommending this book but it really does give you strategies to help without teenagers 'get out of my life, but first take me and Alex into town' Amazon do it

And she will come round, if you behave normally around her, she won't have a choice!

wirral Sun 30-Sep-12 22:28:46

Great-thank, will take a look. I would have been able to cope calmly with it but heard her barricading herself into her bedroom with her ipad so knew there was no possibility of her handing it over at stated time.

Difficult to impose sanctions throughout the week as she stays at her Dad's

Whitecherry Sun 30-Sep-12 22:39:37

Maybe turn the wi fi off? That's what I do if they are on gadgets for too long!

thixotropic Sun 30-Sep-12 22:43:34

Whitecherry - I was about to suggest that, iPad is pretty limited without 'tinternet

sashh Mon 01-Oct-12 04:47:13

I think the ipad should be left at dad's.

Everything else just carry on as usual.

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