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moral dilemma over cigarettes- what would you do?

(8 Posts)
didntthinkitwouldbelikethis Thu 27-Sep-12 00:48:27

First -time post long time lurker- gaining support from others with wayward teenagers. DD is 16 and been attending CAHMs for 1 year plus with mental health issues- anxiety, depression, a bit of oppositional defiant disorder - ie swearing at parents and bad behavour! non-school attendance, self- harming and not eating.. A horrible year. She has attended counselling but is no better and has recently been escalated to tier 4 and offered a place at the day programme.
The self-harming has got worse and two weeks ago we were in A & E twice, the last time for 5 stitches. Last week I found her in our bathroom ( third time) at 1am, with ?25 cuts on her arm, dripping blood. All superficial but very very distressing. When i asked how i could help her she said, buy me cigarettes. I was so distressed I did, the next day.
She now wants me to buy them again. CLEARLY, the right answer is to NOT buy them. BUT, would it be worth it for the greater good? If she is less cranky she may attend the day programme. She started on monday, went for two days and missed today- said she couldn't bear to go. Also, if less cranky family life may be more bearable- its all horrible just now?
What would you do?

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 07:37:59

I wouldn't - I can't see how it will help other than a short fix. Can you discuss it with the counsellor?

chole1 Thu 27-Sep-12 07:55:07

I do agree with exoticfruits speak to the counsellor or someone at the day programme.

If you do buy them and then stop then it could become blackmail thing, i.e, i'll go if you buy me cigarettes, plus you dont want your DD to use that method with you to get other things.
Hard situation to be in especially with everything else.
Hope that helps

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 07:56:48

She is manipulating you- I think that you need advice from a trained person.

PropositionJoe Thu 27-Sep-12 08:02:12

You are just putting off the current problem by creating a problem for the future. As others have said, get advice. I don't think I would do it, but then I'm not in your position. Sympathies.

justbreathe Thu 27-Sep-12 12:02:52

You could buy her some herbal tobacco or cigarettes. I stopped smoking using it. it actually tastes ok and satisfies the craving to smoke but is nicotine free. That way she will see that you are listening to her needs but at the same time not condoning her cigarette use. Good luck

didntthinkitwouldbelikethis Thu 27-Sep-12 17:17:13

Thank you for the replies- they have been very helpful and brough me to my senses!! Of course the right thing is NOT to buy cigarettes for my DD. She is an unhappy girl who is a skilled manipulator, and I am exhausted by events, as well as distressed by the sight of her arms. However, I will stand firm - as has been said I am creating far more problems for myself in the future if it is anything other than a one-off. Wish me luck!!

exoticfruits Thu 27-Sep-12 17:38:51

I do wish you luck. Have you got anyone to support you?

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