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is it crazy to need to cajole, nag and remind 16 yr old to do homework...

(11 Posts)
justbreathe Sun 23-Sep-12 20:53:09

My 16ds has always been told by school that he's bright but that he needs to apply himself more. He has always managed to get away with doing very little work, and winging it because he's inately clever.
This sept. he has started his bacalaureat and will need to apply himself. I can't face another 2 years of homework stress but fear if i'm not there pulling him through he will not manage. He's disaorganised and doesn't seem to care. He is nearly 17 and rightly argues that I should just leave him alone ... but if I do his grades are bad and his homework isn't done ( I'm not talking about lots of work here, just the bare minimum to get by) He tells me he realises without his bacalaureat his future options will be limmited. Do I just let go .. or do I continue to be on his back in order to support him getting his grades ??

AMumInScotland Sun 23-Sep-12 21:04:14

How about trying a few months of letting him get on with it so that he can see the results and conclude for himself that he needs to get his act together. Better now than in a year's time, or worse still at college or uni.

deleted203 Mon 24-Sep-12 01:55:29

I would leave him, TBH. He will not wing it through by being clever any longer, unfortunately. I would leave him til Jan and see what his results are - and then point out to him that the school will not take him back next year if he does not get the required grades. He needs to start developing some self discipline. You could also try telling him that you and DH are only prepared to keep him in education as long as he is pulling his weight and working. We told my DS1 halfway into Y12 'If your grades have not improved by the summer we will pull you out of school and your dad will give you a job working for him'. He was horrified. Up at 5.30am and labouring on a building site??? He kept bleating, 'But I'm clever. Don't you want me to finish A Levels?' I told him he didn't appear to be clever enough to appreciate that either he got his arse in gear and got the results he was capable of or else he would find himself working 12 hour days on minimum wage. Sobered him up a little grin

justbreathe Mon 24-Sep-12 06:50:17

sowornout... we have already done that ! We pulled him out of school at 16 and he worked for a builder for 4 months for shit pay and that encouraged him to repeat the year so that he would be accepted into premier to do his bac.

He's just more interested in hanging out with his mates , smoking dope and not thinking beyond the present moment. I actually think he's a bit depressed and know that if he could only keep it together he would love to go to university and get out into the world. His prospects if he fails are not good as we live in a rural backwater where there's serious unemployment.

That said he's nearly 17 and needs to start taking responsibilty for his own future . He is deeply in the hormonal f*cked up no point in anything / world will end soon.... teen phase of his life. at what point does a mother let go and let their child mess up?

cybbo Mon 24-Sep-12 07:05:47

Can you speak to his school . My daughters school staged an intervention programme for students like your son who could do more but couldn't be arsed. It was only when my daughters teachers called her up on her lck of effort compared to ability that she realsed she was only harming herself.

At home I would say to him you're not going to nag him anymore, but expect him to be responsible enough to keep his studies up to standard. I know how frustrating it is!

Cadmum Mon 24-Sep-12 07:08:24

Please don't give up on him. Is he really smoking dope? He sounds like my brother who is now nearly 40 and just out of rehab:-( My parents just seemed to give up precisely when he needed to be pushed.

I rarely give advice like this but my heart is screaming deal with the dope smoking because it is a huge factor... It makes people feel uninspired and complacent.

ajandjjmum Mon 24-Sep-12 07:08:49

Could it be that the smoking is having a detrimental effect on his mental health?
Feel for you - logically you should let him start taking responsibility for himself, but I know that I'd struggle to in your position.

justbreathe Mon 24-Sep-12 12:50:57

I know smoking dope is disastrous for teens. How can we control what they do when they are out and about ?
I don't give him money unless I know what its for. We have talked together about the negative consequences, looked at videos detailing the negatives , Talked about people we know who have wasted their lives with unfulfilled potential by habitually smoking dope....
He says I am just a crazy paranoid ! I can't bear to see him come in stoned.... I can tell because ironically he's much more pleasant stoned than not , though completely unable to focus. organise and plan ahead.

milktraylady Mon 24-Sep-12 14:02:06

Ground him- no way should he be smoking dope do young. It will permanently affect his brain & motivation levels.

Kick up the arse from school is needed & mega support from parents is a given.

Good luck, please don't give up on him.
My uncle was like this- did so much dope, given up on- he was schizophrenic & went loop the loop. Tragic.

smellsabit Mon 24-Sep-12 23:41:54

have you got my son ?
avidly looking bt this thread for wisdom!

deleted203 Tue 25-Sep-12 00:18:08

Oh golly...really feel for you. I don't think I've got any wise words to impart - just sympathy. Would agree with all those that say the dope smoking (or rather stopping it) is probably the key. Smoking dope makes you apathetic and idle and it is far easy to just get stoned and drift, man......rather than getting down to some actual work. I honestly can't think of anything to suggest other than perhaps sitting him down and saying candidly, 'Look, is there any bloody point you being back at school if you're not going to do the work? Because you've already realised that working for shit pay isn't much fun, and you've repeated the year to give yourself this opportunity, and yet you're arsing about again. Can you sit down with me and work out what your plan is for homework/studying, etc?' Best of luck smile

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