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Do you all encourage your teenage daughters to be confident without makeup?

(19 Posts)
DeathByChocolate01 Sat 08-Sep-12 14:39:00

Just thinking about this after reading the mums of teenagers Q&A thread and seeing lots of posts along the lines of "how can I convince my daughter she doesn't need to spend four hours a day on her makeup?". It struck me how different that attitude is from what my mum used to say to me. Around the time I reached secondary school, she started to (and still does) encourage me to wear makeup in most situations, often pointing out that she started wearing it every day when she was 13, and that I would be silly not to bother with it when it would make such an improvement to my appearance. Her favourite line was "you've got to make an effort - take some pride in your appearance!" and when I resisted I'd be told I was being lazy. I'd like to point out that she wasn't trying to convince me to have basic standards of personal care - I always showered, brushed my teeth and hair, wore clean clothes etc - it was just about makeup.

Did any other mums say this kind of thing to their children? Do you think it could have been harmful? I've struggled since the age of 14 with MH problems, and I really don't think my mum's "you need to slap on some makeup to look acceptable" message helped my self esteem at all. If it's relevant, I still don't wear makeup very often - I went through a brief phase of wearing it every day when I was 15/16, but now I never wear it in the daytime and just put it on for things like evenings out, an arrangement I'm quite comfortable with.

WinklyFriedChicken Sat 08-Sep-12 14:44:30

My mum was the same as yours, 'oh put a bit of lipstick on', 'nature can always do with a helping hand', but she was pretty critical of my weight as well although she would never admit it despite me not being remotely fat as a teenager. Dreadful for my self esteem, although I tend towards very hard on myself as it is.

Funnylittleturkishdelight Sun 09-Sep-12 07:10:38

My mum never encouraged make up but did critique my weight/size/shape regularly, enforcing the idea that slimmer is better and I should stay one weight and never gain- gaining is failing.

Oh yes, I have an eating disorder. No surprise.

No teenage DC yet, but when I do- weight and looks will not be linked to success.

bossboggle Sun 09-Sep-12 08:41:30

Got two DD's - neither of them wear make up and never have and guess what I didn't either and still don't and I'm middle aged!! Accept them for who they are!! I didn't wear any make up on my wedding day either and my hubby couldn't have cared less - I've been married for 26 years too!! My mum never wore make up either and always told me that I was fine as I was and that is the message I pass on to my DD's!!

ivykaty44 Sun 09-Sep-12 14:02:45

I am shocked, I was never ever encouraged to wear make-up and certainly don't encourage my dd's to wear make-up.

We all do wear make-up but all go naked to and feel happy about it, dd2 does a lot of sport and so can't wear make-up without the prospect of ending up with silly panda eyes!

MrsRobertDuvallHasRosacea Sun 09-Sep-12 14:18:11

My mum was born in 1921 and I was born when she was 40.
She always wore makeup.....max factor Tempting Touch foundation, powder, Bourjois rouge in a litthe cardboard pot, blue eyeshadow, mascara and lipstick.

Can't remember her commenting particularly about me wearing it, only once when I had very shiny lio gloss on. Said I lloked as if I'd been eating a chicken leg.

Dd is 16 and wears very little compared to many her age. Tinted moisteriser and mascara, sometimes lipstick if she's going out.
I have always encouraged her to look after her skin- she has regular facials and is religious about cleansing her skin.

But so am I . I always wear light makeup.

BackforGood Sat 15-Sep-12 19:47:10

Like IvyKaty44 - I was never encouraged, and certainly wouldn't encourage my dds. I think a lot of work on confidence and self belief starts from when they are little though. I've always encouraged mine to be proud of what they do and be confident enough to do what they enjoy / want to, even if it's not something that might be considered 'cool' by some chunks of society. I think that transends through to stuff like make up and choice of clothes... it's about being comfortable with who you are.

deleted203 Sat 22-Sep-12 02:15:29

Well I would if they would ever listen to me, lol. I hardly ever bother with makeup - I just can't be arsed to waste the time slapping stuff on. Even for a fancy do, it'll probably take me a max of about 5 minutes. My DDs on the other hand would not be seen dead without it on. I think it's really sad that they seem to be channelling their inner 'Jordan'. At least they don't go for the hair extensions and the fake tan (although both have long hair anyway), but to me they look like half of TOWIE or one of those other daft reality things. Why would you want to look plastered in makeup? I mean, false eyelashes and thick eyeliner in the daytime? Please!

KillerRack Sat 22-Sep-12 12:28:05

My mum wore little make up and I wore/wear loads its just personal preference.
I like the 'pot doll' look and I'm not ashamed. grin

I had a lot of spots and as I got bullied a lot for it so I plastered concealer on, and my mum was like 'get the crap off your face then!' and she was right but I was quite scarred facially too, I don't wear anywhere near as much make up now have better skin but I still 'pile it on'. some people just like a lot of make up that's no bad thing grin.

cory Sat 22-Sep-12 21:21:36

I never wear make-up, dd likes to wear it. Not a confidence issue for either of us, I don't think, just different taste. Don't think I've ever encouraged her either way: to me, this is one of those manythings in life where there is more than one right way.

KillerRack Sun 23-Sep-12 08:38:19

I agree cory.

higgle Sun 23-Sep-12 14:08:43

My nmother encouraged me to wear make up from about age 14, now I'm 56 aned I have much better skin and less wrinkles than those of my school friends who went bare faced, think it kept the sun off but I'm so pleased I did as I was told!

usualsuspect3 Sun 23-Sep-12 14:14:43

I've never encouraged my 2 DDs to wear make up, one wears it all the time the other has never worn any.

They feel confident doing what pleases them.

Mrsjay Sun 23-Sep-12 14:42:49

I never encouraged make up It just something that developed dd1 just wears it going out she is nearly 20 and dd2 wears a little eyemake up and never foundation for school I think they are ok I wouldn't ban it but never really encouraged it, DD2 wears some facepowder sometimes,

Mrsjay Sun 23-Sep-12 14:44:07

Facepowder makes me sound ancient , Its a powder foundation thingy grin

TheOneAndOnlyMaryZed Sun 23-Sep-12 22:22:07

dd wears very little makeup (she is 16) and none at all to school. All her friends do, some wear a lot. I don't mind the make-up as such, it's the time wasted if girls feel they can't go out without it.

dd has clear skin and dark eyelashes and eyebrows, so really doesn't need to wear any. In fact a lot of people think she is wearing eye make-up when she isn't. She spends the time saved on straightening her hair hmm.

I always talk to her and her friends from the point of view of "don't wear too much every day, so that when you dress up you can wow everyone". Banning isn't a viable option - they will just put in on in the school toilet.

purplehouse Sun 23-Sep-12 22:27:00

I will encourage my dd to go out with no makeup very often when she is older. I don't wear makeup at all, my mum wore lots when I was a child. My mum didn't mind whether I wore it or not. I cannot stand it when girls feel they cannot go out without some makeup on. It's so sad.

sweetfluffybunnies Mon 24-Sep-12 09:02:16

My 14 year old dd told me she was very proud of herself the other day for not wearing any make up to school. She has had huge self-esteem/confidence issues over the last year and is still having conselling for this.

For myself, I wear a little make up every day, but dd is free to choose whether to wear it or not - it's not a big issue for me. It clearly is for her though, and I'm proud that she felt able to have the strength to not wear make up and not worry about what others thought.

Although, funnily, when she mentioned it to one of her friends at school, the friend said she hadn't even noticed dd wasn't wearing anygrin

Startailoforangeandgold Mon 24-Sep-12 09:50:02

Make up was strictly against the rules, you were made to wash it off by the senior mistress.

My DSIS was very fair and looked much better with a flick of mascara. She simply took to wearing it at night so her eyelashes got dyed darker over time.

Mum only wore the lightest smudge of eyeshadow and lipstick, but general did do it everyday.

Never mentioned make up to us except to tell us if we'd made a mess of our going out efforts and needed to tidy them up.

Me, I can't be arsed except when going somewhere special. Likewise my 11 and 14 yo DDs put bits on to go out, but not for school.

This is just another thing that DD1 gets teased forsad
She declines to break the rules and has no wish to be mistaken for an orange panda and every wish for sleep in a morning.

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