Q&A for parents of teenage girls - ANSWERS BACK

[RachelMumsnet]

Are you concerned about your teenage daughter's diet? Are you worried about her self-esteem? Does your teen have skin-care issues? Do you wince at her choice of clothes/heavy eyeliner? Alice Hart-Davis is on hand this week to answer questions from parents of teenage daughters.

Alice is an award-winning beauty journalist and writer. Her latest book, 100 Ways for Every Girl to Look and Feel Fantastic was co-written with her daughter, Beth Hindhaugh and offers friendly and detailed advice on everything from hair, skin, makeup, exercise along with easy to follow instructions and photos. Send your questions to Alice before end of day on Wednesday 12 September and we'll link to Alice's answers from this thread by the end of the month.

[chocoluvva]

Do you have any tips for quicker grooming in the morning for my 15 YO daughter?
She showers, washes and conditions her long hair, blow dries it (fairly quickly), applies approximately one ton of mascara, concealer and hand cream every morning.
Thankyou.

[doinmummy]

My DD14 has stretch marks on her thighs, she hates them. She wants laser type treatment or skin dermabrasion. Will this help?

[moments]

What advice would you give to a mother who is advising her daughter to accept she doesn't need make-up and isn't a sex object (let's face it all youngsters are beautiful regardless of genes) whilst guiding her on how to use make up effectively and that as a woman she does have sexual choices and control and doesn't need to make herself into a sex object to be desirable to the "right" sort of boy?

[gettingeasier]

I would like advice on how to get my 13yo to see appearance in some kind of perspective

A huge row ensued last night because she wasnt allowed to shoot off round to her Dads some 30 minutes walk away at 9pm to get a hairbrush

[Doilooklikeatourist]

DD (15) would rather do her hair and make up than have breakfast . She might have a mouthful of squash , but that is all . Is this normal ?

She won't eat veg ( except jolly green giant sweetcorn , some broccoli or cauliflower cheese ) is she just spoilt , or are all girls like this ?

Her bedroom is so untidy that I refuse to go in it , again are they all like this ?

[ohcluttergotme]

My dd (13) is obsessed with foundation & mascara. All the girls in her year are the same and all have a uniformed look, wish the school would ban it until at least 3rd year. I have always brought my daughter to think its what is on the inside & that she is beautiful. But she doesn't feel beautiful without her make-up, I feel I've failed her in some way. Sure she's just trying to fit in but hard to see her seeming so insecure

[ProudNeathGirl]

how do you get them to talk to you without simultaneously chatting to someone else on Twitter or Facebook?

[MrsPnut]

DoIlook - I have a 15 year old girl too. It is completely normal, all of it. Mine rushes through the house one minute before she has to leave for school cramming things into her bag and blaming us for everything since the second world war but with perfect hair and make up. I've started buying belvita breakfast biscuits for her to eat on the bus instead of trying to get her to eat breakfast.

Teenagers are programmed to be dreadful so when they leave home, instead of hanging onto their leg crying and begging them to stay, you shut the door behind them and breathe a huge sigh of relief.

[moomoo1967]

My 12 year old DD has just started getting spots on her forehead, we cleanse her skin and use an overnight spot treatment but the problem is that she has started "picking" the spots even when they are scabbed over and therefore they are not healing.
We have also tried put savlon or moisturiser on them but they are starting to look a mess and I am worried about scarring.

[moomoo1967]

Turn the router or WiFI off so you can talk to them then it miraculously gets a "signal" again once you have finished

[ProudNeathGirl]

Duh! you don't need wifi - they can do it over the phone network.

[doinmummy]

Belvita biscuits for breakfast works for us too Mrs Pnut.

Teenagers are horrible with bursts of absolute delightfulness.

I have been through some awful times with my DD but she is getting better.

Try not to stress the small stuff. Untidy bedrooms are not important- shut the door and ignore. I do pluck up courage and go in just to retrieve plates,mugs,apple cores etc. I sometimes comment on the fact that it's a tip and health hazzard but DD says she likes it like that ! She lets it get to a point and then she'll tidy up (she can actually tidy better than me).

I try to use humour as much as possible and i have reigned in with the nagging about homework,which has made for a much more harmonious house.

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

How do I reassure my 14yo DD that her legs aren't 'ugly'? She is perfectly happy with the rest of her body, doesn't give a crap about dieting or using fashion as a way to fit in, but she has always (even at 5yo, and it's getting worse) hated her legs.

Which are lovely, long and normal, but she complains that her knees are too knobbly (!) and she is covered in bruises. Which is mostly because she constantly play fights with her mates and climbs trees, but there you go.

It actually affects her quite badly, to the point where she never wears a skirt, and will wear shorts only under duress when it is meltingly hot.

I can't see anything 'wrong' with her legs - so how can I reassure her?

[CouthyMowWearingOrange]

Moomoo - have you tried Freederm? I have found it works wonders on DD's spots.

[QOD]

My 13 yr old dd won't pick spots, not even when they're oozing yellow slime ... It's utterly gross and ends up in a massive row every now and then.
She also won't allow squeezing of black heads, please confirm its ok to pick juicy spots and that you Should get blackheads out!

[moomoo1967]

Thanks for the tip re freederm

[Roseformeplease]

What do you do when your daughter is clearly a little overweight? Do you confront it with her, ignore it or try to be subtle?

[kweggie]

QOD, go straight to the shops and buy
a) some medicated face wash for dd
b) a pair of oven gloves for yourself.........I can tell you are really dying to do a bit of industrial-scale de-zitting! Hold back!

[Elephantscanwearorangeandgold]

My dd (13) has acne. So bad its on her back,chest,arms,face and neck. Drs prescibed antibiotics too no effect. Are there treatments that we can try? She has scars on her forehead, would biooil work to lessen the appearance?

[QOD]

Kweggie lol! She has clearasil pads and will do a light hearted poke everynow and then. Luckily she gets the odd spot and blackhead, I think I'd have a break down if she was really spotty.

[MadameCastafiore]

If I hear the words 'I don't know' or 'Whatever' again I may kill her!!

No really - DD swans about either in a different world or in a cloud of noncialance (SP?, is this normal - it's almost like she isn't with us and getting conversation out of her is well, pointless. I am sure she is happy, why can;t she just show it or join in or be interested in anything.

[aloiseb]

I think all of this sounds perfectly normal. DD is nearly 17 and still has many moments of pure illogic - ie blaming us for anything from her missing phone headphones to the Boer War, and in particular her "short, fat" genes (thanks!) - but they are getting fewer now, thank goodness.

I can even see moments when she is beginning to show the benefits of her careful training in not buying cheap rubbish, saving up some of her allowance for something important, etc.

My worry is that I hope it doesn't mean she's given up railing against the world and is lapsing into depression and early middle-aged hood instead.

[Doilooklikeatourist]

Thanks mrsPnut Nice to know its normal .
< adds Belvita breakfast biscuits to shopping list >

[barbarianoftheuniverse]

Money- how to manage it. DD(!5 nearly 16) has a little job £14 per week. How much more does she need? She is a bottomless pit as regards spending- she cannot walk past a shop and refuses to save- which she says is me being controlling. We have just had 2 days misery and drama over a tee shirt we will not buy (£28 and she has loads- the last from a couple of weeks ago is in the rubble on her floor). And she demands Superdry- Jack-sell-a-kidney-Wills etc. Last night she grabbed a cheque for £100 off me, slung back a new notepad, and stormed off to extra French (her idea) and I told her she was a selfish, spoilt brat.
Three years ago she was the kindest, happiest , most generous and ungreedy person I had ever known.
Please help.

[MrsPnut]

Elephants - Roaccutane works really well but has to be prescribed by a dermatologist. Try asking your GP for a referral, I know how awful acne can be for a teenager.

Barbarian - it's horrible isn't it. My daughter never has enough of anything. I spend a fortune on clothes for her as does my mum and it still doesn't satisfy her. If I buy her younger sister anything then I get accused of "liking her more than me" I have spent lots of money on items that then get worn once and discarded or even worse lent to friends and come back absolutely ruined.