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Suicidal 14yo DD

(15 Posts)
DP1965 Sun 19-Aug-12 00:44:13

DD (14) has tried to take her life twice in 3 weeks! No long term damage (thank goodness), hid her feelings well, never had any inclination she was depressed. She has SH in the past. Attending CAHMS now but being having to go through a transfer period (GP in different county to the local hospital she was admitted). Since attending CAHMS it has become apparent she has trust issues and doesnt want anyone to get close to her as she says if she lets anyone close they let her down. We have always had a close relationship (i thought), didnt realise how poorly she was. We didnt know what the future would hold (whether she would be sectioned or taken away from us). She has an older brother who she is very close to - talks to him about everything (apart from contemplating suicide). CAHMS have said she only hears the negative stuff - not hearing the positive at all, in fact - doesnt really listen, so much going on in her head, anctious all the time.. dont know what to do or how to help her???

Buglove Sun 19-Aug-12 00:47:14

Didn't want to read and run. I have no advice I'm afraid I just hope someone with some experience and wise words comes along soon. What a horrible time for you all but now it's come to a head it can be monitored and helped (if that makes sense)

beagreassive Sun 19-Aug-12 09:56:02

Been there. It's shit. Hugs for you and DD.

Brightspark1 Sun 19-Aug-12 10:06:50

I don't know what to say really, except I was in the same position last year. Very little progress made to start with as DD refused to engage with any attempts to help her, and would lash out at us in anger, SH and just withdrew from life. She refused medication. Sitting in the hospital in the middle of the night watching her being treated for her od was terrifying. Her self esteem was zero.
But ( and I hope I'm not tempting fate here) I am slowly seeing the emergence of a stronger happier less angry DD, she is looking forward to starting college. We are beginning to rebuild our relationship and I am allowing myself to hope again, just a little bit. BTW she also has an older brother who she is close to, that helped her when nothing else seemed to.
Good luck, keep posting, I found a lot of advice and support on MN

ImperialBlether Sun 19-Aug-12 10:55:22

I'm so sorry. What an awful situation for all of you. What's happening at the moment? Is she at home? What kind of help is she getting?

I can't imagine how terrifying it is for you and the rest of your family.

DP1965 Sun 19-Aug-12 12:26:37

Thanks for all your support - I have read lots of threads in mn and it has made me realise I am not the only one going through this type of situation, at the time I felt 'what have i done wrong'? Felt so alone (though husband is very supportive with DD & myselft). She is at home with us, not slept well since the 1st od - always going in checking on DD. DD was just going to start 1 to 1 sessions with CAMHS but this has now been delayed until the transfer, I am concerned that DD needs some consistency with the support and fear she will do it again-as the hospital staff were amazing and attentive.
They have said that her moods are irratic and emotions are all over the place (angry, happy, sad, quiet).
DD looks a lot older than 14 - but her mind is at the right age, feel that she is confused over how to deal with situations (older boys, relationships etc). Self esteem is very low, nothing positve to say about herself. I am monitoring her social networking, phone etc (which she has agreed to). We have always had curfews, consequences for actions, ground rules and both children know we always stand by what my husband and I have set, so boundaries have always been there.
Social Services have sent DD a letter offering support if required - but where is our support?
Brightspark1 - good to hear that you are having a positive time atm. We all just have to take it one day at a time.

Brightspark1 Sun 19-Aug-12 21:52:21

You describe everything that went through my mind (and still does) the fear, lack of sleep, the guilt and the anxiety. I also found a complete lack of support available for parents. CAMHS tried once, I was the only one to turn up, so it didn't continue. MN has really been my only source of support, I still find it helps.
You're right though, one day at a time is the only way to cope.

flow4 Sun 19-Aug-12 21:55:37

So sorry to hear this DP. When I have been going thru problems with DS1, I also wondered where my support was... I asked the GP for counselling in the end. There was quite a waiting list, but it has helped to have somewhere to talk about how I'm feeling. Most GPs offer it now... Maybe worth considering?

DP1965 Fri 24-Aug-12 09:17:09

Thanks again for support & advice on MN.

GroupieGirl Fri 24-Aug-12 09:34:55

I was the child in this situation, albeit a little older, and received almost no help and support. You are already doing the right thing by fighting her corner. I could not have told anybody how I was feeling - I simply didn't have the words or the strength, so I would say be patient and kind, but perhaps prepared that she wob't see it. Carry on encouraging her to seek help, and try to stay positive. I'm sure it's hard but try to remember that your daughter cannot see beyond her own pain, she doesn't know it hurts you too.

Again, it sounds like you are doing all the right things for her. Well done.

chocoluvva Fri 24-Aug-12 10:11:49

Oh DP what a nightmare.
It's maybe easier said than done - but specialist nutritional therapy would support your DD. Not from a NHS dietitian - but a private therapist from the 'Institute of Optimum Nutrition' or similar. They would advise on supplements which should have an affect on her anxiety. They really do have an extremely high level of expertise and could tailor things specifically for your daughter's particular needs.
Also - family counselling? Would that allow your DD to communicate with you 'safely' as it were.
I hope she begins to recover very soon.

hazeldog Fri 24-Aug-12 10:19:48

I was the same at 14. If I have any advice it would be avoid "medicalising" what is going on for her. Once a person forms thebelief that they are iIl and gets into the state system its very hard to break that mindset and being "I'll" becomes a way if life. What helped me eventually was travel, exercise and new experiences which made me realise there was more to life than school and the suburbs.
I would also reccomend a book called "the mindful way through depression" I wish I'd read it when I was 14.

DP1965 Thu 30-Aug-12 23:17:25

Thank-you. I understand that she isnt thinking about the people around her who are hurting and know that DD cant make sense of the way she is feeling. Its so hard though to see her going through this and I dont want to say 'things will get easier with time' as she is finding it difficult to get through each 24hrs.
I dont want her on medication or 'labelled' I just want the best way possible for her to get through this and get the support she needs.
Next step - return to school next week - one day at a time ...

DP1965 Wed 26-Sep-12 19:50:34

Just to update all the mn supporters - DD doing well, having regular CAMHS sessions and teachers/school are being really supportive too. Still having more 'down' days than 'up' but we are all getting there - slowly smile

Brightspark1 Wed 26-Sep-12 21:11:10

So pleased to hear. Thanks for posting an update. It often seems two steps forward one step back, but seeing your DD make any sort of progress allows you to hope again. thanks

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