First child off to Uni(101 Posts)
Can anyone tell me how to cope with our first daughter going off to University. Really proud of her achievments etc, want her to go and know she is ready, able to take care of herself, but am dreading it. We have a 15 year old daughter and I feel so sorry for her being left with me and DH. Sorry if I sound so self pitying, but I feel in a panic. What should I be doing now, what does she need?
We are also two weeks in , and whilst the day to day stuff is no problem, actually quite enjoying having more time for ds3 and less commentary on every decision I make ., we are not getting much communication at all and am finding that difficult.I am pretty sure this means things are going well, but he only texts if he needs input eg "can I wash dark shirts with jeans " or " does curry paste go in before or after meat", it would be nice to have some news etc
It has just hit me this weekend that he has a whole new life that I know nothing whatsoever about, he did say in one text that he had a lot on , and I thought a lot of what ; socialising g , work, sport ( unlikely !),a girl or all of the above . I really don't want to pester him but am wondering if it would be acceptable to call for a chat, mind you did try to call in midst of long series of texts about laundry ( it wld have been easier to explain verbally) and he just didn't pick up . I think he just really wants to be independent
We've discovered skype, so chat on there regularly. I think girls are generally better at this than boys.
Saying that mine seems to be unavailable and forgetting when we've arranged to chat so I take this as a good sign. She seems to be finding her feet nicely.
Our DS has just start 2nd year - too far away to come home during term times so rings regularly, which I really appreciate. However, when he went back this year only had a couple of calls in nearly 2 weeks - obviously enjoying the novelty of living in his new flat!
Good to hear most of your DCs are settling in so well.
I could have written your post as in the same position!
Our DD has just started uni in Liverpool (we're in Bournemouth, she couldn't get much further away!) but is struggling to cope with all the changes. We're just not sure how best to support her. We had some really tearful phone calls last week and DH dashed off to see her and make sure she was getting some support at uni - probably not the best thing to do in hindsight but she has had some difficult periods in the last year. She's doing all the right things like joining lots of societies and getting some counselling but it is just so hard:'( Any advice would be gratefully received.
Jane58 I really hope she settles in soon. Don't have any advice except if she could stick it out for the first term, until Christmas break, then she will be better able to make a judgement on whether it's right for her or not. I don't think it was a mistake for you rDH to visit, at all.
DD is down your way and we right up north. She feels it already when others are planning to go home for a weekend soon and she carn't. She also says some people are dropping out already. Such a shame they really should try and stick it out for longer.
My DD1 went to uni last year and (most of the time) loved all the socialising and sporty stuff, and her course has been ok too. I tried not to ring her too often, just enough to have a good idea if she was okay, and usually she was.
She's a five hour train journey away so didn't come home much. I went to see her for a weekend and took DD2 with me, but DD1 was uncharacteristically unpleasant to her - think DD1 just wanted me to herself.
This year DD1 is far more relaxed about everything and we're planning to meet up half way and DD2 is welcome this time. DD1 is also phoning me more this year.
jane58 I think getting involved and making lots of acquaintances is the answer, but it takes time, especially if you're not very extrovert. Maybe there's a need to just acknowledge that its difficult sometimes at first, but everyone has to just get on with it. When DD1 used to phone me in tears, saying she wanted to come home, I'd tell her she was very welcome, but somehow she always managed to brighten up and get on with things. Everything will be okay.
Just to wish you all a Happy Christmas - we survived the first term without them. Enjoy!!
Thank you everyone, feel much better now. I have a daughter off to uni in sept and as the time gets closer I'm dreading it, and now my husband wants us to organise a party for her the weekend before! Has anyone else done this, I feel it's a bit yay!!! She leaving at long last, or am I just being a misery? Help.
I only just saw the date on this! But what good advice. My Ds is off at the end of the month and I have been getting a bit weepy about it, strangely now that he is a little nervous and stressed I am finding it easier to be smiley and say how exciting it all is. He didn't get accommodation, they told us only two weeks ago that we live too close (an hour's drive) for him to get into Halls, so we have had a scary couple of weeks waiting for a private Halls to find him accommodation - at twice the price. He saw lots of houses but many were for shared houses with third year girls, which he didn't fancy. He finally made it to the top of the waiting list yesterday, I am so relieved. So dark towels, beer and cider, cake, a doorstop and my old cutlery and china will be going with him. The first big shop of cupboard necessities arrived today to stock him up a bit. He will have a bed with a hollow base so much of it will go in there.
We are still trying to work out how much money he will need each week. It's bad enough that we are going to have to fins several thousand a year to top up his rent, but as his course will involve a fair few late nights and is a full day every day affair I think a job will not be possible.
I am going to miss him so much. He is lovely. If he were a pain it would be easier.
Not sure about the party, but at least it would take your minds off it! All of Ds's friends went on holiday late this year, after their results, apart from us it would seem, so it would be a quiet affair if we had one! Getting him sorted with accommodation has been so fraught that we are just going to chill for the next few weeks.
It's been very helpful to read some of the great advice on here and to know that I'm not alone with this. My DS is the youngest and therefore final child to leave home. I'm really struggling to keep it together at the moment, even at work, and am dreading the final goodbye next Sunday when I drop him off. Last night I was in tears until 2.30am which isn't good for anyone. I've been a Mum for 20 years and most of it as a single parent so this is a huge change and one I need to come to terms with.
Me too, zappier. You get that feeling of 'we're all in this together' when you are on your own. My son is the youngest and I find it hard to know that 26 years of school runs have come to an end. I should be pleased, but I liked the time we had in the car to talk. He is lovely, maybe I wouldn't be so upset if he were a pain in the butt. I get very weepy, you aren't alone. The one plus is that with all the broken nights and added adrenaline I have lost a few pounds. I'm going to be a wreck the week he goes.
OP I am sure your dd will cope and it is so much easier for you to keep in close contact. Also Christmas is a coming and she'll be back home in no time at all.
Thank you madeofkent; we will have to be wrecks together, (although slightly slimmer ones!) these weeks.
I shall think of you, mine goes on the 14th, although I think maybe I shall hang on until the 15th if possible. As he gets more excited, I get sadder. We had a lovely day shopping yesterday though, and today he said how pleased he was that I hauled him off to the beach last sunday and made him take his sandcastle-building stuff! I wanted to let him be just a boy, for the last time.
Have you seen this, zappier?
Hi yes I know its hard, I am taking my eldest to stay on Thursday and will be really upset, I could feel myself welling up, yet at same time she drives mad at times I feel like I cant wait, its those mixed feelings, and epic spending trips, where you don't want to spoil the whole experience by refusing to buy the matching towel, two just in case. lots and lots of emotions. Good luck.
DS is leaving to go to uni in just under two weeks and although I'm so very proud of him, I'm dreading him going. I've cried at the thought of him going every day for the past week or so and feel totally and utterly upset about him leaving. I'm going to miss him so much. DD is 3 months old so I won't be completely on my own, but it just won't be the same without him. I've brought him up on my own since he was 1 1/2 and those years have just flown by and now he's flying the nest. I'm absolutely dreading him going
Any advice on how to cope would be gratefully accepted
I would quite like some myself - but every where I have asked just says, keep busy. So I have deliberately picked out music that makes me feel happy, have bought a supply of St.John's Wort, have started a local book club, have promised my friends that I will be more sociable and will start to use Skype.
Also, with him no longer at home, it will be far easier for me to tackle my diet. No fattening leftovers that need to be eaten for lunch, no requests for desserts and doughnuts and icecream, steak and kidney pie and sausages and mash. I can eat quinoa without being moaned at. I am being very positive now, but I shall miss him like crazy. Everyone tells me that I shall get over it very quickly, I do hope so because my grandmother never got over her son leaving home. I don't want to be like her.
Hi, another emotional wreck here as DD leaves on Sat. We are extremely close but lately since she finished her exams she has been engrossed in
Developing her life away from studies and becoming less dependant on me
I had hoped we would have a chance to do more things together but I guess it's natural for her to want to see her friends as much as possible. In a way it has prepared me for the wrench to come a bit but oh
My goodness the flood of emotions that appear randomly are all consuming. It feels so empty and a real cutting of the ties, so painful.
I am too a single parent so our little family ( Ds chose not to go to uni )
Is close knit and very happy, it's so hard to think this is the end of an era although with that comes new and exciting beginnings . Have cried so much I am fed up with myself! Also trying to hide it from them!
Good luck to all with the move and settling in process .
Hi everyone, so good to come on here and find other people going through the same thing as me. We dropped our D1 off yesterday and I actually feel relieved today that the moment is over and I feel ok. It has been a black cloud on my horizon for the last 6 months or so- ie dreading saying goodbye. About 2 weeks ago was the worst - feeling so emotional and feeling every precious moment of being with her. The roller coaster of getting kit together, finding she is not allocated halls and had to find housemates plus house etc is now over and all is hunkydory. Now I'm upbeat, know I'll miss her but look forward to her catching up occasionally (we both have Instagram so great to catch glimpses of each others' lives). Thinking of others in the same boat and so good to know that others are out there. Thanks! x
OH my.....reading all these posts has brought the emotions flooding back.
DD1 is just about to go back for 3rd year but I well remember the dreadful, sick with worry feeling that I had in the last week that she was home before we dropped her off for the first time.
I too managed to hold it together for the entire time we were with her by doing the keep busy thing , but DD3 (who was 11 at time) and I sobbed the entire way home. Thank goodness she wasn't too far away!
It did get better though and once I knew she was loving it the weight from our minds was immense. We had 2 other DC at home to offset the gap and she would text and Skype us and her siblings regularly. Oh the boon of new technology! We were fortunate as well that she was able to come home once or twice per term , as well as hols , and the noise level and mess in the house increased ten fold.
Now we are about to do all over again for DS1 and I don't feel it any less than i did before. Not sure if i thought I would find it easier.....but it's not so far
His whole experience has been overshadowed by the fact that he and 300 other freshers couldn't get accommodation on campus for their first year so we have had the most horrendously stressful few days trying to set up private rented accommodation......with complete strangers!
I find this a disgraceful situation to put young people in for the first year of Uni , but it doesn't seem to be uncommon and hey ho what can you do.
He now has a nice house , very close to campus and sharing with 3 girls. A fact by which he seems completely unconcerned
Again the relief is immense and although i know when the day comes i will be a quivering wreck , he is at least now in same boat as all others and just up the road from DD1.
I often read posts from students who don't want or need their parents involvement in their lives at this stage and I salute their independence. But i also thank the lord that all of our children have welcomed our support and advice , and continue to do so , even though the ultimate decisions have been their own.
If I had a penny for every time I have used the phrase "well it's your decision" i may have been able to pay Uni fees without a loan lol!
We found it a very difficult time , but it really did get better.....so just hang in there.
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