My daughter and I had a fantastic relationship up until her 16th birthday - in fact we thought we'd got away with the teenage thing! She doesn't blow up, or fight, or shout - in a way I wish she would then at least she would communicate with us. She keeps herself to herself, flinches if I touch her, is sullen and moody and completely doesn't like to be with us. Very, very occasionally she gives us a very brief glimpse at the girl we used to know - but then she catches herself and withdraws again. My relationship with my mother was strained at the same age but not to this extent. I found some rubbish in her bin and she had written this "I want to just remove my mother from my life. She doesn't make sense to me and every little trait, however small, makes my very flesh begin to crawl with simple, utter loathing." She is an incredibly intelligent girl who has decided to not go to uni ( was an Oxbridge candidate) and wants to come home and begin to study for a career in Musical Theatre - and we have told her we will support her in this as we just want her to be happy - however, I don't know if I can live with her at home all the time (at the moment she goes to boarding school - circumstances dictating this and she prefers it to home at the moment). I need her to spread her wings and fly away so she can fly back again when she has grown up a bit. I have had my huge cry at the loss of my baby and now try to be there but am beginning to avoid her. I would like to sit her down and talk to her about the fact that she may need to leave home for college rather than living at home - it's what she really wants but she won't do it without being pushed - but how do I push her away nicely. I feel terribly guilty that I need to push her away and feel myself detaching myself from her as what she does, how she treats me, speaks to me etc, hurts me. Should I try to talk to her? Should I make her live away for term time at college? How old will she be when she finally realises I am not so horrid? 23? 24? I look at photos of her when she was younger and I ache for that child to be with me again.
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Teenagers
{{{{{hugs}}}}
I hated my mum, but only temporarily. It's an age thing. They have to separate from you and be their own person, and it's hard. 
Spid, I just asked my elder daughter - who lives at home currently - when she thinks she first began to think maybe I wasn't so bad after all, & she said probably when she left for uni. (She had a gap year, so was 19 - so that doesn't help you much 
but what she says backs up what Rose just said, that she probably does need to leave home, go into halls & grow up, but doesn't want to be the one who decides to do that - maybe in case it doesn't work out at first?)
DD1 & her sister both have much more fun with their dad (& his mum) - & I often feel like an alien when they're all together shrieking - but they do come to me about serious stuff. They were both hideous from c 17-19 - everything I said was wrong & we had some awful rows. They are late 20s now & we get on fine (pretty much 
)
As Rose says, you do sound like a lovely mum, & you are trying so hard to make things ok for her; she will remember & appreciate that when she gets older!
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I am glad colleysmill recognised those words as lyrics, Spid - it makes them seem a lot less sharp
Here's one for you to scribble on a piece of paper & leave lying around
'How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child! Away, away!'
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