help truency and my 13 yr olds!!

[lynnythepin]

My twins turned 13, and with it came all the trappings of teenagers. But the worst is they have just started truenting, and I'm talking LOTS of lessons nearly every day. They have changed their friends and are not listening to me (single parent) at all anymore. I don't know how to deal with them-what to say. I've shouted and threatened but this hasn't worked at all. Am lost - need advice!!!!

[AnyoneForTennis]

Have been there!

My advice is, keep communicating with the school. Maybe have them bring home a report each day? Contact education welfare officer for advice before it gets out of hand. A stern word from them might help!

[lynnythepin]

My twins turned 13, and with it came all the trappings of teenagers. But the worst is they have just started truenting, and I'm talking LOTS of lessons nearly every day. They have changed their friends and are not listening to me (single parent) at all anymore. I don't know how to deal with them-what to say. I've shouted and threatened but this hasn't worked at all. Am lost - need advice!!!!

[lynnythepin]

Yep am in contact with school, but they seem just as lost as me. They are on report but just keep making excuses about the booklet - lost it, left it in drama, forgot to get those lessons signed etc etc. The welfare officer is a good idea though. i'll speak to the school about that. Thanks!

[PropositionJoe]

They're only 13 the school shouldn't be lost!

[AnyoneForTennis]

Punishments being given at home?

[flow4]

My lad truanted (first) at 14. His school had a policy of requiring them to 'make up' the time lost - i.e. one hour lesson missed=1 hour detention; but this didn't actually work at all, because he truanted for one DAY, which meant more than a week of detention, so they opted for a day's internal exclusion instead, which (a) meant another day's lessons missed (very illogical, to my mind) and (b) he then truanted on THAT day too, because he decided the punishment was 'unfair'... And it turned into a bit of a downward spiral for a while.

I also backed it up at home by stopping money and removing his playstation. I communicated constantly with the school... It felt like every day for a while :( It was a very difficult time. His form teacher told me that in his experience, truanting was like a broken 'taboo' - once they've done it, they tend to repeat it... In the end, I linked his allowance/pocket money directly to school attendance: he got £2/day if he attended, and nothing if he didn't. That worked for about a year.

[cormsilky]

have you made contact with the EWO?

[lynnythepin]

Yes for punishments - done the positive reinforcement, done the taking away their phones away, done the stopping pocket money-trouble is they seem to have got into an older naughty crowd, and the peer pressure is stronger than my threats. They regret it, say sorry and the next day day they do it again......
The school don't seem to have any particular policy in place and have said that they don't know what to do any more bar following them around school! I have contacted the behaviour management person who says he will have a word with them, but I do feel on my own.
i will try the £2 per day thing - that sounds like a plan in the immediate.
Got to the point that I dread opening my e-mail or answering the phone :( :( (that's one sad face for each twin!!!!)

[lynnythepin]

And what happenined after the year ? Has he started truenting again?
And if he did 4/5 days, did you give him £8 or nothing?
THANKS X

[flow4]

No, he didn't start truanting again - he left school. So it worked for as long as he was there.
I did it on a day-by-day basis, so each morning he got £2 if he had been to school the day before. I did also try a £5 bonus at the weekend if he had done a full week, but I couldn't really afford that, and £15/week is a lot of money for a 14 year old. I tried to make that cover his clothes and everything else, but it all started to seem too complicated: the £2/day arrangement was straightforward and easy for him (and me) to understand.

[lynnythepin]

Thanks for taking the time to reply - never been on a chat room before - but it does help. X :)